SNL's Heidi Gardner Says Saying Goodbye to Her 17-Year-Old Cat Was 'the Hardest Thing' (Exclusive)

The ‘Saturday Night Live’ star opened up about her deep love of cats to PEOPLE’s One Last Thing

Heidi Gardner was not ready to give up.

The Saturday night live star, 40, admits to PEOPLE in this week’s issue that the last time she cried was when she had to say goodbye to her 17-year-old cat, Marshall.

“This was probably the one thing in my life that I was most in denial about ending,” she says of her relationship with Marshall. “There’s a bodega cat down the street next to me who’s 24 and Marshall was 17, so I said, ‘Okay, I’ve got seven more years.'”

Gardner was warned by others about how emotional it is to euthanize a beloved pet. “I’ve heard different stories about being in the room with your pet and not being with them because it’s so painful,” she says.

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But the actress knew she had to be there when the time came. “What was so wonderful about Marshall and why he was like the best mate ever was that he had these beautiful big blue eyes and he just stared,” she explains. “I’ve never made better eye contact, even with a human being, than with my cat.”

While being in the room with him “sounded so sad and scary,” Gardner knew her cat “deserved to have someone look him in the eye like he’s looked me in the eye for years,” she adds. “He’s been on this planet for a long time, just giving love, and it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I’m like, God, I’m so glad we got to see each other. And I hope he was at peace.”

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Gardner shared Marshall’s story with PEOPLE’s One Last Thing magazine. Read on to see what else the comedian had to say, and for more celebrity news, pick up this week’s issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands now.

The last moment of self-care

I’ve been doing infrared saunas to the point where I thought I should put one in my apartment. It’s cold outside so I feel like shaking my body.

The last obsession

While everyone was watching Schitt’s CreekI was watching a classic TV show Dallas. I’m currently on season 12. I even bought the “Who Killed JR?” T-shirt.

The last thing I took from the set

Every now and then, I’ll take a cue. Right now, everyone in my dressing room is in a heap. I should definitely frame some of them.

I was amazed last time

I was walking in Brooklyn today and saw Matt Damon. We worked together on SNL a few years ago, but I didn’t say anything. I just left with the biggest smile.

Saturday night live airs on NBC at 11:30/10:30c.

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