AJ McLean Wants to ‘Keep Growing with My Wife and Kids’ amid Sobriety Journey (Exclusive)

AJ McLean opens up about his ongoing recovery after battling addiction for more than 20 years.

As the Backstreet Boys singer looks forward to marking two years of sobriety on Sept. 26, “I’m trying to stay firmly in the program,” McLean, who hosts 12-step Alcoholics Anonymous meetings in his home, tells PEOPLE exclusively. “I’ve struggled with self-esteem issues all my life and I’ve learned a lot. My sobriety is the strongest in my life.”

He adds: “I’m in the best shape of my life, mentally, physically and spiritually. I’m actually very happy and I love it, and I don’t want to lose it. I want to keep growing, growing up with my wife, kids and myself.”

The singer, 45, says being a rock star on the road is “different” this time around. He’s usually plagued by paranoia and late-night parties, “when I was out and being a coward,” he says. “I’m in my room all day, I’m not enjoying it. I’ve been to a lot of those places before on tour, but I wasn’t sober and I didn’t see them with sober eyes.”

AJ McLean and his daughters in Los Angeles in April 2023.

Amy Sussman/Getty

“So I go back to those places, get out of the room and try the local cuisine, do fun things,” McLean tells PEOPLE. “This last leg, going to places we’ve never been, Egypt, Iceland, Africa, Bahrain and parts of Saudi Arabia, has been wonderful,” he says, noting that he can enjoy the experience and “take it all in. So everything all I know is that today is a good day. Today is a damn good day.”

With his beloved Backstreet Boys crew — McLean joins Nick Carter, Howie Dorough, Kevin Richardson and Brian Littrell — at the Palace of the Moon in Cancún, Mexico, to perform an all-out concert vacation from April 18-21, 2024. There I’ll Be Attending Meetings Alcoholics Anonymous “whenever I have a break,” he says. “It only takes two for a meeting.”

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“So I have three friends of mine who are going out with their wives,” he says of the concert. “Some of them will already be there and others will come out and actually check out the actual event. So, I say, ‘Hey, we’re here. Let’s sit down. Let’s talk a little bit.’ ‘”

“I talk to my people [Alcoholics Anonymous] sponsor every day, multiple times a day,” he adds. “He’s my best friend, so I’m surrounded by that. I even have people that are on my team that are involved in the programs, so it’s always around me.”

Backstreet Boys in the 90s: AJ McLean, McLean, Nick Carter, Howie Dorough, Kevin Richardson and Brian Littrell.

Tim Roney/Getty

AJ McLean shows off her fit body amid health and sobriety journey: ‘No more daddy body’

McLean admits that substance abuse and fame sometimes put pressure on his personal life. In March, his wife Rochelle, 41 — with whom he shares daughters Lyric, 6, and Elliot, 10 — revealed they had split. Now the star (born Alexander James McLean) is focusing on his family amid his health journey.

“AJ is a persona,” he tells PEOPLE. “Alex is who I really am. I need to know that when I’m done with AJ’s stuff, I’m a husband, I’m a father, I’m a friend. If I know how to turn it off, it’s a healthy lifestyle.”

For more from AJ McLean, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands everywhere Friday.

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Source: HIS Education