The ‘Real Housewives of New York City’ newcomer opens up to PEOPLE about parenting, baby No. 3 and misconceptions about her family
Jessel Taank is opening up about her family life.
Speaking with PEOPLE about her decision to open up about her in-vitro fertilization (IVF) journey in season 14 of The Real Housewives of New York City, the fashion publicist Jessel Taank (Bravo’s first South Asian Housewife), 40, says it’s been “very surreal” to watch audiences react to her story.
“I’m used to this world of entertainment and fashion, being in this industry, but until the show airs, it doesn’t feel real,” she tells PEOPLE. “You’re filming and you’re in it and doing all the press but the night of the premiere was when I was like, ‘Oh my goodness, people are actually seeing this now.’ It was such an out-of-body experience for me, honestly.”
Explaining that her fertility journey has been “a huge part” of the several years of her life, Taank says she wanted to give viewers an honest look at what it took to welcome twin boys Kai and Rio, now 2½.
“I know it’s probably not even comparable to what some other women out there experience, but I think it took us from start to finish, almost four years.”
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Admitting that like many women, she thought she’d get pregnant “so quickly, right after I got married,” Taank says that she found it “frustrating” that “it wasn’t happening for me.”
“I went through so many different emotions. I really hit rock bottom, in a depression at one point. And I don’t think that people talk about that part of it enough, and I really want to normalize that conversation.”
When it came to her own IVF experience, Taank had husband Pavit Randhawa’s support but didn’t share what she was going through with friends or extended family.
“I pretty much went through the experience alone. And that was a choice that I made because I didn’t feel like I could share what I was going through,” she recalls. “I think when you’re in that moment, it was very isolating and I didn’t want the added pressure of everyone asking about it.”
“When I came out of it, I realized that maybe I should have been more open about it and there could have been a support system that might have helped me,” she admits.
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Part of the difficulty sharing for Taank was knowing the cultural expectations there were around growing her family as a British-Indian woman.
“I can’t speak for every culture, but certainly I think with Middle Eastern and Asian cultures, fertility and childbirth is kept quite personal and quite private,” she explains. “And as a culture and women are typically seen to be this machine that bears children. You’re sort of seen as this mode of reproduction and there’s very much that type of mentality, even for me growing up.”
“There’s so much stigma around these conversations, so when I was faced with this fertility issue, I didn’t know how to approach the subject,” she continues. “In hindsight, I probably could have. There was a big part of me that did not want to worry them, since I was living in America and all my family is in London.”
In one moment from this season, Taank reveals that she and her husband had a lull in intimacy, causing her castmates and viewers both to share many opinions that she felt were “disappointing” and unkind to Randhawa.
“With our fertility issue, I was going through it physically, but it was also really tough on him, and I think a lot of people sort of discount that,” she emotionally shares. “We’re married and he was going through the exact same emotions I was. It just seems unfair how a lot of people jumped to assumptions that he was cheating because of the postpartum situation. It drives me crazy that people jumped to that negative conclusion when in actual fact, he has been so supportive throughout everything.”
Taank celebrates her husband for being “the perfect partner in all of this,” while lamenting that he hasn’t had the chance to share his perspective just yet.
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Jessel Taank/ Instagram
“He hasn’t actually had the opportunity, and I don’t know that many men have, to be fair,” she says, noting that Randhawa has had a really “good attitude” about their foray into reality TV.
“He goes with the flow. It’s not easy opening up your life on camera, especially when we talk about really intimate things. But he understood that for me, it was so important to get this message out there about what we’ve experienced because if I can touch someone else with my story, that’s important and just invaluable to me.”
Taank hopes that Indian women, in particular, feel seen in her story, noting how “some of my closest friends” have reached out since the show’s airing to share their own fertility journeys.
“It’s been interesting to see that kind of support and see people who feel like they’re able to just talk about it. It’s been really refreshing to me. So I know I’m doing something right.”
When she isn’t promoting the new season or busy with her career, Taank is soaking up the moments with the twins, who “have just started actually talking.”
“It’s really fun to see their personalities develop,” the proud mom shares. “And they are just so active. It’s been a lot.”
After some rough attempts at travel this summer, Taank is looking forward to “prepping for school” as the twins get ready to go to daycare for the first time.
“It’ll be really fun to see how they handle that,” she says. “I feel like we can’t keep them entertained enough no matter what we do. We go to the park, we’re playing with other kids, but they need constant stimulation, so I think it’ll be great for them to be exposed to more friends their age and have that constant stimulation throughout the day.”
And while she admits that she can feel “stressed” dealing with “double the trouble,” she also says that the toughest thing can be trying to do it all.
“When I found out that I was having twins, I was just trying to give them everything that they need. I think when you have two babies, you feel outnumbered and you’re always trying to stay afloat,” she says.
“The way I like to describe it is, you buy tickets to a rave and you want to go to the rave, but then when you’re at the rave you just can’t leave. You’re constantly dancing to the music and it’s very intense. But I wouldn’t change it for anything because there are the positives.”
She continues, “They have each other and they will always have each other. They have such different personalities and it’s quite fascinating. They’re the same but they’ve each developed into their own little self, and that’s been such a great experience for my husband and I.”
Talks between Taank and Randhawa about baby No. 3 have come up, though she calls them “very polarizing.”
“The way I look at it is I’ve always wanted three children. It’s a shame that it took me so long to have two, and I went through so much to have these embryos and to get to this stage. I know I have a girl in there, and I did want to have a boy and a girl. I would love to be a girl mom at some point, so for me it makes sense.”
Randhawa’s apprehension comes from being “exhausted,” she says empathetically, laughing, “I think adding a third into the equation is going to send him spiraling.”
“We’ll see how it goes. The conversation is always happening and I’d love to go through that process of having a third and sharing that with our audience. It would be fun.”
As the first Southeast Asian housewife, Taank hopes fans will “open up to my culture” as they get to know her in what’s next.
“I want to share my background dn upbringing and be really open and honest and authentic about my struggles and what I’ve gone through to get to where I am,” she says. “And I think that speaks for our entire cast. We’re all mothers and entrepreneurs trying to do our best and I hope that the audience sees we’re normal girls like them, trying to make it through and figure it out.”
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Source: HIS Education