Chynna Phillips reflects on the difficult conversation she had with her late father John Phillips on the eve of her 1995 wedding to Billy Baldwin.
In a video he shared on his YouTube channel California Preachin’ last week, Phillips, 56, revealed that John “blindsided” her with a “really intense” conversation the night before he was due to walk her down the aisle.
“We talked about things that were quite poignant and a lot came to the surface and my father had a lot of feelings and of course that made me have a lot of feelings and I remember being up all night. crying, and also numb,” she recalled. “I’d cry and then I’d go stoic again… and it was because my father had just revealed some really big information to me and I just felt blindsided by it.”
Phillips has not revealed the details of her difficult conversation with The Mamas & The Papas singer John, who died of heart failure in 2001 aged 65. But the two have had a complicated relationship over the years, and she said in the video that he’d missed out on his entire childhood “because he was high.” Phillips has also publicly supported her half-sister Mackenzie Phillips, who wrote in her 2009 memoir that she and John had an on-and-off sexual relationship for 10 years.
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While Phillips said she knows it sounds “horrible” that her dad would choose the night before his daughter’s wedding to have such a conversation, she felt his intentions were good and he may have felt the need to “cleanse himself” before walking her down the aisle. passage in the church, “for your conscience”.
Singer Wilson Phillips and Baldwin married the next day, and are now parents to daughters Jameson (23) and Brooke (19) and son Vance (22).
“I remember that I didn’t sleep much the night before, and I had a lot of adrenaline flowing because of the information,” she said. “But at the same time, it was one of the most priceless conversations I’ve ever had with my father, and it was definitely, bar none, the most honest conversation I’ve had with my father, and the most raw and real. conversation I ever had with my dad.”
Chynna Phillips and Billy Baldwin at their Hamptons wedding in September 1995.
John Roca/NY Daily News Archives via Getty
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She continued: “There was a real contrast, because on the one hand it was so beautiful and precious to me, but on the other hand it was so scary and upsetting… I think he felt shame and guilt and I think he felt like he needed to unload. ”
Phillips admitted that finding a place in her heart for forgiveness “takes time” and called it “a process.”
She previously welcomed Sister Mackenzie to her channel as a guest in December, where the two discussed how they actually found forgiveness.
“Obviously, he’s an amazing songwriter and, you know I loved his laugh, and yet there was this whole other side of dad that was, I think, kind of like a monster,” Chynna told Mackenzie. “It was so dark, and you just didn’t know who you were going to get. It was very unpredictable.”
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Source: HIS Education