Erika Girardi may have started her 13th season The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills on an “island” among her colleagues, but she tells PEOPLE that the isolation was an opportunity for a fresh start.
“This is a new chapter for me,” the singer-actress says ahead of Wednesday night’s premiere. “I’m in a different space. So I just wasn’t going in there prepared for a lot of conflict. I’m just not where I am. I really want to move on, rebuild and put the past behind me.”
That past she talks about includes much of the drama surrounding her estranged husband Tom Girardi, a disgraced and disbarred attorney who was charged with fraud for allegedly stealing from the families of the 2018 plane crash victims.
The allegations surfaced against Tom when Erika filed for divorce from him in November 2020 after 21 years of marriage. And while she claimed she was unaware of Tom’s alleged criminal actions, her colleagues were quick to question her involvement as criminal and civil lawsuits were filed, some of which implicated Erika.
She has since been acquitted in several of those cases, although other civil battles continue. But still, for the second year in a row last season, Erika was back in the hot seat as her co-stars questioned her level of empathy for the alleged victims in the case. And her defensive reaction to their investigations only drew further criticism of her allegedly icy demeanor.
Erika Girardi and Tom Girardi. Steve Eichner/AP Erika Girardi mourns death of her 12-year-old dog Tiago: ‘Best friend a girl could have’ (Exclusive)
Looking back, Erika tells PEOPLE that while some disagreed with how she handled it, her back was against the wall.
“It’s so funny when people say, ‘Erika, you’re so ice cold, you’re so distant,’ and I’m actually one of the most sensitive people,” she says. “How about this—if I got a chance to stop defending myself, then I could actually show people who Erica really is. It would have been nice if it turned out that way, but it didn’t. I started trying to tell my story in a quiet, civilized way. way, but no one heard me and I was constantly under pressure until I started shouting.”
“Maybe sometimes I didn’t solve it in the best way, but I did it the way I knew how,” continues Erika. “There’s no manual for this. No one that says, ‘Oh, honey, let me walk you through this.’ So I was out there saying, ‘I have to prove myself and who I am and what I’m doing with this life.’ That’s really what it was all about. They just didn’t get it.”
“I’m no longer a cornered animal, and that’s something people don’t understand,” she adds. “When they attack you all day, every day, from every angle – and they are verbatim fighting for your financial life, your legal life, all those kinds of things – you can’t think of anything but, ‘Oh my God, how am I going to survive this?’ Once you rest and get some fresh air, you’ll be able to see more clearly.”
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Erika Jayne.
Ethan Miller/Getty
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The clarity was helpful for Erika, who notes that she hasn’t watched the last two seasons. “It was so painful,” she says. “I’ve been through it, and it’s almost like opening a healing wound and stabbing it. It’s not good.”
With space, Erika dived into therapy, which she says has helped her overcome the pain. “You’ll see me in therapy this season,” she says. “I have really good psychiatrists and it’s really changed the game for me. I think I’ve really learned to accept that certain things are built into the game of life or my the game of life. These things happen. If you can accept them, then you can prepare and move forward.”
But not everyone is open to the new Erika. “Look, November 3rd will be three years since I filed for divorce and I have to move on. But people also have to let me move on,” she shares. “As for me, I don’t want to be defined by divorce and accusations. I’ve fought so hard to be myself, to still have something for myself, to pick myself up and move forward. And that’s what I’ll always do. But I can’t to control whether people like it or not.”
“This season I have to connect more with my older friends and try to create new friendships,” says Erika. “However they take it, that’s up to them — and we’ll see how it ends for me when we watch. But at the end of the day, I just have to be happy with myself, and that’s what I’m working on.”
The singer — who had nine No. 1 hits Board‘s Dance Club Songs chart under her stage moniker, Erika Janye — has also turned to business, launching a wildly successful (and provocative) Vegas show called Bet It All on Blonde, which runs select weekends at the House of Blues inside Mandalay Bay until December 16.
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Erika Girardi. Matt Winkelmeyer/2021 MTV Movie and TV Awards/Getty/MTV/ViacomCBS Erika Girardi Has Strong Words About Divorce, Sees Vegas Sojourn as ‘Rebirth’ (Exclusive)
“It was amazing,” she tells PEOPLE from the residence. “I love it and I’m very grateful for the experience, I really am. It’s been a rebirth in many ways and an opportunity to present a newer version of myself as I really move into this next chapter.”
“You know, life has a great way of showing you things,” Erika reflects. “I never could have predicted the path I was on when I joined the show all those years ago. Good things, bad things – the universe, it’s a bit bizarre. But I’m here for the ride.”
The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills airs Wednesdays at 8:00 PM ET on Bravo.
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