Download the article Learn to prioritize yourself regardless of what others think
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You’ve seen it all over TikTok and Instagram: users say they’re entering their “villain era” or “villain arc.” In short, the “villain era” is a decision someone makes to stand up for themselves and set boundaries, regardless of what other people think, but there’s more to it than that. We’ll tell you all about what the “villain era” is, how to embrace your own villain era, and introduce you to some related terms to equip you with the jargon you need to build a better, happier you.
- The “Villain Era” is when someone decides to prioritize themselves, even if others don’t like it.
- Embrace your own badass era by setting boundaries, learning to say “no” more often, and asking for what you want, whether it makes others uncomfortable or not.
- The term probably originated on TikTok and other social media as a feminist response to societal expectations for women to be passive or work to please others.
Set personal boundaries to protect your mental health. Every relationship needs boundaries, whether it’s with a romantic partner, family member, friend or work colleague. To set boundaries, first think about what you need to be your best self—personal space to feel comfortable in, more time on a project at work, to be addressed in a certain way, etc. Then you communicate that need and explain why it is necessary and why it will help everyone involved.[5]
- For example, if you need some space from your friend, say, “Hey, I really enjoy spending time with you, but I feel like I need more time to myself for my own mental health and to enjoy our friendship more. “
Learn how to say “no” to protect your time and energy. If you routinely take on extra work or submit to demands that make you uncomfortable, you may be a bit of a people pleaser. Part of your journey into the age of villains is learning how to protect your own comfort and mental health, and that means starting to say “no” to things you don’t have the energy, time, or mental strength to do.[6]
The more you say “no”, the more people will think before making unrealistic demands of you.- For example, if your boss assigns you another project, you might say, “Can we talk about my workload? I’m worried that having so much on my plate is diluting me and hurting my performance. Can we get another employee on this project? ?”
Ask for what you want, when you want it. Too often we refuse to ask for the things we need, held back by the worry that doing so will make us seem greedy or demanding. But the only way to get help is to ask others for it and let them know you need it. The squeaky wheel gets the grease though.[7]
At the very least, there’s no harm in making your wishes known. At worst, you won’t get them. But the best case? You get everything.- For example, if your friends want to see a certain movie that you’re not interested in, you can say, “I don’t think I’ll like that movie and I don’t want to spend money on it. How about we see this instead?”
- You may have to compromise, but compromise is better than remaining silent. If you don’t watch that movie now, maybe your friends will agree to watch it next week.
Drop the people pleaser and don’t apologize for who you are. People-pleasing is a dangerous trap, because the reality is that you will never be liked by everyone. Stop people pleasing by turning inward and focusing on pleasing yourself. Think: What do you value? What makes you happy? Focus on pleasing yourself before pleasing anyone else. You may find that the people around you will begin to give more of themselves in return.
- Also, don’t be afraid to be yourself! Changing yourself for another person only makes them more comfortable, not you.
Be kind and compassionate, not a real villain. You don’t actually have to be a villain in your era of villains. Even as you begin to set your boundaries, say no, and give up people-pleasing, doing so with kindness and compassion helps others see your perspective and understand your needs.[8]
Communicate patiently and always treat others the way you want to be treated.- Also, avoid assigning blame and focus on the things you have control over. When you focus the discussion on yourself, it encourages people around you to be more responsible.
Categories: How to
Source: HIS Education