Ryan Reynolds Opens Up About His Late Father's Hallucinations from Parkinson's: 'Wish I Knew Then' (Exclusive)

Ryan Reynolds was 22 when his father, James Chester Reynolds, a former police officer, was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. But their Vancouver family rarely discussed the subject. “He said the word ‘Parkinson’ maybe three times that I know of – and one of them wasn’t me. There was a ton of denial, a ton of hiding,” says Reynolds, whose father died in 2015 at age 74 after living with the disease for nearly 20 years.

The two had a complicated relationship, made worse by what it is Deadpool & Wolverine Starr later learned that his father struggled with hallucinations and delusions, two lesser-known symptoms of Parkinson’s disease that began about 10 years after James’ diagnosis. “It really destabilized my relationship with him because I didn’t really know what was going on,” says Ryan, who has partnered with the More to Parkinson’s education campaign, which offers resources to patients and carers.

Nine years after his father’s death, Ryan (47), the youngest of four brothers, had four of his children: James (9), Inez (7), Betty (4) and Olin (1) with his wife Blake Lively (36). .He opens up People in this week’s issue about what he’s learned about Parkinson’s disease and the perspective he’s gained through fatherhood.

Ryan Reynolds and his father James Reynolds in 1993.

Courtesy of Ryan Reynolds

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Ryan’s relationship with his father was challenging for several reasons.

I must preface this with the fact that my father was a man who did not share his feelings. He was a boxer, a policeman, a tough guy. I can’t even remember ever really talking to my father. He was a present-day father, never missing a football game, but he just didn’t have the capacity to feel, or at least share a little, the full spectrum of human emotions. And pride was so ingrained in him that it dictated almost everything he did.

Ryan struggled more with their relationship as the effects of James’ increasingly frequent hallucinations and delusions caused a deeper divide.

Then I just thought, “My dad is losing his mind.” My father really slid down a rabbit hole where he struggled to distinguish fact from fiction. And later, everyone else in his life lost the fundamental faith and trust they had in his point of view. There would be conspiracy webs he would spin about “this is happening” and “these people might be after me” or “this person is out to get me.” And just things that were such a wild departure from the man I grew up with and knew.

Ryan (bottom right, aged 5 in 1981, with brothers Jeff, bottom left, Patrick and Terry, top left and right) and father James (centre).

Courtesy of Ryan Reynolds

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Ryan says that in the years after his father’s death, he thought more deeply about their dynamic.

I keep putting the pieces of the story together. I didn’t really accept my own responsibility. It was very easy for me to distract myself from the idea that my father and I did not agree on anything and that a real relationship with him was impossible. And as I’m older now, I look back on it and think about it more because it was my unwillingness at the time to meet him where he was. Maybe I could have been with him towards the end, but I didn’t. He and I just drifted apart and that’s something I’ll live with forever.

Find out more about Reynolds and his relationship with his father in this week’s issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday.

But there is a nuance, and there were many moments [of connection]. I sent my dad a letter about five months before he died, which I’m very grateful for. The letter was basically a list of all the amazing things he had ever done – every time he showed up or every time he caught me outside after baseball practice. Every time he was just there. And if a man couldn’t express his emotions in a way that was dynamic, well, a lot of people can’t. The guy was born in the 40s. it’s okay So I’m very grateful that I sent that letter. I know for a fact that it meant the world to him. So I got that conclusion, but I wasn’t with him when he passed away, and I wish I was.

Ryan in 1988 with his parents and brother Jeff (far left).

Courtesy of Ryan Reynolds

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Ryan’s mother, Tammy, was James’ primary caregiver as he struggled with delusions as well as the motor symptoms of Parkinson’s disease.

My mom, I think, lived in real isolation with my dad for many, many years. And when someone is not necessarily speaking from their basic or true mental state, it can make life miserable for a single person [there]. My mom was my father’s support at the time, but it really broke her. Caregiver fatigue is very real — it’s probably one of the most underreported side effects of an illness like this. I wish the resources that are available now to treat that part of Parkinson’s disease existed, or at least we knew about it then, because it would really give a lot of hope.

Ryan found more perspective as he became a parent himself and named his oldest child James.

Healing for me actually comes more through my relationship with my own children, as I take on some things from my father that are of tremendous value. My dad had incredible integrity. He didn’t lie. [Now] I have to fill in those little gaps that might be hurting me. I have to show up. When my kid acts out or tells me I’m the worst — my dad would retreat into the power of silence, and that’s no way to give credit to your kid. So that I can get down to their level and simply tell them that I trust them and that I am there for them. . . I said, “Oh, okay. Oddly enough, I didn’t mean to, but I arranged something with my own dad.”

Further information about Parkinson’s disease is available at More to Parkinson’s.

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Source: HIS Education