It’s been a hell of a year. . .
From the first, glorious coronation of a new British monarch in my lifetime and Taylor Swift’s equally stunning succession to the throne of the world’s biggest superstar, to the hideous wars raging in the Ukraine and the Middle East, the dreary and amusing antics of Just Stop Oil imbeciles and the ever-whining Duke and Duchess of Sussex, 2023 was dizzying.
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Harry and Meghan caused much fanfare when they said they cheated death in a ‘near-disastrous’ paparazzi car chase in New YorkCredit: Alamy
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Hugh Grant whined that he only did Wonka because he had so many kids and needed the money Credit: Getty
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These are my Christmas Cracker Awards for the good, the bad and the ugly in 2023, writes Piers
A ride of highs, lows — and politicians brought to their knees by an inexplicable inability to describe a woman.
I spent the year interviewing Britain’s most talked about people, writing thunderous columns, hanging out with incredibly funny people and wondering why the hell the world has gone so mad.
Watch Piers Morgan uncensored weekdays on Sky 522, Virgin Media 606, Freeview 237, Freesat 217 or Fox Nation in the US and enjoy his explosive interviews here
So here are my Christmas Cracker Awards for the Good, the Bad and the Ugly in 2023:
READ MORE FROM PIERCE MORGAN
BIGGEST A-LIST HOLE: Not content with denying the dwarf actor the coveted Oompa Loompa role in Wonka, Hugh Grant then whined that he hated making the movie and only did it because he had so many kids and needed the money.
He also said that he is now “too old, fat and ugly” to play leading roles in romantic movies, which is the first time I agree with him on anything.
COOLEST POLITICIAN: Nicola Sturgeon was forced to resign as First Minister of Scotland over a financial scandal, but also because she lost all public support by refusing to define what a woman is and insisting that male rapists be locked up in women’s prisons simply because they were identified as women to game the system.
FUNNIEST JOURNEY INTO BIOLOGICAL SEXUAL REALITY: Sir Keir Starmer started the year by saying that trans women are women, then went on to say that 99.9 percent of women don’t have penises and ended by admitting that “a woman is a grown woman, so let’s clear that up.”
The rest of us were not confused, Sir Keir!
A SEXIST GARDENING THE PATRIARCHY: Margot Robbie’s grotesque feminist warrior Barbie, who lit up the world box office by portraying all men as stupid, useless and subservient like her tasteless man-servant Ken.
We are not, and I will prove it by leading the fight against the patriarchy in 2024!
THE UNHAPPIEST VACATION: Prime Minister Rishi Sunak hasn’t had a real vacation since before the pandemic, so he was looking forward to flying to Los Angeles with his family for a week in early August.
He got on a British Airways plane at Heathrow, sat in a front row seat, kicked off his shoes, breathed a sigh of relief that he had finally escaped the Westminster rat race and the critical media, then looked over to see me sitting opposite him with a big smile and reacted as if he had just been shot with a harpoon.
Rishi later came for a long chat on air and even asked me for a selfie to send to my #10 team so they could share his “joy” of being locked in a small cabin with me for 11 hours.
VILLAINS OF THE YEAR: Just Stop Oil protesters who think the best way to convince us to follow their cause is to spoil our fun at sporting events, flower shows and art galleries by spraying their stupid orange paint or stopping people rushing to the hospital in ambulances help lying in the middle of busy streets.
Now I’m at the point where every time they pull off another act of vandalism or life-threatening roadblocks, I buy a barrel of oil.
SHAMELESS HYPOCRITES: The Guardian newspaper, after spending decades virtue signaling its anti-racist credentials, suddenly discovered it was founded by slave owners and promptly fined itself £10m in damages to atone for its evil sins.
Lentil-munching clowns would do the world a favor if they went even further with their self-flagellation and shut up.
CELEBRITY OF THE YEAR: Taylor Swift broke all pop star records for ticket and merchandise sales for her Eras world tour and even the box office for her concert film, proving that she is now not only the biggest female icon in music history, but in pure rivaling Michael Jackson and Elvis for the undisputed title of GOAT of both sexes.
She’s also an incredibly sweet person, a brilliant role model to her army of young fans, and has finally found true love with NFL star Travis Kelce. Well done, Taylor!
LEAST CREDIBLE LICK: The odious Omid Scobie, who “accidentally” smeared King Charles and the Princess of Wales as two alleged royal racists in the Dutch edition of his book, then lied about it.
The name Omid means “hope” in Persian, which is ironic considering how utterly hopeless he is.
TOP TWEETER: Gary Lineker could announce: “I love people called Gary” and half the country would immediately explode with outraged fury and demand the BBC sack him for being too partial to people called Gary.
No offense to my old friend, but who cares what he has to say about politics? This is as significant as Theresa May giving her opinion on the offside rule.
BEST JOB TITLE SUGGESTION: When I interviewed Stormy Daniels about her legal battle with Donald Trump, she suggested I consider a career in adult entertainment as Monsoon Morgan.
