DEAR DEIDRE: I caught my wife in bed with our boiler room engineer the day my surgery was cancelled.
I am 69 and she is 62. Dementia has set in and things are frustrating for her because her memory is not good.
We hadn’t had sex in years—since my diabetes diagnosis, which left me unable to perform.
This frustrates my wife and she has had to accept that our days of afternoon sex are over.
I was booked in for cataract surgery, but that coincided with the boiler service.
So I insisted on going alone and booked a taxi.
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He can’t drive these days anyway, and I didn’t want him waiting for me all day.
Frustratingly, the consultant was ill so they canceled all operations at the last minute and I was back home within two hours.
I saw the engineer’s van outside, but he wasn’t in our kitchen, and neither was my wife.
When I went upstairs, moaning sounds came from our bedroom and I looked through the crack in the door to see movement under the covers.
They didn’t see me. I quietly slipped out and went into town in a daze, and didn’t go home until an hour later, phoning my wife to tell her I was on my way.
You wouldn’t know that nothing was out of place at home. He left and the boiler was serviced.
But I can’t undo what I saw. She is in her late fifties and has been working for us for years.
I love my wife so much and I wonder if she really knew what she was doing.
I can’t give her what she wants, so should I let him?
DEIDRE SAYS: No. Dementia is a serious disease, but she knows what she’s doing and this is betrayal.
Find a moment to talk to her about what you saw and heard. You can also contact tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1975) which offers couples counselling.
Tell your wife you don’t want her to see that man again.
You may not be able to have penetrative sex today, but you can be full of love and intimacy, even with diabetes.
Contact diabetes.org.uk) for more advice. My cheat support pack will help you.
Dementia UK (dementiauk.org, helpline 0800 888 6678) is also always there for advice.
Categories: Optical Illusion
Source: HIS Education