I jumped in front of a lorry after blowing my life savings at casino – now it’s a joy to be alive, says Clarke Carlisle

After being released from his club ten years ago, former Clarka Carlisle football player lost a TV job of £ 100,000 a year and blew much of his life savings in one trip to Kasino.

The same night, as that loss, the former league star, who struggled with depression, disappeared before jumping in front of the truck in an attempt to end her life.

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Star of former Prime Minister Clarke Carlisle and wife Carriecredit: Richard WalkerFormer football player Clarke Carlisle talks about his suicide attempt.

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Clarke disappeared in 2015 before he jumped in front of the truck in an attempt to finish his lifecredit: *Clarke Carlisle, footballer Burnley, No. 5.

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Clarke in action for football club Burnleycredit: Pa: Empica Sport

But today, the 45-year-old talks about the joy that he is alive and explains that instead of turning to gambling in his dark days, he is now seeking comfort. . . hiding behind the refrigerator.

Clarke and his wife Carrie work to help others face suicide thoughts, maintaining internet conversations and courses for people dealing with mental health problems.

The defender, whose clubs included Blackpool, Burnley and QPR, said: “I was on the verge of existence.

“Now I can proudly say that for years I haven’t had an episode of depression. I didn’t need medication for three years. I was the most good.”

Read more about Clarke Carlisle

Carrie added one of her new confrontation mechanisms: “Literally goes and hides behind the refrigerator. He went there and takes up a little moment.

“I won’t even know that he’s there, and I’ll open a refrigerator, and the light of the refrigerator will continue and I will see the ears from his Batman Onesie.”

Clarke, who has two children with Carrie and three from previous relationships, added: “I know when I start going down and I have to retire. I would stand in the dark, alone and in my thoughts.

“So, I would stand there when I should draw. The key part of it, it is where the radiator is. When I experience depression, I physically get cold. It’s about finding a way to deal with things.”

Clarke, who was the president of the Association of Professional Football players and also appeared as a competitor in the Countdown TV games, said: “I was a perfectionist as a football player, critical of the things I would do.

“I was in an environment where it was about winnings and losses. I tried to repeat it in normal life and in my relationships. My self-value managed the results and performances on this ground.

Clarke Carlisle joined Jim White on Talxport to talk about mental health and his own battles

“So, if we won, I felt great. I was a good man and then it would give me positivity to all my wider interactions, because in my head, it makes me a good dad, a good wife, a good son.

“If we lost, it meant that I was a terrible man because other people were sad and I would have failed them, which made me a bad dad, a bad husband, a bad brother.

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“Now I give the advantage of things that are important. I meditate a lot, I pray to the family priority. I make sure I put my children to bed at least once a week.

“I make sure I can get into my bedroom and jump on me in the morning. And Carrie and I ensure we have monthly nights.”

With an annual time of mind awareness of mental health to talk next Thursday, Clarke said that he still finds pressure on the exercises he feels in his playing days and gets PTSD around the anniversary of his suicide offer.

Now it calls for an independent body to oversee the mental health of all football players in the UK.

‘A terrible man’

Former TV presenter Carrie, a former alcoholic, said the procedure for writing a series of self-help materials, such as Shut, alcohol, played a role in helping Clarke to improve.

Clarke released Burnley in 2012, and in 2014 he lost his role in Pundita in the amount of £ 100,000 at ITV before that fateful trip to Kasino. He then disappeared before he threw himself in front of the truck on the A64 Leeds on Double Working Work.

Clarke was transferred to Leeds General Ambunamentary. He suffered cuts, bruises, internal bleeding, broken rib and broken left knee.

At Christmas 2014, he was admitted as a patient with a psychiatric unit in Harrogate and placed on a suicide.

He stayed there until he was discharged in February 2015, when, shortly after, he interviewed the sun.

Ten years later, Clarke said, “After that, I knew I was very good. In leadership to that, I was very negative, hypercritical, island.

“I never did anything about my depression and I was clinically depressed.

The bride and groom cut the wedding cake.

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Clarke and Carrie got married in 2016credit: suppliedClarke Carlisle from the Queens Park Rangers revealing a lower shirt with Superman's theme.

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Clarke discovers a Superman style vest in the QPR 2002Credit game: Getty

“I did not take medication for countless reasons, but mostly because I thought,” I am a man and a football player in the Premier League. “I didn’t understand that my thoughts were different or dangerous.

“There was a lot related to self-value. I have an analytical mind. I used alcohol so my brain stopped thinking. I used gambling so my brain thought about something else.

“I’m really blessed that I never went into drugs. If I had been dead now.

“Football was quite the only thing I thought gave me the value. So when I left, I was completely deprived of everything anyone else appreciated about me.

