Do you constantly end up in situations that make you unhappy, but you can’t figure out why? The blind spot is probably to blame.
These are tricky areas of our consciousness that we fail to tune into and the more we ignore them, the more they trip us up in life, whether in relationships or at work.
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Feeling stuck? There is probably a stalemate in the game. To overcome this, you must first find out what personality type you are…
In her new book, What Am I Missing?, author and psychotherapist Emma Reed Turrell identifies four new personality profiles, centered on these so-called blind spots:
- Rock is resilient but cannot show vulnerability;
- The gladiator is determined but distrustful;
- A cheater is charming, but has no value of his own;
- The bridge is simple but lacks true authenticity.
In therapy, Emma says clients often ask her what they’re missing when they try to understand why they face the same challenges in life over and over again.
It’s possible that they can’t understand why they feel so low, why their friends’ success bothers them, or why they just can’t open up to others. “If you already know something is bothering you, but you’re not sure what, or you can’t figure out how you ended up in a situation that doesn’t make you happy, there’s probably a blind spot at play,” Emma explains. To overcome this, first find out what personality type you are…
Rock
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‘The Rock’s emotional needs are often lost due to their blind spot, as they prefer self-control over vulnerability and prioritize the needs of others over their own’ Credit: Getty
Strong, responsible and supportive – that’s The Rock. They are reliable and often find friends who turn to them in times of need. However, their blind spot means they can ignore their own needs. “Rocks often comes to therapy when he’s burned out at work, feels overwhelmed as a parent, or can’t seem to enjoy life,” says Emma.
“The Rock’s emotional needs are often lost because of their blind spot, as they prefer self-control to vulnerability and put the needs of others before their own,” says Emma. Moreover, the ever-logical Rock could find himself on the receiving end of others who carry holes in their self-esteem or unmet needs in other relationships.
Beat your blind spot
FRIENDS Being the go-to person will drain your energy. “Don’t forget to fill your tank too,” says Emma. She also recommends always being honest with your friends and encouraging them to improve instead of relying solely on you.
THE FAMILY “If you don’t feel comfortable sharing your emotions with your family, try rehearsing or verbalizing what you want to say with someone else, as this can help reduce the heat of the conversation,” says Emma.
ROMANCE The rock can seem emotionally unavailable and stuck in relationships of the head – not the heart. “You can only build intimacy in relationships if you risk being vulnerable,” says Emma. “Start by first clarifying how you feel. You might say, ‘I’m a little embarrassed to open up, but can I tell you how I feel?'”
JOB “Beware of burning out,” warns Emma. “Your confidence can see you taking on too much and not asking for help.” Delegate to co-workers, allowing them to take on tasks that match their skills.
Gladiator
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Gladiators may have grown up with unwanted responsibility or pressure to go their own way. Credit: Getty
A gladiator is brave, self-confident and determined to achieve his goals. They can be brilliant leaders, but at times their single-mindedness can make them seem selfish, which can lead to conflict. Gladiators may have grown up with unwanted responsibility or pressure to get their own way, which can lead to them developing a distrust of others and not seeing an alternative option.
Beat your blind spot
FRIENDS Gladiators can seem like bosses without intent. “Look for a win-win when you make plans with friends – you can compromise and still feel better about the end result,” says Emma. Do this by focusing on what is appropriate, not what is “right.”
FAMILY Gladiators can feel stuck in a pattern of resistance. They often think that their opinion is correct. But Emma explains that it’s okay to change your mind. “Ask other people about their views and experiences – there can be more than one truth in a family.”
ROMANCE Gladiators have a hard time trusting others, so they often avoid relationships. “You may be keeping your true feelings to yourself or sending ambiguous messages that keep people at a distance, when you’re actually protecting yourself from rejection,” says Emma. Try to open up to someone you trust and let them see your insecurities. “Slowly build evidence that you can be confident in relationships,” suggests Emma.
WORK “It’s great to bring determination and focus to a task, but you can get further, faster if you first build more collaborative relationships with the team,” advises Emma.
Impostor
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Scammers’ need to keep the peace can cause drama because it relies on manipulative behavior. Credit: Getty
A cheater is conflict-averse and good at compromises, but he has blind spots when it comes to staying true to his own needs and feelings, says Emma. They rely on charm, persuasion and guilt to get what they want, and have often grown up walking on eggshells. Their need to keep the peace can cause drama, as it relies on manipulative behavior.
Beat your blind spot
FRIENDS Cheaters can be insecure, but they often cover it up. If you feel that way, tell the person involved and try not to worry about how they might react. “We can’t stop someone from getting annoyed,” Emma says. “We can only trust that a good friend will be open to fixing if we’ve miscalculated.”
FAMILY You spend too much time second-guessing others and lose sight of who they are. “Take responsibility for your feelings and let them be responsible for theirs,” says Emma.
ROMANCE A penchant for harmony means that the deceiver relies on others to read their minds or manipulate them. “Instead, tell them directly, but be open to negotiation,” says Emma.
WORK “Instead of giving advice that can come across as passive-aggressive when you want things to be different, try telling your colleagues or bosses what you need,” says Emma.
Bridge
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Sometimes the indulgent Bridge’s efforts to avoid upsetting others will actually stifle an authentic relationship Credit: Getty
Most usually seem relaxed and cooperative, but their need for peace can be a blind spot, as it can make them feel naive and even taken advantage of. Maybe they grew up with an overprotective parent. Sometimes the indulgent Most’s efforts to avoid upsetting others will actually stifle an authentic relationship, because true friendships are based on common ground.
Beat your blind spot
FRIENDS Bridges can be accused of over-promising and under-delivering. “You don’t always have to say yes,” says Emma, adding that it’s important to be clear about your priorities.
FAMILY Lightness of personality can work when things are clear, but when there is conflict, you have the right to speak your mind.
ROMANCE Being a traveler in a relationship can create an unhealthy parent/child dynamic, so show yourself as an equal. “Believe in yourself and what you offer,” says Emma.
JOB You’re a willing worker – but don’t be afraid to speak up and let others benefit from your expertise.
- What am I missing? by Emme Reed Turrell (£18.99, Penguin Life) is out now.
Categories: Optical Illusion
Source: HIS Education