Kris Armstrong was honest with James Armstrong when they first met: She and her ex-husband Brandon Smith, who suffered a traumatic brain injury in 2008 and now requires 24-hour care, came in a package.
“She was honest from the start,” James, 37, tells PEOPLE. “It was either to accept or not to accept.”
Kris, 39, knew she would never leave her first love, but she also wanted the family she dreamed of one day with Brandon, 38.
“Often when something really heartbreaking happens to people, resilience comes when we find meaning,” says Kris. “There is a lot of beauty in how our family works. It is wonderful and has grace. But there was so much sadness and grief.”
James Armstrong with Brandon Smith.
Courtesy of Kris Armstrong
Kris married her first love when they were only 21 years old. The Texas high school sweethearts met when Kris was 16 and Brandon was 15.
“Brandon was and is an absolute gem of a man,” says Kris.
However, their future was shattered just two years later, on November 5, 2008, when Brandon was hit by a moving truck in a horrific accident.
“It was like living in a nightmare,” says Kris. “There would be a moment when I would wake up in the morning and forget, and then it would all come back.”
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The wedding of Kris and Brandon Smith.
Courtesy of Michael Smyer
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After the accident, the extent of Brandon’s injuries left Kris unable to fully communicate with her husband. She could talk to him, but she couldn’t discuss complex thoughts or problems. Meanwhile, doctors said they “didn’t know what his future would look like.”
“Of course they told me he had a severe brain injury and it would affect him for the rest of his life, but I didn’t know what it would be,” says Kris. “The unknown part was especially scary.”
She stayed by his side as he recovered and changed careers to become a speech therapist, but after a few years she realized “he wasn’t going to recover to where we could have a partnership.”
“But I knew that I loved him very much, that I wanted to take care of him and still be in his life,” says Kris. “And I knew about the people in his life, I was the most capable of taking care of him.”
My Extraordinary Family is a new series from PEOPLE that explores fascinating families in all their forms. If you have a sweet story the world needs to know, send the details to [email protected]. Due to financial pressures she could not overcome as well as her own desire to have children, Kris made the painful decision around 2010 to divorce Brandon and become his legal guardian.
“Being a carer and being divorced is complicated,” says Kris. “I remember the probate judge asked me what would happen if I changed families, and I said that I had committed to take care of him for the rest of his life.”
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James and Kris Armstrong with Brandon Smith.
Courtesy of Kris Armstrong
Years later, Kris met James online and after a few weeks of talking, Kris knew it was time for James to meet Brandon.
“We took him to church together,” says Kris. “I went to the bathroom and when I came back I saw James’ arm around Brandon and that sealed the deal.”
The two married on September 5, 2015, and welcomed their two daughters a few years later. James also has a son from a previous relationship.
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During their relationship, James was always there for Brandon.
“James loved Brandon 100%, took care of him, was kind to him,” Kris says, adding that James calls Brandon his brother.
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The wedding of Kris and James Armstrong.
Courtesy of Alyssa Beach
“My heart just went out for him, just to see him in a wheelchair, unable to take care of himself and mentally not there for the most part,” says James. “I hope he doesn’t look at me like a bastard who kidnapped his wife, but he can’t really verbalize anything.”
The couple’s two young daughters, now 4 and 5, call him Uncle Brandon, and James’ son, now 14, has also formed a special bond with Brandon.
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James Armstrong feeds Brandon.
Courtesy of Kris Armstrong
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Kris, who started making TikTok videos about life with Brandon last year with James’ blessing, says Brandon needs 24-hour care and lives in a care facility about 10 minutes from his family, but she brings him home regularly.
“I feel like I’ve lost my husband,” says Kris. “The way I found meaning was to go back and work with people like him, and share our story.”
Every year when she submits custody documents to the judge, she includes a photo of her and her husband with their children and Brandon. She says, “I still love him and he’s part of our family.”
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