SAY what you like about this year’s I’m A Celebrity line-up, the ITV show certainly knows how to get viewers talking about their £1.5million bookings.
Film Nigel Farage completely naked in the shower, put him in the first eating challenge, then make Dec pause long enough to cause an obvious reaction when dish number three arrives at Jungle Pizzeria.
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The I’m A Celebrity contestants are insufferable Credit: Rex
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Camp friends like Grace Dent don’t take well to not being the center of attention Credit: Rex
“Nigel. Camel’s anus, goat’s anus and crocodile’s anus. . . “
. . . Those are just three of the more flattering things you’ve been called during your political career.
Yet the amazing thing is, if you ranked all the contestants, in order of annoyance, Farage would still be happy to make it into the top three, during the first two days of the camp.
A testament, I suppose, to the work done by the famous bookers who, probably as much luck as judgement, assembled a very entertaining bunch of misfits to follow last year’s triumph with Matt Hancock.
A poisonous way
However, head and shoulders above them all, in terms of the awkwardness factor, is the thunderous roar of justice called Nella Rose who, without explaining why the hell she was supposed to become famous, introduced herself on Sunday by saying: “I don’t know when to shut up. I keep going and I’m going and I’m going and …”
Click.
Five minutes later, when I switched back on, Nella was still “going and going and going” and strange as it may seem now, I actually thought there was a moment, during her Farage eating challenge, when I could warm to that creature.
I forgot, though, 26-year-old Nella is part of a generation of complainers who, if they don’t have a right, will invent an injustice, just as Nella did in the most venomous and self-righteous way possible with First Dates’ Fred Sieirix, feigning offense at his comment “enough old enough to be your dad”.
She now stands sulking alone as the show’s main irritant, which is no mean feat given that the company she keeps includes Made In Chelsea hunk Sam Thompson as well as Fred, who is such a well-practiced sycophant that he actually said Britney Spears ‘ Jamie Lynn’s very teary, very anonymous sister: “You’ve both become so famous and so big.”
Struggling for breath below that, there’s also Josie Gibson, Danielle Harold, Marvin Humes and journalist Grace Dent, who couldn’t decide whether to appear as Dot Cotton or Austin Powers in the opening episode, so he went as both.
Grace has an operatic feel about her, so she won’t handle being out of the limelight very well.
But that was never a possibility given the presence of Farage, who played a perfect first 48 hours.
Politicians, however, are strange, socially awkward weirdos who crave approval and gossip, so Farage couldn’t help but blurt out to Grace that he wanted to sit in on the trials because: “It’s 25 per cent of the time.”
On top of Nell’s behavior, it’s a kind of cynicism that could spoil the whole series, not just the camp mood.
But that’s where Ant and Dec step in and turn Farage’s need into a joke, telling viewers: “Voting is now closed and we’re about to tell you who has 25 per cent of tomorrow’s airtime.”
It’s the perfect way to lighten the load and has ensured that, for now, I’m hooked again on I’m A Celebrity and can even answer Ant’s follow-up question at Jungle Pizzeria: “Can you tell the difference between ar*es?”
Yes, there is a big one called Nella and 11 others.
Who would blow it?
On Monday’s This Morning, the hosts and Gyles Brandreth tried to work out what kind of nonsense Josie Gibson got into her head on the first I’m A Celebrity challenge when she lashed out at the Duchess of York.
“Gyles, what is it?”
Alison Hammond: “It’s kind of like an oily liquid.”
Yeah, but forget Gyles, what’s that?
Crazy Fergie
It’s not unfair to say that Sarah, Duchess of York, is to television what Princess Michael of Kent is to the Ultimate Fighting Championship, with one obvious difference.
No one is asking HRH to fight on Conor McGregor’s undercard, in Vegas.
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ITV has hired Sarah Ferguson to co-host Monday’s This Morning Credit: Rex
Some maniac at ITV forced the Duchess to co-host Monday’s This Morning, with predictably chaotic results.
Among the more obvious problems here are that Sarah can’t read autocue without squinting like Claudia Winkleman in a sand blizzard, is a bit obsessed with underwear, and so clumsily throws up images you’ll probably never see move from your brain.
