Billie Eilish Says She Feels ‘Very Grateful to Be a Woman Right Now’ in Tear-Filled Speech

Billie Eilish may be known for making fans cry by wearing her heart on her songwriting sleeve, but she once shed a tear over her own progress.

The pop star, 21, was among those honored at the Diversity‘s Power of Women event on Thursday and shared an emotional speech about how she became very “proud” of her femininity after “never really feeling like a woman.” During the speech, the Grammy winner reiterated that she’s “not a crying person,” but continued to cry as she reflected on how she “resent” her past “internalized misogyny.”

Barbie star Ariana Greenblatt did Eilish the honor — reportedly by talking about her “authenticity and fearlessness” and how much she valued their friendship. The “Bad Guy” singer then took the stage while still crying and joked that she was on medication for laryngitis and struggled to hold back tears.

After the hitmaker regained her composure, she began to talk about her identity and experience under the spotlight. “I don’t like to give speeches because I’d rather give my platform to people who know what they’re talking about,” she said. “I was so young – I’m still young – but I’m coming and when I’m 15, I’m really fucked to think about it. I don’t cry, like I’m not a crying person. Like, I’m buzzed now, sorry.”

“But it’s really hard to be a woman here. It’s hard,” she continued.

Billie Eilish at Variety’s Power of Women event.

Amy Sussman/Getty

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The singer-songwriter then spoke candidly about her own experience with her gender. “I’ve been saying this a lot recently, so if anyone has heard me say this, I’m sorry if I sound like a broken record, but I’ve never really felt like a woman,” she admitted. “I spent a lot of my life not feeling like I fit being a woman.”

“I think for a few years because of that insecurity, I became almost very ‘chosen’ about it, and I’d be like, ‘Oh, I’m not like other girls because I don’t do this and that,'” revealed the Oscar-winning songwriter. “I became really jealous of that period because I’m much more interested in being like other girls because other girls are fucking tight and I like women.”

“This sounds kind of fucked up, but I have a lot of internalized misogyny in me and I find it comes out in places I don’t want it to,” the songwriter said. “And I have to say, with full transparency, I feel very grateful to be a woman right now. I feel very proud and honored to be here.”

Billie Eilish at Variety’s Power of Women event.

Lisa O’Connor/AFP via Getty

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In her cover for DiversityIn Power of Women, Eilish first spoke candidly about her experience of feeling uncomfortable with her appearance and struggling to relate to other women.

“I’ve never felt like a woman, to be honest with you. I never felt desirable. I’ve never felt feminine,” the “Happier Than Ever” artist explained. “I have to convince myself that I’m, like, a pretty girl.”

After clarifying her preferred pronouns in the interview, she said: “I identify as ‘she/her’ and things like that, but I’ve never really felt like a girl.”

The alt-pop singer explained that while she feels like she can’t “connect well with girls,” she admires women a lot. “I have deep connections with the women in my life, the friends in my life, the family in my life,” the performer continued. “I am physically attracted to them. But I’m also very intimidated by them and their beauty and their presence.”

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Despite wrestling with these feelings, the “When the Party’s Over” singer opened up in a recent interview with Los Angeles Times about the protective relationship he feels towards the young stars he sees himself in, like Olivia Rodrigo and Greenblatt, 16.

“I just see myself in all these young girls,” she said, referring to her breakout success and the amount of attention she received at a young age.

“And they’re girls, man. Guys can handle themselves. They’re guys — they don’t have to deal with it like we do,” the musician continued. “I just want to keep them all in a little glass case and never let anything touch them.”

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Source: HIS Education