My father told me that he had never felt emptiness—that aching, nagging feeling that something is missing in your life—until he left his farming village in rural India. It was a remarkable statement from a man who grew up without running water or electricity and whose family barely had enough to put food on the table every night.
But in the village, people looked out for each other. They shared food, looked after each other’s children and helped in crisis situations — like when the father’s mother died when he was only 10 years old, and the neighbors stepped in as surrogate parents. People also knew each other, not just their names, but their stories and families, and chose to spend time with each other over meals, games and celebrations for the many festivals that dotted the calendar.
I found myself returning to my father’s story as I wrestled with a central question during my two terms as Surgeon General: What are the deeper root causes of the pain and unhappiness I see so often across our country? The answer to this question is urgent because the status quo harms our physical and mental health, deprives us of optimism and contributes to divisions and polarization..
US Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy October 10, 2023
Slaven Vlašić/Getty
There are well-known causes of stress and dissatisfaction – economic hardship, worries about the future, negative headlines dominating our feeds – but even when we address these and other issues, there’s often still something missing.
After years of reflecting on the stories I’ve heard, studying scientific data, and gathering researchers, I’ve come to see that there are three essential elements that fuel our fulfillment and well-being: relationships, service, and purpose.
Relationships keep us grounded and connected to each other. Service, from formal volunteering to informal small acts of kindness, is about helping each other. And purpose gives meaning and purpose to our lives. Together, these elements form the fulfillment triad.
Each of these can significantly affect our physical and mental health, reducing the risk of heart disease, depression, anxiety and premature death. They also allow us to connect with something bigger than ourselves, a universal human need that brings perspective and support and helps avoid the overthinking and self-centeredness that often contributes to mental distress.
Yet all three drivers of fulfillment have diminished in many of our lives. One third of adults and around half of young people struggle with loneliness. Most of our country is not engaged in formal or informal service to each other. Most young adults say they have little or no sense of purpose or meaning in life.
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US Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy October 26, 2022
Valerie Plesch/Getty
Perhaps this is because many of the messages we receive tell us to prioritize the second triad, the triad of success: fame, fortune and power. While there is nothing inherently wrong with these elements, they rarely bring lasting fulfillment by themselves. Young people feel like they have to constantly chase achievements, accolades and followers on social media, hoping that this will lead them to success. Inside, many of us wonder, is this what life is all about?
We need a clear and explicit shift that puts relationships, services and purpose at the center of society — and our lives.
How can we do this?
Every day we can take one action to help someone. Each day we can reach one friend to check on him. We can be more intentional in our conversations with friends and our children about how we cultivate a purpose rooted in contributing to the lives of others.
As a nation, we can strengthen and expand participation in national service programs. We can support local initiatives that bring people together to build relationships and serve. Both employers and schools can build a focus on relationships, service and purpose into their hiring criteria and organizational culture. Finally, we can lift up stories of purpose through music, movies, books, and sermons, so that we see the purpose-driven life as valuable, inspiring, and within reach.
It is not easy to manage the profound change we are living through. But it presents an opportunity to rethink how we live our lives. We have a choice: the status quo marked by pain, disconnection and division or a different path to health, happiness and fulfillment. Choosing the latter will require rethinking what defines success and the good life. This will require building our lives around a time-tested triad of fulfillment based on relationships, service, and purpose.
Like most people, I sometimes worry if I’m accomplishing enough. In those moments, I think about the patients I cared for at the end of their lives. I think about what they shared with me about what made a fulfilling life possible. It was never about the size of their bank accounts, the number of their followers, or the list of their accomplishments. It was always about the people. The people they loved. The people they served. People whose lives they touched. In the end, when only the most meaningful threads of life remain, that’s what matters.
As I finish my term as Surgeon General, this is my recipe for parting with the country I love: reshaping and re-centering our lives around relationships, service, and purpose. This is the path to health, well-being and fulfillment. This is what will help us find our way home.
Full version My farewell recipe for America is available here.
Categories: Trends
Source: HIS Education