DEAR DEIDRE: My husband left me for another woman, but he says he’ll come back if I show him love.
Not only does he expect me to forget that he had an affair, that he betrayed me and left our family, now he wants me to show him that he is ‘loved with lots of cuddles and kisses’.
It seems like it’s my fault and he’s giving me an impossible ultimatum.
I was devastated when he first moved out saying he needed a break and was going to stay with a friend.
But then a month later I found out that ‘his friend’ was a woman who had always had a crush on him.
My husband says he only had an affair with her because I didn’t make her feel wanted, wanted and loved. To be honest, this doesn’t come naturally to me and I don’t think of doing these things naturally.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal answer from one of our trained advisors.
Fill out and submit our simple and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
We say “I love you” and cuddle in bed most nights, but I’m not an overly sensitive person.
I am 39 years old and my husband is 41. We have been together for 10 years and have six-year-old twins.
After he moved out, this other woman, who is his former colleague, sent recordings of their messages.
My husband now says he wants to come home but if I can’t give him what he wants he will go back to his mistress and try again.
Apparently she gives him all the love he needs. I’m struggling to get over the fact that he had an affair and I can’t stop the pictures of them together.
I worry that no matter what, she will always be there in the background.
I’m totally confused.
DEIDRE SAYS: If you struggle to show love to the people you love, it probably has roots in a childhood where your family wasn’t overtly demonstrated either.
If you are tactile and show affection, you are likely to feel awkward and uncomfortable.
It’s never okay to have an affair and if your husband felt neglected he should have talked to you, but as an explanation, not an excuse, if he craved love and didn’t get it, he probably felt unsatisfied and looked elsewhere.
It sounds like you both want to work things out, but he has been very clumsy in explaining the changes he would like. To bring about more balance, think about what you would also need.
My Relationship MOT Support Package may be helpful and consider couple’s counselling. Contact Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1960).
Categories: Optical Illusion
Source: HIS Education