MARRIED at First Sight star Gemma Rose Barnes has opened up about her battle with a secret cocaine addiction on the show.
The mum-of-two, who appeared on the Channel 4 reality show last year, claims she suffered a “breakdown” because she stopped taking drugs during filming.
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Gemma Barnes opened up about her battle with addiction while on the show Credit: Instagram / @reallifeofgemrose
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She was partnered with Matt Murray on Credit: C4
Gemma, 31, said: “The first stages where I fell apart were probably my recovery from addiction and I should never have been on that show.
“They should never have chosen me, certainly not. Psychiatrists could clearly tell I was a mess.”
Hairstylist Gemma signed up for Season 7 of MAFS while covering up a decade-long addiction to drink – and cocaine.
In addition to hoping to find the “love of her life,” she also planned to get clean during the shoot.
Gemma, from Exmouth, Devon, told The Cabin Recovery podcast: “I thought, ‘I’ve got to stop at least before I go on the show because she won’t be available.’
“But as you know with addiction you just trade one for the other. Although there was no cocaine around, there must have been a lot of alcohol in those big glass containers.”
Gemma was paired with personal trainer Matt Murray (32) by the producers of the show, but the marriage quickly fell into an ugly breakup, which made her often cry.
She admitted: “People probably told me that, they said, ‘Remember it’s TV’, and I said, ‘Fuck, they’re hooking me up with the love of my life!’
“It’s strange how desperate we act when we really want something and think this is the best way to get it.”
After leaving the show, Gemma spent so much money on cocaine that she lost her home – leaving her and her two sons Ozzy, 11, and Cash, five, homeless.
She admitted: “I lost my home in the middle of it all. I became homeless because of my addiction… we were in that house for 12 years.
“We went to a place for the homeless, luckily I got back on my feet financially and can again afford a beautiful home for us.
“I can’t believe I made them do that. I will never make that mistake. If I spend my whole life making it up to them, I’ll be happy to do it.”
Gemma says losing her home was a “turning point”. She sought help in a 12-step program and was clean and sober for over seven months.
But the redhead, who recently revealed her dramatic 2.5cm weight loss following gastric bypass surgery in Turkey, admitted that when she was “using” cocaine she didn’t care about the consequences.
She said: “There were days when I was sending the merchant a thousand pounds a day, and it was for other people and for me.
“You’re so desperate to get high and forget everything that you’ll just keep spending money on that disgusting, dirty drug. It makes you want it more.
“You do it because, like, your brain is screaming that you need it. My body started to feel so bad that the only time I used was when I was good, so now I’m cut off from the world. But it’s easy to forget those times.
“Your body aches and you’re physically sick at the thought of doing it, and you don’t want to do it, and you’re desperate to wash those drugs off you, but you can’t because it’s got you.”
Gemma reveals how the tragic death of her first love when she was 17 and a turbulent childhood fueled her drug use.
She said: “He had a motorbike accident. It was my childhood love, and after that drugs were just everywhere with alcohol.
“I had no one around to… dissect those feelings.
“I was always looking for a part of my partner who died in other people. I feel so sorry for my younger self now because I thought it might be a coping mechanism for my grief.
“The drug scene I lived in, even now, I could get about a gram of coke easier than a pint of milk.”
She bravely opens up by saying, “I went to live in a homeless hostel when my boyfriend passed away. I was 17 years old.”
She says she longed to be a mum, but when she got pregnant at 19 with her eldest son Ozzy, now 11, it didn’t prove to be the secure family unit she’d always dreamed of.
“I met my eldest son’s father on the drug scene. I was just partying hard. He decided not to be involved. I was alone with the baby.
“You think, ‘I’m not an addict,’ but I was definitely addicted to the time I spent with him… I never realized that the only time we were emotionally open and available to each other was when it came to drugs.
“Ten years in every relationship I’ve had there’s always been drugs and alcohol.”
She had a second son, Cash, 5, but separated from his father a week before her incarceration and spiraled into more serious addiction during the long and lonely months in solitary confinement.
“I felt great. I had a lot of money, and then it went downhill. I couldn’t stop.”
At her lowest point, after appearing on MAFS, Gemma suffered from cocaine psychosis, a psychotic condition that can consist of paranoia, hallucinations and delusions.
She told podcast host Hunter Michael Shepard: “I had a psychosis… from cocaine. I couldn’t take an iota of criticism. Someone said something about me… and I had a complete breakdown.”
Now Gemma is recovering and is excited about her future. She owns a successful hair salon, Gem Rose Hair, lives a “healthy lifestyle” and has promised to only date someone sober in the future. But he admits that the recovery was not easy.
After 30 days, she relapsed. “So I said, ‘No more coke? I’ll have a glass of wine.
“I had to call people from the group and they said, ‘You’re not clean. You drank a glass of wine. It’s a drug. You have to start over.’ I was furious. But I’m glad I did the 30 days and came back because now I know it happens. I know that’s not an option.
“If I were to use it again, it would be prisons, institutions and death. One hundred percent I would be dead. I wouldn’t survive a relapse because of my mentality and the fact that I don’t have a break point. It’s just not an option and I will always be an addict. I am grateful to be on the mend.
“There is no shame in relapse. Not a failure. Just keep going back. If you need a rehab center, reach out and tell people, and be honest with the people who love you because they want to help you.
She added: “Now I really love myself again. I love myself again. I’m a good person now. I got it back, and people can get it back.”
E4 declined to comment when contacted by The Sun.
The Cabin Addiction Recovery Podcast with Hunter Michael Shepard and recovering addict Gemma Rose Barnes can be viewed on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlUtXTZ2V5A
Frank offers confidential drug and addiction advice (email [email protected], text 82111 or call 0300 123 6600) or the NHS has help-seeking information.
If you have been affected by any of the issues in this article, please call Samaritans on 116123 or visit www.samaritans.org
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Gemma is a mum of two Credits: Instagram / @reallifeofgemrose
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Gemma said the series has given her a large following which she is now benefiting from financially. Credits: Eroteme
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