DEAR DEIDRE: I was horrified to learn that my husband raped his sister when they were teenagers.
Now I understand why she wants nothing to do with him, me or my children.
It disgusts me and I cringe when I’m around him.
I am 42 years old, and my husband is 45. His sister is 41 years old, and my daughters are ten and eight years old.
It is not the first time that someone has accused my husband of sexual abuse.
The babysitter I hired refused to come back after she said he exposed himself to her.
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I didn’t believe it then, but now I know she was telling the truth.
He says that everything is made up and that his sister has mental problems. But she has no reason to lie.
I know this isn’t my fault, but I feel terrible. Which makes me wonder what else he did.
Although I’m sure he wouldn’t hurt our daughters, I worry about them too. I feel like I’m living a lie.
DEIDRE SAYS: This must have been quite a shock. It sounds like no one reported him to the police, so he thinks he got away with it.
What is important now is to protect your daughters. Make sure they are not left alone with him, at least until you get some advice.
Please contact Safeline (safeline.org.uk, tel: 01926 402498) where you can speak to an independent sexual violence counsellor.
Counseling would also be helpful. See my support package about it.
I can’t make both women happy
DEAR DEIDRE: I am forced to choose between my mother and my married lover.
My mom says she can’t have a relationship with me if I break up my lover’s marriage because she has a child. But whatever I do, I know I’ll be miserable.
I am 33 years old and my lover is 36. My mother is 65 years old.
A few months ago, I broke up with my longtime girlfriend – who my mom adored and thought I was going to marry.
Soon after, I started seeing a lovely woman from work.
She is in a very unhappy marriage with a man who treats her badly. The only reason she hasn’t left him already is because they have a four-year-old son.
We’ve been seeing each other for six months and I love her. The sex is great – much better than with my ex – and I can really talk to her.
I told her that I would be there for her and her son if she left her husband. He is a sweet little boy. I told my mom about my lover because I wanted her to know how happy she makes me.
Her reaction shocked me.
She said she didn’t want to know because she grew up as a stepchild, after her mom had an affair and remarried, which ruined her childhood. Her stepfather was cruel to her and never treated her as his own.
She told me that she could not accept my new relationship and if I continued, she would not be in my life.
He doesn’t want to meet my lover.
This is so painful because I am so close to my mom, but I also see a future with my lover.
DEIDRE SAYS: Your mother’s childhood experience has clearly had a major and negative impact on her life and she fears that history will repeat itself.
She is understandably worried about your lover’s young child, who is caught in the middle of this situation.
However, you are a grown man and you have to make your own life decisions, even if she doesn’t approve.
It is possible that if you and your lover settle down as a family, she will eventually accept your relationship.
But your lover is still with her husband and you can’t know for sure if she will leave or if things will work out between you.
My support package, Your Lover Not Free, can help you think things through.
You may have to accept that your mother will never give you her blessing
Categories: Optical Illusion
Source: HIS Education