Henry Winkler Says Therapy Made Him ‘a More Present Husband’ After 45 Years of Marriage: ‘I Am Getting There’ (Exclusive)

For Henry Winkler, one big change in the last decade has made a big difference.

In his new memoir, Being Henry: The Fonz…and beyond (out Oct. 31), Winkler reveals her private struggles, from undiagnosed dyslexia in adulthood to the inability to form rich, authentic relationships.

“My identity was [tied] to my job because I had no other identity,” Winkler tells PEOPLE in this week’s issue.

It was only in the last decade that he found a therapist and made a breakthrough through that process.

IN Being HenryWinkler writes about a challenging childhood spent in New York with his German refugee parents, who did not understand his profound learning disability and often mocked his reading and comprehension problems.

As a young actor, Winkler would go on to use humor as a guide, earning a laugh at the Yale School of Drama and eventually impressing Hollywood executives by appearing on The Mary Tyler Moore Show. This would lead to his meteoric rise Happy daysbut even at the height of his fame as the show’s effortlessly cool greaser, Winkler felt untethered.

Ron Howard, left, and Henry Winkler on “Happy Days.”

ABC Photo Archives/Disney General Entertainment Content via Getty

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“People said, ‘Well, how cool are you? Because you’re the coolest guy on TV.” And intellectually I understood [that] being authentic means being cool. But I couldn’t live it. I had no identity,” says Winkler.

He adds: “I was, if you look up the word disconnected, emotionally disconnected, in any of the big dictionaries, you’ll see a picture of me. It’s not necessarily the Fonz, but you’ll see a picture of me.”

While at home between roles, Winkler writes about being lost and insecure, and says that when he was tested — including when his wife Stacey was diagnosed with cancer in the early 2000s — he felt left out of support. Winkler admits that he napped while she was undergoing chemotherapy and decided to keep the acting job that kept him away while she recovered.

“I wasn’t there,” he tells PEOPLE of those years. “I wasn’t whole.”

He started therapy seven years ago with “incredible” results. “That’s why I say that if I were to give a gift to my therapist, I would have to give her something as big as a skyscraper. Because the book is about me being what I thought I should be and being something I talked about but couldn’t live, which was authentic,” he says.

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His self-discovery would greatly enhance his work, including an Emmy-winning role on HBO Barry starring Gene Cousineau alongside Bill Hader. Ten years ago, Winkler says he couldn’t have made a washed-up, easily enraged acting coach “as full as Gene is,” he says.

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Today, he says, his glass overflows (“I don’t have enough buckets to pour into”), and at home with his wife for the past decade, Winkler adds, “I’m a more present husband.”

Henry Winkler at home in Los Angeles in September 2023.

Michelle Groskopf

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IN Being HenryStacey’s voice is included, appearing frequently to give her a shared perspective.

The couple, who have been married for 45 years and share three children and six grandchildren, love fishing for trout together (even though they always throw them back).

“I can’t admit it, but it’s true. Stacey is becoming a better fisherman than I am,” Winkler grins. “Her fish are always bigger than mine.”

For more on Henry Winkler, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday, or subscribe here.

Being Henry: The Fonz…and beyond The book will hit the shelves on October 31.

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Source: HIS Education