MOST CYNICAL SCAMS: Australia’s cricketers kept the Ashes alive by running out England’s David Bairstow when he went to speak to his captain, Ben Stokes. It was despicable playing that made a mockery of the spirit of cricket.
But what else to expect from a bunch of convicts-descendants who previously illegally manipulated the ball with sandpaper?
WORST BOOK: Prince Harry Spar’s autobiography, in which he invaded everyone’s privacy, including his family, friends and even the poor woman he lost his virginity to outside the pub, while bleating about invading his own privacy. It should have been called “Spare Me”.
SELFIE OF THE YEAR: After a long, boozy day at the Oval Test match during the Ashes, I spotted Sir Mick Jagger leaving our VIP room and the following conversation ensued:
“Mick, how about a selfie?! We never made one!”
“Not now, Piers . . . another time!”
“Come on, Mick, you’re 80 — we might not have another time. . .”
“Hahaha, good then. . .”
It was a great picture.
SADEST LOSS: Raquel Welch, my first pin-up when I was a young teenager, died in February.
A few years ago, on the day of our brilliant Life Stories show, she invited me to her suite at the Dorchester Hotel because she was nervous about the interview and wanted some reassurance.
But then she rang to cancel me suddenly as I was excited on my way, explaining: “Sorry Piers, I’ve just remembered that I never have morning tea with a man I haven’t slept with.”
COOLEST REPTILIAN: Nigel Farage ended up covered in snakes at the end of I’m A Celebrity. . . Get Me Out Of Here!, which was a fitting test for the biggest snake in British public life.
LEAST SURPRISING WHATSAPP MESSAGE: When the Telegraph published its leaked lock files based on Matt Hancock’s WhatsApp correspondence during the pandemic, they included this gem from Social Care Secretary Helen Whately after I was forced to quit on Good Morning Britain: “How about we celebrate leaving Piers at/after our team meeting tmr pm? Just a thought?”
Hancock replied, “Perfect.”
Of course, parties were illegal at the time.
DAVERS OF THE YEAR: When five men died in a deep-sea submarine after it imploded while investigating the wreck of the Titanic, many cruelly mocked them for having more money than sense.
But in a world ravaged by vigilantism where health and safety freaks are almost illegal to take any risks, I applaud their awesome spirit of dangerous adventure. REST IN PEACE.
Watch Piers Morgan uncensored weekdays on Sky 522, Virgin Media 606, Freeview 237, Freesat 217 or Fox Nation in the US
WAKE UP THE BREAKERS: Brit Awards organizers who, after a ridiculous campaign to make them gender neutral, led by Sam “I used to be gay, now I’m non-binary and demand to be called they/them” Smith, did just that and then announced that all five nominees in the Performer of the Year category are men.
And Smith’s response to this entirely predictable scenario?
“They” said that it was a “pity” that there were no women on the list!
POLITICIAN OF THE YEAR: Argentina’s wild-haired new president Javier Milei — nicknamed “The Wig” — is a former rock singer and tantric sex trainer who has appeared at campaign rallies holding a chainsaw and telepathically seeking advice from his dead dog. He makes Trump and Boris look like choirboys.
FUNNIEST CLAIM: Well-known truth-tellers Harry and Meghan caused much hilarity when they said they cheated death in a “near-disastrous” two-hour high-speed car chase with paparazzi through the streets of New York, a city where traffic is so notoriously terrible it’s faster to walk than drive.
PRINCE ANDREW’S CAR CRASH INTERVIEW AWARD: Hannah Ingram-Moore, Captain Tom’s daughter, who finally admitted to me that she had kept £800,000 from her father’s books which was expected to raise money for a charity on his behalf.
And Baroness Michelle Mone, who told the BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg that lying to the press about your family standing to make £60m on pandemic protective gear (which was never used) was “not a crime”.
No, but that is the same as lying to the public about who they should serve in the House of Lords — and that is reprehensible and shameful.
HERO OF THE YEAR: King Charles. It’s hard to imagine a tougher challenge than following in the royal footsteps of the greatest monarch this country has ever known, but Queen Elizabeth II’s eldest son has done a great job so far, winning over many skeptics with his dignified, docile and charming style.
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Disgusting Omid Scobie ‘accidentally’ smeared King Charles and the Princess of Wales as two alleged royal racistsCredit: instagram
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Sir Mick Jagger with Piers at the Oval trial match during the AshesCredit: Twitter
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King Charles has done a great job as our monarch so far and won over many skeptics Credit: PA
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No offense to Gary Lineker, but who cares what he has to say about politics? Credit: Alamy
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Margot Robbie’s grotesque feminist warrior Barbie set the box office on fire by portraying all men as stupid and uselessCredit: Alamy
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The least surprising WhatsApp message is a gem from Matt Hancock about the departure of Piers Good Morning Britain Credit: Rex
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Sir Keir Starmer has finally admitted that ‘a woman is a grown woman, so let’s clear it up’ Credit: Getty
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Taylor Swift broke all pop star records for ticket and merchandise sales on her Eras world tour Credit: AFP
Categories: Optical Illusion
Source: HIS Education