DEAR DEIDRE: I am still haunted by images of my husband kissing another woman and pulling down her bra strap.
I found them on a movie on his phone, showing him with my friend. I’ve since taken it back, but I keep thinking about it.
My suspicions grew after he said he was going to his friend’s house to watch football, but he didn’t return until the early hours of the morning.
As he went back to bed, I pretended to be asleep, but I saw him sending a message to my friend on social media.
The next morning I confronted him and he stormed out without any explanation.
The following weeks were terrible and he did not return home for three months.
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I have reason to believe that all this time he was still seeing my friend.
I am 34 years old and my husband is 36. We have been together since our teenage days and have two sons aged ten and eight.
After my discovery, we started co-parenting – my husband stayed with his parents.
Then I started to get better and everyone encouraged me to start dating again, but I wasn’t interested.
I honestly thought that I would spend my whole life with my husband.
However, my friends set me up on dates and when he found out, he became jealous.
He promised to cut off all contact with my friend and I let him come home.
Our families are happy to be back together, but I can’t go a day without reliving what I saw. The smallest thing sets him off.
I really want our marriage to work, but I’m dying inside.
DEIDRE SAYS: No wonder you’re still wavering. You are doubly betrayed.
You took your husband back, but did he recognize the pain he caused?
From what you’ve written, it sounds like you both glossed over this devastating break in your relationship, hoping it would go away.
But the reality is that that wound will continue to fester until you both sit down and talk about the damage, what went wrong in your relationship and what needs to change.
In order to heal, you will have to face the pain.
It doesn’t help that you’ve seen pictures of their physical betrayal.
Try to create new memories or come up with your own to neutralize those memories.
Relationship counseling would help, so talk to tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960).
Categories: Optical Illusion
Source: HIS Education