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You are talking to someone when they suddenly say something that makes you feel bad. They carry on the conversation like nothing happened, but you’re pretty sure they insulted you. This sounds like a case of put-downs, the kind of bullying that is often disguised as hurtful jokes or “constructive” comments. So how do you know you’re being snubbed and what can you do about it? Read on to find out what demeaning behavior is and why people do it.
- Putdowns are a form of verbal intimidation intended to make someone feel small or inferior.
- If someone puts you down, they might say things like “You’re stupid” or “What makes you think you’ll make it?”
- Stop naysayers by calling them out on their behavior. Then explain to him clearly why what he said hurt you.
Declare yourself. The best way to stop putting down behavior is to openly disagree with what is being said (if it is safe to do so). Calmly and clearly let the person putting you down know that you disagree with what they said. This can stop the bullying behavior immediately.[1]
- Let’s say you’re studying with a friend and he says, “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” even though you’ve passed all the exams this school year. Take a deep breath, swallow, and answer: “More or less.” The last test was set up this way and I spoke to Miss Smith after class to confirm what she would include.”
- If you don’t feel confident speaking up, distance yourself from the detractor and walk away from the conversation.
Face the naysayer. Believe it or not, some naysayers don’t even realize they’re being naysayers. For them, the comments may just be a harmless joke or feedback. If what they said hurt you, be honest. Calmly explain why the comments were hurtful. Most of the time, they will correct their behavior if they care about you.
- Going back to our previous example, you can explain to your friend that you are studying like this: “What you said hurt my feelings because I know what I am talking about. I worked very hard to pass the previous tests, but his comments make me doubt myself ”.
Distract with humour. If you’d rather not talk directly about the behavior, try telling a joke or two to ease the tension. This is a great and subtle way of exaggerating the absurdity of the naysayer’s comment, making them wonder why she said it in the first place.
- For example, you might respond to your study partner’s comment, “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” with a sarcastic comment like, “Oh yeah. I have no idea what I’m talking about, it says my 3 fives high fives in a row.”
Continue to stand up to people who put you down. Unfortunately, change doesn’t happen overnight. Be persistent in calling out naysayers and be patient. Repetition and kindness can go a long way.
- You should know that most bullies and humiliators put others down because they feel inferior and insecure about themselves. You never know what goes on behind closed doors, so always treat people with kindness, no matter how hurtful your comments may be.[2]
- If you feel that the detractor will never stop undermining you, talk to a counselor and consider ending the friendship or relationship. Remember, your happiness and well-being are the most important thing.
Categories: How to
Source: HIS Education