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Do you ever feel like you have no problem appreciating your friends and loved ones, but just can’t muster that positive energy for yourself? You are not alone. Self-affirmation can be difficult, especially for people who struggle with things like self-doubt or imposter syndrome, but it’s never too late to start learning how to do it! Read on for a comprehensive guide to self-affirmation, with tips on how to practice it in your everyday life and plenty of examples.
- Self-affirmation means accepting your own feelings and experiences and reminding yourself that your emotions are valid without judgment.
- Use mindfulness when you practice self-affirmation. Identify and describe your emotions so that you can understand what you are feeling and why.
- Normalize your emotions and use affirmations to validate yourself. Give yourself words of support like “My feelings matter” and “I am valuable.”
Be aware of your thoughts and feelings. Practicing mindfulness can help you slow down, notice what you’re feeling in the moment, and validate those experiences. Practice observing and describing your thoughts to yourself and anchoring yourself in the moment instead of pushing away unpleasant emotions and ignoring them. When you are present and attentive, it is easier to begin to capture what you feel.[2]
- For example, it’s not easy to feel emotions like hurt, anger, and hurt, but staying in the moment and acknowledging those feelings can help you validate them.
- Avoiding emotions makes them worse over time, while acknowledging and dealing with them makes those emotions easier to process.
Reflect on your experiences to understand them better. Reflection is about acknowledging the emotions you felt, figuring out what triggered them, and acknowledging your body’s reaction to those feelings to get to the bottom of the experience. Then describe your inner experiences to yourself to make sure you know what you’re feeling and why. In turn, this makes it easier to understand their feelings.[3]
- For example, if you were upset the other day, think about it. You can say something like, “I feel hurt and upset, and it started yesterday when my friend made fun of me.
Guess your feelings when you are not sure. It’s okay if you’re not always sure how you feel, but it’s also important to get as much to the bottom of things as you can. So if you really don’t know how to describe your feelings, make your best guess. Consider the sensations in your body and what reaction you want to have to make a good judgment.[4]
- For example, you could say something like, “Every time I think about talking to my friend, my stomach turns so I think I’m afraid to face him.”
- You can also say, “I want to rip the phone out of my brother’s hand and make him look at me, so I must be frustrated and mad at them.”
Use your personal history to validate yourself. Self-affirmation can be difficult when you have trouble believing in yourself. To combat this, think back to instances where you were successful at something to remind yourself of your true abilities. You are a strong and capable person, but it is only natural that you need a snack from time to time! Also keep a journal or list of your successes, so you can easily remember them.[5]
- For example, you could write, “I’m really good at job interviews and I’ve already been successful at a few big ones. It’s normal to feel anxious, but I know what I’m doing and I’ll be fine.”
- In some cases, you don’t even have to remember success; simply validating your feelings by remembering a similar experience can help you feel better.
- For example, you might say, “It’s understandable that I’m afraid of conflict because my family was very combative growing up.”
Normalize your feelings, both positive and negative. Normalizing yourself simply means reminding yourself that you can feel different emotions. When you’re feeling strong emotions, you may assume your reaction isn’t normal, but honestly, it’s all part of the human experience. Make sure that it is okay to feel hurt, angry, sad, ashamed, or any other emotion, and that other people would probably feel the same way if they were you.[6]
- For example, you might find yourself thinking, “Why am I so mad at my friends for canceling lunch? I’m so dramatic! Stop that train of thought and normalize your feelings.
- Instead, say something like, “It’s okay to be disappointed. I was excited to see my friends and anyone would be disappointed in this situation.”
Practice radical honesty and be honest with yourself. Being who you are is one of the most important forms of self-affirmation, just as denying who you are can be very demeaning. So be honest and admit your strengths and weaknesses. Remember, your confidence shouldn’t be based on trying to be as flawless as possible; it should be about accepting the person you are.[7]
- It is important to admit feelings that you are not proud of. For example, you could say, “Yes, I’m jealous of my friend’s promotion. It’s a normal feeling, and now that I’ve acknowledged it, I’ll concentrate on congratulating them.”
- Confirm the good parts of yourself! For example, you can say, “I’m a great artist and I’m working really hard to get the recognition I deserve. I don’t have to be perfect to be really talented.”
Accept your feelings without identifying too much with them. An important part of affirmation is remembering that you are not your feelings or the things you do. Remember that your feelings do not define you; Sometimes you can feel strong emotions, and that’s okay, but those feelings will never dictate who you are. Emotions are temporary and eventually pass.[8]
- Practice saying “I feel” instead of “I am” when describing your feelings to reinforce the fact that they do not define you.
- For example, say “I feel angry about this” instead of saying “I am an angry person.”
Use self-care to remind yourself that you deserve good things. Sometimes validation is as simple as taking care of yourself! When self-love and appreciation aren’t easy for you, self-care may also come naturally to you. So make an effort to take care of yourself regularly and do things that make you feel happy and healthy.[9]
- Self-care can be anything from eating right and exercising to enjoying a luxurious day at the spa or spending the day just doing a hobby you love.
Talk to yourself like a friend. Ask yourself what affirmations you would normally seek from your friends and family, and take the initiative to give yourself that affirmation instead. Tell yourself supportive things that you would say to a friend without a second thought and give yourself the love you have always needed from others. Remember: be kind and gentle with yourself as much as possible.[10]
- For example, you can trust your friends to say they are proud of your accomplishments, so do it yourself. Say, “I’ve come a long way and I’m so proud of myself!”
- If self-affirmation is difficult for you, try imagining yourself as a young child and speak as if you are speaking to your younger self. Adjusting that mindset can make it easier for you to show the compassion you deserve.
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Source: HIS Education