“I used to walk into a room and wonder if I was the biggest person in it. Now I walk into a room and wonder how many things I can lift.”
With that line in his new essay, Built for this: the quiet power of powerliftingchef and cookbook author Julia Turshen describes the physical and emotional journey that allowed her to move from feeling self-conscious to feeling comfortable—in any space.
Turshen, 38, describes how she managed to break away from a disordered diet with the help of powerlifting in her contribution ROXANE GAY &a collection of essays edited by Roxane Gay for Everand, a digital content subscription.
The Simply Julia the author talks about how her self-image and relationship with food was formed in childhood. And as she exclusively told PEOPLE, her struggle with disordered eating and calorie restriction is connected to her career as a chef.
“Writing cookbooks and writing recipes allowed me to count, measure, calculate the exact amount of ingredients,” Turshen tells PEOPLE. “I got to apply my obsession with numbers like that to a successful prescription writing career.”
But it wasn’t until April 2021, when she spent the summer working on a farm, that she learned to celebrate what her body can do — not just what it looks like.
Julia Turšen.
Photo by Kevin Drury
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“Working on the farm changed everything for me. When I started thinking about what parts of working on the farm made me feel really comfortable and confident and proud of my body, what always came to mind was lifting big heavy things: crates of vegetables and big bags of root vegetables and things. I love that I was able to do it and I wanted to have more opportunities.”
In March 2022, a friend introduced her to Matthew Santiago, who would become her coach and mentor in powerlifting. And when the opportunity arose to write about her powerlifting journey, “There was something I wanted to write—that wouldn’t really fit in a cookbook—to really explore something that changed the way I felt about my body, in hopes that could connect with other people, who are also experiencing the complications of living in a human body.”
Below, she talks to PEOPLE exclusively about her evolution.
When you started powerlifting, you let your coach Matt decide how much weight to lift – you said you didn’t want to know. Why was that?
“In general, it was difficult for me to keep track of numbers, calories, other nutritional information, pounds gained or lost. I really get lost in numbers like that. When I made the decision to work with Matt — which is a luxury afforded to work with a coach — I asked him to just be in charge of the numbers so I wouldn’t have to be. I think of it as a very self-protective decision, because I wanted to think about how I feel in my body, and just feel how I feel…be in the moment and feel how the weight feels when I lift it and respond to that feeling, and not on quantity.”
When people think of professional chefs, they might think of the stereotype of hot heads shouting in the kitchen. How did powerlifting give you peace?
“I’ve lived a lot of my life looking for validation from other people, whether professional or personal, and I think powerlifting has allowed me to give that to myself, so I don’t look for it from other people. It makes me feel really good about myself. I am proud of myself and I know what I am capable of, and this allows me to be much more relaxed. He gave me a lot of peace and calm. It’s not a magical thing. I still get upset about a lot of things. But I gave myself this routine where I show up alone several times a week and remind myself that I’m a really capable person. It makes me feel really at peace in other parts of my life.”
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Julia Turšen.
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You talk a lot about taking up space as a woman – and being comfortable with it. How did powerlifting help?
“For women and people who present themselves as women, simply enter ua [gym] and not being afraid to take up space is a really big thing. The first time it happened, someone asked me if I was bench pressing, because I was resting between sets and I said, ‘Oh yeah, you know, I’ll just be a little bit longer, I’ll let you know when I’m done.’ He left and it was good for that. Getting that relaxed response was very empowering for me. Just voicing my needs and not getting out of the way just because someone else wants to use this thing is actually something I have every right to do. And for someone who didn’t have a lot of experience with it, it seemed like a big deal to me.”
In the essay, you describe your first competition. What do you like about powerlifting competitions?
“I like to compete, not because I have a desire to compete against other people or see where I’m ranked. I’m not interested in any of that. It’s really cool to stand in front of a room of people and show them how strong you are. Throwback to that moment in the gym where you said, ‘Oh, I’m using this, you know, I’ll be done in a bit’ — taking up space like that while you’re competing, you have to stand in front of everyone and show your strength. And that’s an amazing feeling.”
Built for this: the quiet power of powerlifting is available to Everand.com subscribers. To celebrate the launch Roxane Gay &Everand is extending its signed free trial from 30 days to 60 days, available to all new subscribers via this link.
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