Bethany Joy Lenz Recalls Having ‘Wild, Vivid Dreams’ Before Hitting a ‘Breaking Point’ and Leaving Cult

Bethany Joy Lenz is not afraid to share her story.

Former One Tree Hill star, 42, is set to open up about her experience in the cult in her new memoir, which will be published early next year.

Although the actress did not reveal many details about what she went through, she recently shared with Hey! News that part of what led her to leave the undisclosed cult was a collection of “wild, vivid dreams” she had after coming to a crossroads with her faith.

“I was very frustrated in my faith and I lost a lot of it along the way,” she said. “And one of my prayers was like, ‘You just have to meet me where I’m at because I don’t even know who you are anymore,’ and so God keeps showing up to me despite the fact that I’ve been putting my middle finger in the air and saying : ‘Fuck you!'”

Bethany Joy Lenz.

Rodin Eckenroth/Getty

‘One Tree Hill’ star Bethany Joy Lenz says she has ‘a lot to tell’ after 10 years on ‘Cult’

Lenz explained that she eventually “reached a tipping point” after her feelings of fear and isolation only increased.

“There’s a lot of ups and a lot of downs, and at some point you just think, ‘Can I just leave this ride, please? What’s wrong with me? Why am I up and down like this all the time?'” Lenz said. “And sometimes it takes a few people at the right moment to say, ‘Maybe there’s nothing wrong with you.’ And that can be a relief.”

Bethany Joy Lenz Says Writing Her Memoir, Including Reliving Time In Cult, Was ‘Painful’ (Exclusive)

The singer-songwriter attributed her experience earlier One Tree Hill as the one who also helped her decide to leave her cult.

“I was there for nine months of the year in North Carolina,” she said of filming the series in an interview with Diversity. “I flew back and forth a lot, had a lot of people visit me and things like that, but my life was really built in North Carolina. And I think the spatial separation made a big difference when it was time for me to wake up.”

The cast of One Tree Hill.

Frank Micelotta/Getty

Writing about her experiences is something Lenz has found rewarding. Speaking to PEOPLE, she shared that it was part of her “recovery.”

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“Recovery looks different for everyone, depending on your trauma experience,” she said. “I had to start from the foundation of my personal understanding of God and the experiences I had. And then there was a lot of going back to who I was before and remembering that and then admitting that there was so much that I just didn’t know.”

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Source: HIS Education