FREDDIE Flintoff says his Top Gear debacle left him so on edge he had to leave social gatherings to cry.
The England Ashes legend, 46, has revealed for the first time the physical and emotional effects of the horrific car crash in 2022.
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Freddie returns to TV with his new series Field of Dreams On TourCredit: PA
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The star will open up about his second chance at life in a documentaryCredit: BBC
Freddie, who has had several facial operations, reveals in his new TV show that he sometimes finds himself “in situations that I’m never quite sure I can get through”.
The former cricketer, known for his larger-than-life personality, adds: “There will be times when I take my clothes off and you won’t see me for half an hour. I will go cry in my room and come back.”
However, Freddie says he feels lucky to have survived the accident, which turned him into a recluse who barely left the house for seven months.
The father-of-four is now continuing his TV career with BBC One’s Freddie Flintoff’s Field of Dreams On Tour — and is determined to make the most of his “second chance” at life.
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He says: “I really shouldn’t be here after what happened. It’s going to be a long way back, and I’ve only just begun.
“I have to look at the positive sides, I have one more chance, and I will go for it. I see that it is so – the second time.”
Freddie faces his fears in a heartbreaking scene in the documentary where his facial wounds are weeks old.
His many stitches are visible, he has a large bandage on his cheek, and when Freddie speaks, his famous Lancashire voice is distorted by his swollen lips and broken nose.
He adds in a broken voice: “I’m already struggling and I need help. I really do. I’m not the best at asking. I have to stop crying every two minutes.”
Later he adds: “Now I am who I am. I am different from what I was. It’s something I’ll have to deal with for the rest of my life. Better? Not. Otherwise.
Freddie Flintoff is preparing for a TV comeback after the collapse of Top Gear with a new series of Fields of Dreams
“Something happened that changed my life forever.”
Freddie had to be airlifted to hospital after the crash at Dunsfold Park Airport in Surrey while filming an episode of Top Gear with co-stars Paddy McGuinness and Chris Harris.
The three-wheeled roadster he was driving overturned, leaving him with significant facial lacerations, broken bones and damaged teeth.
In the four-parter, which starts next Tuesday, Freddie tells fellow cricketer Kyle Hogg he thinks he could recover within 12 weeks from the accident in December 2022.
But talking from his kitchen during his recovery, Freddie reveals that he is instead plagued by anxiety and suffers from nightmares and flashbacks.
I have nightmares, flashbacks – it was so hard to deal with.
Freddie Flintoff
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Freddie with former Top Gear co-host Paddy McGuinness Credit: Rex
He said: “I thought I could just shake it off. I wanted to just shake it off and say, ‘I’m fine,’ but that wasn’t the case. It was much harder than I thought. As much as I wanted to go out and do things I just couldn’t.
“You have to try to put it into perspective and I feel guilty that I can’t do that. I don’t want to sit here feeling sorry for myself. And I don’t want sympathy. Everywhere I go at the moment I have a full face mask and glasses – I can’t do it.
“I struggle with anxiety, you know I have nightmares, flashbacks, – it was so hard to deal with. But I’m thinking if I don’t do something, I’ll never leave. I have to get on with it.”
He also opens up about his anxiety over the resurrection of the Field of Dreams.
In the first series of 2022, before the accident, he tried to transform a bunch of non-cricketers into a team, with heart-warming results. The sequel now sees him taking the same group of guys to India, where the locals are fanatical about the sport.
The program features several covers of The Sun. They follow the aftermath of the accident, Freddie putting his TV career on hiatus, to the cancellation of Top Gear and receiving £9m compensation from the show’s creators, BBC Studios.
Freddie appeared to hint that he might not return to TV full-time as the show rekindled his passion for coaching and helped him regain his confidence.
Now I am who I am. Better? Not. Otherwise.
Freddie Flintoff
He said: “I learned a thing or two about coaching – you coach people, not players, which is something I’ll hopefully take with me in my career – whatever that leads to next. I guess I’ve found a confidence out there that has been a little shaky lately.
“I’ve always wanted to get back into coaching, and I probably shouldn’t say this, but I fell into, like, the TV trap, you know? I worked on TV and moved on, obviously. I would like to do more coaching, I don’t know in which entity or business, and I would also do some TV work. It was a nice shift.”
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Freddie filming during his first days on Top Gear with Paddy McGuinness and Chris Harris Credit: PA
The show shows Freddie delivering the good news that the boys are going to India, before his accident. Then she sees him meeting them while his wounds are still healing.
He said: “I’m a little nervous about it too, seeing them for the first time and being in front of them. It will be strange because I haven’t seen them in so long. I think I’m like that with everyone I meet these days.
“There’s always a little bit of trepidation, a little bit of anxiety and a little bit of nerves.”
However, he also uses it as motivation on the road to recovery.
He says: “I’m looking forward to seeing the boys and being with them, I’m really looking forward to it. I really am. This trip to India will be as important to me as it is to them now. I’m determined, I really want to go.
“This whole time I was in the hospital I was like, ‘It’s March,’ I was aiming for March. Then it was September, I’m aiming for it. It’s always been a little bit out of reach. I’m thinking about everything all the time. And I’m thinking about leaving, and how to be good….and then I rewind.
“I’m thinking, ‘I don’t leave the house, hardly.’ Then I have to get on that plane. I have to be gone for two and a half weeks, and I’ll be here for seven months and I’ll be gone for two and a half weeks.”
When Freddie finally sees the boys in Preston again, they all hug him and tell him how much he’s been missed.
One asks him if he feels 100 percent, and he replies: “Not really, I don’t know if I will again, to be honest. I’m better than I was…I don’t know what’s completely better.”
He later continues: “We’re going somewhere that’s amazing, and I’m trying to focus on the good things that are going to happen.
“As much as I’m standing there telling the guys how great it is, there’s a little bit of nervousness from my point of view.”
And the suspense is heightened when Freddie and the boys arrive in the magical chaos that is present-day Kolkata – a year later than originally planned.
He says: “It’s so weird because I feel like I’m fathering nine boys a minute. I feel a real responsibility, and there are also elements of nerves, a little.
“You know, I haven’t been away from home lately. I left behind four children and a wife, so my feelings are also mixed.”
We see him at another point admitting, “My anxiety in coming here was immense.”
But within days, Freddie seems to have forgotten some of the pain of the past two years – as he immersed himself in the sport that helped him regain his happiness and confidence.
After his wounds are mostly healed and his voice is back to normal, he smiles as he picks up his bat to play with his team against the more experienced locals.
Showing that his sense of humor is alive and well, Freddie says: “The danger with this trip is, with everything going on and the experience, we actually forget about the cricket – and we’re on a cricket tour. The tough part will be to match the opposition to our standards…I think we have to find the worst cricket team in Kolkata.”
Freddie Flintoff’s Field of Dreams on Tour is on BBC One and iPlayer from next Tuesday 13 August at 9pm.
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Freddie suffered from nightmares and flashbacks after the accidentCredit: BBC
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Freddie opens up about the emotional effects of the accident on the show Credit: BBCFreddie Flintoff quietly returns to TV business for first time since horror Top Gear accident
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