How Haunting Teenage Conversations Led Track45’s KK Johnson to Co-write ‘When I Grow Up’ (Exclusive)

It took four years for Track45’s deeply personal new single “When I Grow Up” to materialize, but many more years for the feelings behind the song to simmer in KK Johnson’s soul.

“Brew is actually the perfect word,” says KK Johnson, 27, in an interview with PEOPLE. “This song went on a journey and we rewrote it and wrote it and re-recorded it and worked on the song for a long time, probably four years trying to get it right.”

Indeed, the country sibling trio of siblings Ben, Jenna and KK Johnson all agree that from the beginning, “When I Grow Up” was always the kind of song they wanted to take their time with, hoping they could get that Law.

Because ultimately, that was KK Johnson’s story to tell.

“When you’re young, you never really think about … that some of the people who are your friends aren’t going to be around forever,” says KK Johnson, whose memories of a high school friend who experienced “severe suicidal thoughts” ultimately was the driving creative factor behind “When I Grow Up”. “When you’re younger, the gravity of the situation doesn’t really hit you until you look back on it.”

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Kevin Grace

Indeed, as the poignant lyrics of “When I Grow Up” unfold, she tells a harrowing story from KK Johnson’s past, when a high school friend confided in her about the dark thoughts she was struggling with.

“It was a lot to handle as a kid,” reflects KK Johnson. “I definitely felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about it.”

But she found a way to tell her brother and sister.

“You never know how difficult a situation is,” Track45’s Ben Johnson, 31, tells PEOPLE. “I think we knew probably 30% of what KK was dealing with, but it’s like an iceberg. You kind of see the surface, but that’s what’s under the water and under all those layers that we didn’t know about. Years and years passed before we realized how difficult this whole situation was.”

“I remember KK saying, ‘I don’t know what to say,'” added Jenna Johnson, 32, of her sister’s plight. “She kept saying, ‘I don’t know what to do. How can I improve things?’ I think it’s really important to just sit with somebody and just talk to them and be there, so they don’t feel alone. You don’t always have to try to fix things.”

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Alyssa Gafkjen

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And while years have passed since those dark conversations with her high school friend, the lessons KK Johnson learned during that time remain.

“I think the reason we’re releasing this song is because so many people are going through similar situations like this and feel alone and isolated,” says KK Johnson, who released their deeply personal EP with her Track45 bandmates Grown earlier this year. “And that’s the worst feeling in the world, especially when you’re young. I am not the only one who has ever felt these things or has known someone who has. I think so many people will be able to hear their own story in this song.”

But at the same time, it’s not a song with all the answers.

“It is not instructive in any way”, continues KK Johnson, who wrote the song with the help of her Track45 bandmates along with fellow songwriters Jonny Price and Jaida Dryer. “This song just says that you are not alone in this situation. And we hope that listening to the song can give people in the situation or who have ever felt that way to feel less alone and less isolated, to be able to talk about it and feel liberated in a way.”

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Alyssa Gafkjen

Certainly, “When I Grow Up” deals with a situation that might not have been so freely discussed in a three-minute song many years ago, at a time when there was still a stigma surrounding mental health.

“We were needed four years to compose this song, and I don’t know if it could have come out two years,” says Ben Johnson, who along with his Track 45 bandmates will host a concert in Franklin, Tennessee, on October 26, with all proceeds going to the Mental Health Initiative, an organization founded by him, his wife, Lauren Conklin, and mental health specialist Jessie Louverture whose mission is ‘to ensure that individuals who have serious and recurring mental health problems have access to effective treatment regardless of income or insurance status.’

“At the end of the day, we make music to connect with people,” concludes KK Johnson. “Even if [‘When I Grow Up’] is a very heavy and dark song, there is still hope inside, and hopefully that will happen.”

If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Line by dialing 988, texting “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Line at 741741 or going to 988lifeline.org.

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Source: HIS Education