“I have brought my football, perfectionism, an autistic part, a compulsive aspect, the need for everything to happen at this point, this pace, immediate success or failure. There is no medium soil.

I knew he was an amazing, handsome man. And I know that more to this day

Carrie

“And it is a dynamics that is built into you and all falls within these two categories.

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“The first year of my therapy I had to discover this middle of things just that it was okay, to be good enough.

“Because in football it was never good enough because it’s not the best, it’s not perfect. It switched to relationships. It was so destructive. It was dangerous.”

In 2016, Clarke met Carrie, who worked as an ambassador in a football charity.

She said, “It was a romance whirlwind. We gave each other our business cards and I don’t think we never thought we would see each other more.

‘Dead by tomorrow’

“But he sent an e -This and we went to dinner. Within five minutes, they sat down for dinner, he said,” We will get married, have babies. “He brought his psychiatric papers to another meeting.

“We moved together three weeks later. Then we got engaged a few months later. And then we got married nine weeks after that.

“I knew he was an amazing, handsome man at the time. And I know that to this day. I am obsessed with him.”

The couple collaborated with each other to support their needs, Carrie with his anxiety and Clarke with his depression.

But in 2017, Clarke disappeared again and was eventually found in Liverpool before being taken to a psychiatric institution in Blackburn.

Carrie said, “When Clarke was found, I wanted to bring him home. I was a pregnant six months and I was like,” Let’s get back to this place, “because 24 hours ago I didn’t know anything was wrong.

“Fortunately, someone took me aside and said,” OK, Mrs. Carlisle, if you take him home, will be dead tomorrow. “And that was a slap in the face I needed.”

Clarke then began to advise. He said, “I started digging deeper and realized that I had to be good.

Clarke Carlisle at a set of countdowns.

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Clarke on counting TV 2010Credit: Channel 4

“I should have been alive. I wanted to be here.”

Carrie asked him to read some thoughts she had around her, and the alcoholic method she developed in 2006.

Clarke said, “The amazing thing of my terrible wife is that she was able to put it in a clear and really simple process of self -propositions and self -tension, and it restores power when talking about your mental mental health.

“You’re not waiting for NHS to come and fix you.

“She asked me to read something she wrote about other questions and that helped me attitude toward gambling.”

Using her closing method, Carrie wrote more than 20 books, as well as designing courses for accompanied by each.

The couple offers internet conversations and courses for questions such as alcohol, gambling and suicide thoughts.

Carrie said, “Most people don’t want to die.

“I just can’t live like that anymore. Our goal is to lead on our own trip.

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“We both perceive this as a great opportunity to pay our own experiences forward.”

I miss certain moments of football

Clarke Carlisle

Clarke, who now has a psychology diploma, says he has been in the best form of a mental one that has been for years. He is “finally” to enjoy watching football again.

But he said, “I can’t go and just run without thinking,” Oh, you’re just wrong. You can go faster than this “or” You should have been at the Olympic Games next year “.

“But I miss certain moments of football – the first day of the season, the magnificent end of the season, the successful season.”

Last week, former league judge, David Coote, said he would prioritize his mental health after led a series of scandals to take his job.

And Clarke now wants an independent counseling committee for players and referees to help them deal with mental health.

He said, “It would be great to see a new independent body. They have to stop acting in silos, whether they are individual organizations – EFL, Premier League, WSL, Championship, PFA, Fa.

“These are all individual things and give short nods to another activity.

“But there is no continuation of concern. We need the outer third party, a counseling committee.

“But everyone, even if you are not in football, should be aware that there is help there.

“I have a professional coach. I have people I believe. I prioritize things that make me feel good and hold me well, no matter what’s going on.

“I am proof that you find the way. You just have to talk to the right people.”

  • Find out more about Clarke and Carrie on Clarkeandcarrie.com.
  • Unlock more award -winning articles as the sun triggers a brand new membership program – Sun Club.

Mental health assistance

If or anyone you know you need help solving mental health problems, the following organizations support.

Next is free to contact and confidential:

Um, www.mind.org, provide information on types of mental health problems and where to seek help. Send e -mail info@mind.org.uk or call inflolins at 0300 123 3393 (UK Fixed Calls are charged at local prices and mobile phone costs vary).

Youngminds run a free, confidential parent’s help line at 0808 802 5544 for parents or carers worried that a child or young person feel or behave. The website also has a chat option.

Revise mental illness, www.rethink.org, provides advice and information services offers practical advice on a wide range of topics such as the Mental Health Act, Social Welfare, Welcome and Nursing Remale. Use its website or call 0300 5000 927 (calls are charged at your local rate).

Heads together, www.headstonger.org.uk, is a mental health initiative run by the Royal Foundation of the Prince and Princess of Wales.

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