LAST Christmas I couldn’t make it to the continental festivities.
I was wrapped in a heavy cloak of negativity, resentment and indifference about the whole situation. To say I was a true Bah Humbug was the understatement of the century.
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It seemed appropriate to spend Christmas alone this year, says Ulrika Jonsson
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I will see three of my children the day before Christmas (the other is working abroad) Credits: INSTAGRAM
It was completely out of the ordinary because normally at this time of year glitter and turkey run through my veins.
If Santa himself proposed to me, I would swim in hot mulled wine to make him my fourth husband.
I was Mrs. Christmas personified — a passionate lover of all things food, gifts, decorations and, above all, togetherness.
But last year got the better of me. It confused me too much, and external problems kept trying to bring me down.
READ MORE FROM ULRIKE JONSSON
I couldn’t muster an iota of half-hearted enthusiasm for it.
I went through the motions on autopilot, for the benefit of others.
When I arrived on Boxing Day, I looked at the tree which indicated that it would come out on the ear in the morning.
This year, however, I am making the biggest change in the 57 years I have celebrated the birth of baby Jesus.
Christmas, in just over a week, will look very different from anything before because I will be home alone.
On his own. by itself. All on my account. Unaccompanied, unattached and, if you like, single.
During Sober October, Ulrika Jonsson talks about overcoming excessive drinking
This year was a year of great changes.
I almost lost my mind from anxiety and alcohol. I really struggled to cope with a life that I didn’t feel well equipped for.
Every day was like wading through a sea of molasses and I honestly wasn’t sure if I would even see Christmas this year.
I was clinging to my teeth with only alcohol as medicine for my broken soul.
Until I discovered that alcohol is not the answer. It wasn’t even a problem. I had to change if I wanted to continue.
Which I did and have now been sober for a little over six months.
So it seemed fitting that I should spend Christmas alone. Not to wallow in some kind of perverse, self-indulgent pity party, but just because it will be nice to take a break from people and life.
My broken soul
No, I wasn’t abandoned or rejected by family or friends and I’m not a tragic, abandoned character by any stretch of the imagination.
I did it this way. I’m not running away from my family, nor am I doing it to elicit pity or sympathy.
It just feels good. Like something I really wanted – and, maybe, needed – to do. You don’t have to have kids, a big family or a huge group of friends to make Christmas Christmas.
Many people happily spend the holiday season alone. Others may be alone for much more tragic reasons. For many, this time of year is a stark reminder of the loved ones they’ve lost.
It is the period when parents are forced to share their children.
There are those who don’t have nice, warm homes full of food and twinkling lights and have no choice but to go it alone, feeling emotional pain, loss and loneliness.
The tricky thing about Christmas is that it is so steeped in tradition.
But what no one prepares you for is that, as the years go by and your children grow up, leave home and start plowing their own furrows, rituals and conventions start to fall apart.
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Streaming is among the only plans I have for Christmas that will definitely include Gavin and StaceyCredits: PA
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I babysit a friend’s dog for two weeks because that’s the kind of friend I am — and then I have my own idiot bulldog, HankCredit: Supplied
Life changes. And you have some time to adjust.
As a mother of four, witnessing the changing shape of Christmas was sometimes painful – it was really emotional. With husbands coming and going, the holiday season hasn’t always lived up to its name.
I can’t help but think of the poor people who will be smothered and suffocated by disgusting extended family members.
I feel grateful that I’m not in a strained relationship, teetering on the edge of collapse which means Christmas will be endured rather than enjoyed.
And I feel blessed that I don’t have to serve anyone hand and foot, travel anywhere, or listen to other people’s infuriating opinions—or just listen to their breathing.
I’m glad I won’t be looking at the clock, hoping people will leave so I can sit back and relax.
Instead – and I may have a romantic notion of how things will play out – I will have absolute autonomy throughout the day. I will be able to wear what I like, eat what I like and watch what I like.
The only plans I have for the day are some fresh air – heaven willing – dirty food, lighting some scented candles, some streaming, which will most certainly involve Gavin and Stacey, and then I intend to just be.
I will be alone, but I will not be lonely.
Ulrika Jonsson
The day before I will see three of my children (the other one is working abroad), so I will be out of my mind from that alone.
The only fear I have, of course, is alcohol. It’s an incredibly stimulating time of year because everywhere you turn, you’re encouraged to indulge in a drink.
Not drinking is considered boring at all times, but at Christmas you’d be forgiven if you thought it was actually illegal. In years past, Christmas Eve was carnage in my house as we were all a little too eager to prove our Swedish heritage by drinking glasses of brandy and singing carols.
It’s a tradition. And it was always the best day of Christmas for all of us. I always thrived in a full house.
I orchestrated hectic Christmas Eve parties marking the Swedish day of celebration with kids and adults running wild.
The endless flow of alcohol and Slade drives even the most reluctant to the living room floor. Mistletoe on every doorstep and huge, sighing buffets to which you are truly enslaved.
Nice trio
My excitement was hard to contain and knew no bounds.
For me this year it will be glasses of water or some other soft drink. I will have to dig deep to hold on tight to my precious sobriety during this period.
But I fully believe I can do it, because he has made such a positive difference in my life that I have no intention of giving up now that I’ve come this far.
Of course, I’m lying when I say I’ll be all alone this Christmas.
I may not have a boyfriend, partner or husband whose hand I can hold or kiss under the mistletoe, but I will have two slightly rambunctious canines sharing my couch.
I babysit my friend’s dog for two weeks because that’s the kind of friend I am — and then I have my idiot bulldog, Hank.
And we will make a nice trio. They will probably pester me about treats and walking the dog, which I will happily agree to.
At least I will remain single, not ready to mingle or accept anyone’s company just because I fear being alone.
I will be alone, but I will not be lonely.
It’s pretty certain that there are a few people who would give their teeth to have some space and vent at Christmas. I would also invite you to my place, but – please, don’t come!
And for those who are forced to spend Christmas alone for whatever reason, know that you are not alone. We can be alone together.
Categories: Optical Illusion
Source: HIS Education