DEAR DEIDRE: When my boyfriend died, I thought my whole world had ended, but nothing could have prepared me for learning about his secret wife and children.
Now I can’t help but wonder if I ever really knew him and if anything he said was true.
I am 41 years old, he was 46 and we were together for two years.
We met for the first time at a business convention and you can say it was love at first sight. From the first conversation I knew we had something special and after that our relationship quickly blossomed.
While we lived on opposite sides of the country, we never let that get in the way of our relationship and saw each other sometimes as often as every other weekend.
I really believed that we would build a future together and not once did a single doubt cross my mind.
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Then one day all his messages stopped. I contacted one of his colleagues from work, with whom we had met several times, and he advised me to look him up on Facebook.
I haven’t used my account in years and was devastated to find that his page had been turned into a memorial page. He died of a heart attack. I was devastated.
Still reeling from the news, I saw numerous photos of my boyfriend and his family – many of the recent posts included his wife.
I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. Not only did I lose it, but I also lost the version of it that he sold me.
I’m not sure how to feel now. Even though I still grieve for him and the future I thought we had, I’m so angry and I can’t face him with all his lies.
How do I deal with these feelings? I’m so lost.
DEIDRE SAYS: It is difficult to reveal a terrible secret after the death of a partner. Not only have you lost the person you love, but the version of him you thought you knew.
There are no easy or quick tips on how to forgive him. But you can try to weave forgiveness and acceptance into your grieving process.
Allow yourself to be angry and resentful for as long as necessary. It is important that you process your emotions so that you can eventually find peace and move on.
Although nothing can change what he did, you can control how you deal with it.
My Coping With Bereavement support pack should help you.
Talking to a professional counselor can help you work through your grief, giving you more peace of mind. Contact Cruse Bereavement (cruse.org.uk, 0808 808 1677).
Categories: Optical Illusion
Source: HIS Education