Gwyneth Paltrow Says Being a Stepmom Has Been One of Her ‘Biggest Learnings as a Human Being’

Gwyneth Paltrow and Nicole Avant get candid about parenting.

On Wednesday, PEOPLE were in attendance as the pair spoke at the Women’s Day International Summit of Visionary Women at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel.

During their conversation, the Goop founder, 51, asked the former United States ambassador to the Bahamas, 56, how she copes with being “a stepmom to two amazing human beings, Tony and Sarah.”

Nicole Avant and Gwyneth Paltrow; March 2024

Araya Doheny/Getty

Before Avant answered, Paltrow asked if there were any other stepmothers in the audience.

After a brief round of applause from the audience, the actress quipped: “Yeah, that’s a bitch, isn’t it, folks? No, I actually, really love talking about this because it’s one of my greatest learnings as a human being. And my personal area of ​​growth came from the initial difficult relationship I had with my stepchildren, and now they are like my children.”

Paltrow shares two children with ex-husband Chris Martin, as well as two stepchildren American Horror Story co-creator Brad Falchuk, whom she married in 2018.

Gwyneth Paltrow and Brad Falchuk.

Stephen Lovekin/Variety/Penske Media via Getty Images

Paltrow said that while she loves her extra babies, “the road to get here has been really hard.”

Dakota Johnson opens up about being stepmom to Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow’s teens: ‘Love Those Kids’

The actress said when it comes to raising stepchildren, “it’s almost like you have to embody the spirit of the sun and just give and not expect anything in return.”

She added: “I’ve just learned to try to just shine like the sun and never record a score.”

Avant is married to Ted Sarandos. The Netflix co-CEO has two children from a previous relationship, and Avant shared her parenting journey together.

“It was extremely difficult. Sarah was 14 and Tony was 12,” Avant said in response to having “half-grown children”.

Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.

“I kept having to find and own my identity over and over and over again. I kept feeling like my identity was being questioned every day and I wasn’t trying to be their mom, but suddenly I became the girl they loved and wanted their father to marry,” she said.

She added that it can be “heartbreaking” at times.

Avant recalled calling her late mother, Jacqueline Avant, for parenting advice when things got tough.

Nicole Avant and Gwyneth Paltrow; March 2024

Araya Doheny/Getty

“I remember calling my mom and she said, ‘The only advice I can give you is to better reclaim your power and better reclaim the energy of your home. Because if you don’t control the energy of your home, someone else will. And they’re young and they don’t know how to run a home, and it’s your home and you have to set boundaries.’”

Nicole admitted that she was sometimes heard saying, “I don’t like you even more.”

While things may have gotten off to a rocky start as she found a way to set boundaries with Sarah and Tony, Nicole assured the audience that after taking her mother’s advice, she’s “closer than ever.”

Clarence Avant, ‘The Godfather of Negro Entertainment’, Remembered as a ‘Visionary and Transcendent Spirit’

Nicole told PEOPLE before the event why she wanted Paltrow to be with her at the summit to talk about mothers and daughters.

“I wanted to have someone who was focused and honest and obviously a very dear friend to talk to me, especially on my mom’s birthday,” Nicole said.

Her mother would have been 84 years old on March 6.

Jacqueline died on December 1, 2021 after being shot in her Beverly Hills home during a robbery. She was 81 years old.

The Los Angeles philanthropist was married to prominent musician Clarence Avant, who was recently inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.

Nicole Avant with her father and friends.

Courtesy of Nicole Avant

Paltrow was one of the first friends to flock to Nicole’s side after the fatal home invasion.

“My dad always said, ‘I don’t have a problem. I have friends.’ And now I know what he meant when he said that because I lived it,” Nicole later told PEOPLE in 2023. “Because, without my friends who showed up without me having to ask them, I really don’t know if I would be sitting here like this as I am.”

Categories: Trends
Source: HIS Education