Michael McDonald Says a 'Big Part' of His 41-Year Marriage 'Success' Is Wife Amy's Ability to Forgive Him (Exclusive)

When Michael McDonald met his wife Amy Holland, a singer-songwriter from New York in 1980, his life changed forever.

In his memoirs What a fool believesout now, McDonald talks about meeting Holland in the studio in 1980 while producing her album On your every word — and their ensuing love story. The couple eventually married in 1983 and had two children together: Scarlett, now 33, and Dylan, now 36.

However, their relationship was not perfect, and McDonald admits that her patience is largely responsible for the success of their marriage.

“We’re certainly not perfect. And a big part of the success of my marriage is that my wife has forgiven my behavior over the years, and my selfishness is what it comes down to and dealing with all the character flaws that come from my own fear of life,” he says. McDonald, 72, to PEOPLE in last week’s issue.

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McDonald — who dealt with substance abuse before choosing sobriety 27 years ago — says it’s only “by the grace of God and the people I’ve been fortunate to meet along the way that I’m still here today.”

In 1986, McDonald and Holland were living in Nashville when they received the devastating news that she had been diagnosed with breast cancer. She underwent aggressive chemotherapy and is now cancer free.

Looking back on that trip, McDonald says the Netherlands pulled him through.

Michael McDonald and Amy Holland in Los Angeles in February 1983.

Ron Galella, Ltd./Collection of Ron Galella via Getty

“I learned so much from her in that experience about love. And those are the things that even in the difficult moments that we might have later because we’re married… I always had to hold on to that no matter who she was and how important she really was to me .”

Although the experience was terrifying for McDonald, he is grateful for it and believes it only strengthened their love.

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“I firmly believe that the worst things that have happened to us will inevitably and inevitably turn out to be the best things that have ever happened to us if we survive them,” he says. “There are these silver linings in the worst things that happen that you can’t get any other way, which is sad to say, but that’s part of life. It’s the way life works and maybe the way God intended it to work. ”

“We find ourselves going through those moments. I remember the saddest part of the whole thing, when I realized that my wife and I were discovering what it means to love someone else in ways that we might never have discovered any other way,” he continues. . “Although I wouldn’t want to go through that again for any reason, I’m grateful for those lessons.”

Michael McDonald’s What a Fool Believes.

Day Street Books

McDonald says those moments are what kept their marriage together and made him realize what he admired most about his wife: “She put us first, even in the darkest times of that struggle. That says a lot about her.”

For more McDonald’s, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands everywhere now.

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