DEAR DEIDRE: AS a teenager I experimented sexually with my cousin, now the thought of getting married in front of him makes me sick.
I haven’t seen it in a few years, but it’s still something that makes me very uncomfortable.
I’m a 30 year old woman, he’s 31 and now we’ve both moved on, but we’ve always been close growing up.
Our moms are sisters and best friends, so we spent a lot of time together in childhood.
At the age of 15, I had no experience with the opposite sex.
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My emotions and hormones were running wild, but all I knew was that I liked my cousin. And soon it became obvious that he liked me too.
One afternoon, while our moms were out shopping, we started making out in my bedroom.
At first we would kiss and touch over our clothes, but over time it escalated.
We never had full sex, but within a year we had done almost everything possible. We eventually outgrew it and never talked about it again, but looking back I feel so weird about it.
Whenever I see my aunt or hear what my cousin is up to, I remember how we undress each other.
Although he is married with two children, the thought of him being present on my wedding day annoys me.
If it were up to me, I wouldn’t invite him, but if I tried to leave him out, my family would wonder why.
It feels so wrong to mess with my family sexually and I’m struggling to forgive myself – and him.
I don’t want my wedding day to be burdened with thoughts of my past.
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s perfectly normal to be sexually curious when you’re young, and it’s not so unusual to experiment with friends or relatives.
You have no reason to feel embarrassed. In fact, legally there is nothing wrong with being a first cousin. This is not perceived as incest.
Try not to let it define you. We all do things we regret.
Ultimately, it’s your wedding and therefore your decision. But you both moved on so this is a closed chapter.
If this still bothers you, talk to someone about your feelings.
You can contact Family Action (family-action.org.uk) which provides confidential emotional support.
Categories: Optical Illusion
Source: HIS Education