All things considered, it was probably a mistake to put her on the phone for relationship advice and some poor innocent called Claire, seeking advice on how to improve her 12 year old marriage from the world’s worst qualified woman.
The results were as terrible as I had feared.
One moment Sarah was packing her off for a romantic holiday in Snowdonia with her husband, the next she was telling her: “You go climbing and then we can have a lovely weekend in your sassy underwear.”
Sarah, if you even think about wearing raunchy underwear, every husband in Britain will run for the hills.
And never come back.
The Big TV Lies and Misconceptions of the Week
I’m a Celebrity, Sam Thompson: “MasterChef’s Grace Dent, you look absolutely gorgeous.”
Mamma Mia: I Have a Dream, Zoe Ball: “It’s another beautiful day in Greece.”
(It was).
And The One Show, Alex Jones: “Well, who doesn’t love Miriam Margolyes?”
I am Spartacus. . .
Davros lower
ANY hope that the next series of Doctor Who would be less preachy than the last couple was dashed when Davros, creator of the Daleks, appeared in the Children In Need sketch, upright, two-eyed, unscarred and looking menacingly like Somerset Gimp during his downtime.
Why?
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Dr Who lifts its iconic supervillains out of wheelchairs
Well, according to returning show-runner Russell T. Davies, the seated Davros “has associated disability with evil, and believe me, there’s a very long tradition of that.”
Which, obviously, is not there. It’s all posturing, he woke up the BBC’s crap and I imagine most people would struggle to think of just one example.
However, here is a picture of Roger Lloyd Pack as John Lumico, in 2006 – during Russell’s previous stint on the shows – where he appeared as the evil genius behind the Cybermen, in a wheelchair.
TV gold
DAISY HAGGARD and Joanna Scanlan rise above the extraordinary brutality and far-fetched plot of BBC1’s Ship’s Tale.
Britain’s last real Hollywood superstar, Joan Collins, buried BBC2’s Louis Theroux under an avalanche of name-drops in St Tropez: “Frank Sinatra wishes he was here.”
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Daisy Haggard was outstanding in BBC1’s Boat StoryCredit: BBC
Bill Bailey’s Australian Adventure, on Channel 4, proved to be the most relaxed show of the week.
But the best was probably David Holmes: The Boy Who Lived Sky Showcase, which details the story of the funny, defiant and indestructible stuntman who was paralyzed on the set of Harry Potter.
An inspiring and beautiful piece of television.
A crisis of hypocrites
THE Great Climate Fight, Channel 4, Mary Portas: “The more I learn about the Government’s treatment of the oil and gas sector, the more horrified I become.”
Maybe get out of the London taxi you’re currently lecturing us from and walk the hell out of it.
Great sports insights
JAMIE MACKIE: “There is no right or wrong way to manage. But it has to be done right.”
Martin Keown: “At the moment of death, the question is life or death.”
Paul Merson: “Once again, it’s six and a half dozen second.”
Random TV irritations
The shocking revelation that Archie, ITV’s four-part tribute to the legend of the golden screen, was not Macpherson.
The Masked I’m A Celeb singer special that failed to cast Janet Street-Porter as the Bearded Dragon.
Channel 4 is dressing up party political propaganda as environmental concerns in the Great Climate Fight.
And Children in Need no longer exists only to help poor children.
Apparently some wily, over-the-top, awakened parasites have now decided that this also includes a “commitment to racial equality and social justice.”
Send your hard earned money to less political and manipulative purposes.
Unexpected morons in the packaging area
Weakest link: EastEnders Special, Romesh Ranganathan: “As the saying goes, the soup is spoiled if there’s too much of what?”
Lorraine “Karen” Stanley: “Lips.”
Tipping Point, Ben Shephard: “Raquel, Cassandra and Trigger are the characters in the 2019 West End musical based on which classic sitcom?”
Julia: “Friends.”
The Chase, Bradley Walsh: “Gilbert Jessop was one of the fastest shooters ever in what sport?”
Jackie: “Marathon.”
Looakalike week
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The likes of Nigel Farage and Ms Crawley from Sing
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The likes of Nigel Farage and Ms Crawley of Sing
THIS week’s winner is Nigel Farage from I’m A Celeb and Ms Crawly from Sing.
Sent by Daveyboy via email.
Categories: Optical Illusion
Source: HIS Education