DEAR DEIDRE: DURING sex, I make my partner pretend we’re having an affair. But it’s not just a fantasy for me – it’s the truth.
He doesn’t know that I cheated so much, I don’t even know who the father of my children is.
My partner and I are both in our 50s and have been together for 30 years, with three children.
He is a good, kind man, but those qualities do not help me in bed. In order to enjoy sex, I have to pretend we’re cheating.
I tell myself he’s a lustful stranger or make him pretend he’s a sleazy repairman.
He thinks it’s just a fun role-playing game. It’s not. That’s my life.
Shortly after we met, I started a relationship with a colleague that lasted 15 years.
I knew it would never be a real relationship, but I was hooked on rough, meaningless sex.
We would have long video calls, during which we would both get naked. Or we’d meet for sex in the parking lot at lunchtime.
The more I degraded myself, the more it turned me on.
I got pregnant three times during this relationship. I’m still not sure if all the children have the same father.
When the affair finally ended, I tried to stay faithful.
Dear Deidre: Spot the signs that your partner is cheating on you
If my partner and I pretended to cheat, it was almost as erotic. But that didn’t excite me as much.
I recently met a new man in a sex chatroom with no strings attached. I’m tempted to cheat again.
Why am I like this? Is it because I was sexually abused when I was very young? Can I ever recover and learn to enjoy normal, loving sex?
DEIDRE SAYS: Unfortunately, your childhood trauma is probably still affecting your sex life.
Trauma survivors often have difficulty distinguishing sex from love when they grow up.
They can become addicted to sex, but they are actually looking for someone who will appreciate them.
Check out my Abused as a Child support package. It explains the long-term consequences of childhood abuse, as well as details of where you can go for help. It’s never too late.
I understand why you’re tempted to stray again, but it won’t heal the pain.
Your partner is a good, kind man who was a wonderful father to your children.
You say that you are not sure that he is their real father – only a DNA test could determine this for sure. He was certainly a reliable father throughout their lives.
Don’t start another affair. Instead, seek help to heal your trauma and then focus on building a happy, stable future with your partner.
Kind, honest lovemaking could be the best sex you’ve ever had.
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Categories: Optical Illusion
Source: HIS Education