Bethany Joy Lenz Recalls Having a 'Sex Schedule' When Married to Christian 'Cult' Leader's Son: 'I Had So Much PTSD'

Bethany Joy Lenz reflects on a dark period in her life.

In the new episode of the series Call her dad podcast, Lenz, 43, opened up about her time in what she describes as a “high-control group” and others have labeled a “Big House Family cult” — and her marriage to the leader’s son. She explained that she and her ex, whom she referred to as “QB,” started off with an “easy” relationship, but the two “didn’t have much in common.”

“There wasn’t a lot of intellectual stimulation,” she told host Alex Cooper. “But I kind of ran out of options. Like, I couldn’t date a non-Christian and I couldn’t date someone outside the group… So it just became this arranged situation.”

“It felt like the promise I got as a good evangelist was a big slur,” she continued, saying she had a “crazy sex drive” that QB didn’t fulfill. “Like, what the hell? I thought if I got ready for marriage, the promise was amazing sex and super deep intimacy, and nothing is ever that good.”

“And then we have sex, and it’s like, ‘Why do I feel so sad? I don’t feel connected to you anymore. I feel further away from you.’ And I don’t think it necessarily had anything to do with me saving myself for marriage,” she continued. “I just married the wrong person.”

these One Tree Hill Stars knew Bethany Joy Lenz was in a cult during filming: ‘You know you’re in a cult, right?’ (Exclusive)

Bethany Joy Lenz.

Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic

This problem led to her and her then-husband creating a “sex schedule” in an attempt to maintain intimacy in their marriage, One Tree Hill the alum claimed.

“Because I was so disinterested in sex, then they asked me to stick to the schedule,” she said. “Mostly like, ‘You just have to do it. Just do it. This is your duty. This is your job as a wife. Your emotions will agree. If you do it enough, eventually you’ll find a way to enjoy it.'”

“It was a routine I had to participate in to keep the peace in my marriage,” she added.

Revealing that she “hated” being intimate with QB, Lenz said she would go out of town for work and come back expecting sex, making her even more unhappy about her situation.

Bethany Joy Lenz.

Rodin Eckenroth/Getty

“My stomach dropped every time,” she said. “Actually, it really affected my relationships later on [with] other boys when I had to pick them up from the airport. I had so much PTSD from showing up at the airport to see him knowing that I’m going to have to start this sex schedule in the next, like, two weeks or three weeks or whatever.”

Actress Bethany Joy Lenz explains how easy it is to fall for a cult: ‘It felt like love’ (Exclusive)

Being a member of a strict Christian group affected her life in many ways. The actress said that her career was greatly affected by the group not allowing her to take on certain roles, even when she was getting “auditions for big studio films”.

“Everything about my career then started going through the group because I didn’t trust my own instincts to know if I was on the right path or if I was taking the right job,” she said. “I was chosen for the role of Bella in Beauty and the Beast [on Broadway] and he gave it up on advice, hard advice [one of the group’s pastors] Les. There were some really big movies that I was shortlisted for, auditioned for, got hooked on, and then I had to call my agent and say, ‘You know what? I don’t really want to do this.'”

Bethany Joy Lenz.

Mindy Small/Getty

Looking back, Lenz said she realized the group’s decisions to keep her away from acting jobs was “just the control” they wanted to have over her.

“The more I worked, the less they would see me,” she said. “The more I worked, the more I gained confidence in my abilities and my creativity. If I just stay playing one character for 10 years and never do anything else, then they know where I am all the time.”

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Earlier this month, Lenz opened up to PEOPLE about her new book, Vampire Dinner: Life in a Cult TV Show (Albeit an Actual Cult!) (released on October 22) and explained how she found herself in it.

“I’ve always been looking for a place to belong,” she said in the October cover story. “I wish someone had told me when I was young that this was a universal human condition, but I didn’t know that.”

– We long for that kind of intimacy – she added, pointing out that she grew up as an only child in an evangelical household. “The idea of ​​someone out there saying, ‘No matter what you do or how bad you behave or what stupid decisions you make, I still love you and I’m here for you.’ I’ve never had that. To go into an environment where I felt like I was surrounded by that, it was like water in the desert.”

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Source: HIS Education