Sister Wives’ Kody Brown Still Hopes for ‘Friendship in the Future’ with the 3 Women Who Left Him (Exclusive)

Kody Brown wants to focus his energy on improving his relationships with his three ex-wives.

The Sister wives star, 55, tells PEOPLE he’s on a “journey” of both “forgiveness” and “understanding” when it comes to his relationships with Christine, Meri and Janelle Brown, all of whom he split within a 14-month period.

“I have to find that space of grace and love for myself,” Kody says as he admits he wants to “forgive” himself for “being angry about what happened” and “move on.”

“It’s an inward journey and it’s an outward journey,” he explains of his ever-evolving relationship with each of his ex-wives. “You have to express forgiveness to the people you were in a relationship with. You must express understanding and hope that at the end of an era for us as a family, we still have hope for friendship and a loving relationship with each other in the future because we are forever bound through our children.”

Why Kody Brown Thinks The ‘Healing’ Between Him And His Exes Is ‘Just Beginning’ (Exclusive)

Indeed, “the experience was painful,” he says of the end of three of his four spiritual unions, but it was also “a process” to get to firmer ground with his family.

“I’m really just looking forward to a future with a lot of forgiveness and a lot…just more understanding,” he adds.

Now, however, he feels his “confidence is coming back,” as “a few things have happened recently that have really, you could say, restored my confidence, because it destroys your confidence when you’re going through a divorce or a family breakup.”

‘Sister Wives’ Starring Kody Brown and Meri Brown on ‘Good Morning America’ 2011 Ida Mae Astute/Walt Disney Television via Getty

While Kody still hopes for a platonic reconciliation with Christine, Meri and Janelle, he’s also focusing his energies on his remaining marriage to Robyn Brown, which he previously told PEOPLE has changed forever.

“We’re not going to recover from this,” he said. “I mean, it’s not clinical depression, but we were a little depressed because of what the experience did. That’s an understatement. But we went through a very difficult experience and our reaction to it changed us. We are not the same.”

Kody Brown Accepts His Family Has Reached ‘End of an Era’ But Feels ‘Forever Bonded’ to Exes (Exclusive)

He also admitted that he sabotaged their relationship “out of frustration and anger.”

“I thought of myself leaving Robyn and having another lover, looking at that lover and saying, ‘I don’t love you. I’m in love with another woman. I’m in love with the woman I left because I was too much with… to manage the relationship.’ And that was just anger and I’m embarrassed,” he said during the course Sister wives: one on one special.

Janelle Brown, Kody Brown and Christine Brown in Las Vegas in 2013.

Gabe Ginsberg/FilmMagic

As for Robyn, 45, she told PEOPLE that the divorce of Kody’s other marriages left her disappointed. “There’s a weird feeling of, ‘This was the deal — to be together and end up together and always be a family.’ And I just feel like people have left,” she explained.

“Mera’s situation [is] different than maybe Janelle or Christina. She lasted a very long time,” she continued. “So I look at it in a very different way than maybe Janelle or Christine. But, yes, I feel kind of abandoned.”

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Sister wives can be streamed in its entirety on Max.

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Source: HIS Education