How to Say No When Someone Asks You For Money

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This article was co-authored by Jonathan DeYoe, CPWA®, AIF®, and wikiHow staff writer Devin McSween. Jonathan DeYoe is a financial advisor and CEO of Mindful Money, a comprehensive financial planning and retirement income planning service based in Berkeley, California. With over 25 years of experience in financial consulting, Jonathan is a speaker and author of the best-selling book “Mindful Money: Simple Practices for Reaching Your Financial Goals and Increasing Your Happiness Dividend.” Jonathan holds a BA in Philosophy and Religious Studies from Montana State University-Bozeman. He studied financial analysis at the CFA Institute and earned the Certified Private Wealth Advisor (CPWA®) designation from The Investments & Wealth Institute. He also earned an Authorized Investment Fiduciary (AIF®) credential from Fi360. Jonathan has been featured in the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, Money Tips, Mindful Magazine and Business Insider, among others. There are 7 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been fact-checked, ensuring the accuracy of all facts cited and confirming the authority of its sources.

When a family member, friend, or acquaintance asks you for money, it can be embarrassing or even rude to simply say, “No.” While no is an acceptable answer, coming up with a polite excuse is a diplomatic way to gently let your loved one down while minimizing hurt feelings and discomfort. In this article, we’ll share some good excuses you can give your friends and family for not lending them money. We also talked to several financial advisors and clinical therapists to learn how to say no and offer other ways to help your loved ones.

“I’m not in a position to lend you money right now.”
“I don’t want to hurt our relationship, so I’m not comfortable giving you money.”
»I can’t afford to lend you money. My budget is too tight right now.”

Financial advisor Jonathan DeYoe says you can “really risk a friendship” when you lend someone money and they end up not being able to pay you back. Not only is this apology a valid reason not to lend your friend or family member money, but it shows that you care about them, which can ease any disappointment or hurt feelings.
- “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you money. I’m afraid this would destroy our friendship, which I care too much about.”
- “I’m afraid that lending you money would hurt our relationship, so I have to say no.”
Making this excuse makes it clear to your friend, family member, or acquaintance that not borrowing money is simply your personal philosophy. This helps prevent them from taking your “no” personally, which limits any embarrassment or disappointment.[1]
- “I’m sorry, but it’s my personal rule not to lend money to friends or family. I hope you can understand that.”
- “Nothing personal, but I just don’t lend money to others. Thank you for your understanding.”
This excuse tells your friends and family that you’re not in a good financial position to lend them money, whether it’s true or simply because you don’t feel comfortable. There’s no need to be specific, as this pronunciation works best if left vague.[2]
- “Lending you money is not feasible for me right now.”
- “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you money right now.”
Sometimes honesty is the best policy. Just keep your response polite but firm, focusing your speech on yourself and keeping your body language open and relaxed.[3]
For example, don’t criticize the person or give your reasons why you are uncomfortable lending them money.
- “I’m uncomfortable lending money, so I’m sorry, but I have to say no.”
- “I’m really not comfortable lending money, I’m sorry.”
Your friends and family are more likely to understand that you can’t lend them some cash if you don’t have enough money right now. Since your needs are also important, they are less likely to question your decision or feel upset about it.[4]
- “I’m sorry, I’ve already spent my budget for this month. I can’t afford to borrow any more money right now.”
- “I’m sorry, things are tight right now. With my current budget I can’t afford to give you money.”
Unexpected emergencies occur in the home, such as a sudden increase in rent or an air conditioner malfunction. Your family and friends probably won’t fight if they know you’re dealing with an expensive housing issue. After all, your safety and comfort are also important.
- “I’m sorry, the bank just raised my mortgage payments. I have no money to lend you.”
- “Our air conditioning unit just broke and we need to replace it. I’m sorry, but I don’t have any extra money to give you.”
Most people have something they’re saving money for, whether it’s building an emergency fund, paying off a loan, or planning a big trip. If your friends or family know that you have more pressing priorities, they are more likely to understand and accept your “No.”[5]
- “My loans are piling up and I’m saving money to pay them off. So I’m sorry, but I can’t afford to lend you money.”
- “I’m sorry, but I don’t have any extra money to lend right now. I’m saving to make a down payment on a house I fell in love with.”
This excuse shows your friend or family member that you’d love to help, but you’re already lending your extra money to another person. For example, you may have spotted money from a relative, donated to a local cause or sponsored by a charity.
- “I just promised to lend my brother some cash, so I’m sorry, but I can’t afford to lend you money either.”
- “I’m sorry, I just donated money to a local animal shelter. And I don’t have room in my budget to lend you money.”
If you’re financially savvy, you might be investing your money in stocks or building up your savings accounts. There are often rules or fees for withdrawing money, making this a good excuse for not being able to lend cash to friends or family.
- “I’m sorry, all my excess money is invested in stocks. I don’t have any money to lend you right now.”
- “I’ve put all my money into my retirement account, so unfortunately I can’t give you any money right now.”
At the end of the day, you don’t need an excuse not to give someone money – a polite but firm “No” is enough. While it can’t be hard to say or feel rude, especially when a friend or family member is in trouble, it’s important to remember that you don’t have to justify what you do with your money.[6]
- If you’re not used to saying no to people, it might make you feel upset or guilty. Clinical psychologist Dr. Sirvart Mesrobian encourages you to remember that “your emotions and self-care are not something you should apologize for.” She says, “Other people’s struggles with accepting non-answers are also not something you are responsible for.”

Keep your “No” short, sweet and simple by using firm but polite language.[7]
Clinical psychologist Dr. Asa Don Brown says, “Always respect others when expressing your wishes.” He recommends using a “calm and calm voice” when you say “No” to a friend or family member who is asking for money.
- For example, you can say, “I’m sorry, but I can’t lend you money.”
When you say no to someone, clinical therapist Rebecca Tenzer says, “Think about the why behind your feelings.” She recommends that you “use ‘I statements’ with an emotion attached” to explain yourself.
- For example, you could say, “I don’t feel comfortable doing this because I feel like it could hurt our relationship.”
- Tenzer says that using “I” language allows a person to “validate and empathize with your feelings” without feeling criticized or defensive. It also helps you “feel empowered”.
If a friend or family member asks you for money, they may be in a difficult situation and feel very vulnerable. While you shouldn’t feel guilty about saying “No”, it’s still important to be empathetic and understanding of their situation. Complement your “No” with an offer to help them in another way, if you can.[8]
- For example, you can say, “I’m sorry, I understand that this is a difficult time for you and I want to be there for you. While I can’t lend you money, I can work with you to create a budget to help you manage your finances.”
- We’ve compiled a list of useful alternatives to giving money to your friend or family member in the section below.
Tenzer says, “It can be very helpful to think before you act, which means you don’t react to things immediately or in a pinch.” If you feel uncomfortable or pressured to answer someone about giving money, she recommends “let it[ing] think about it.” This gives you time to “create a plan for moving forward” and come up with a polite but firm response.
- For example, you might say, “Let me think about that before I give you my answer.”
If your friend or family member won’t take your “No” for an answer, stand your ground. Tell them politely but firmly that you can’t give them the money and that you won’t change your mind.[9]
- For example, you could say, “As I said before, I can’t afford to lend you money right now. Please understand that I am not changing my mind about this.”
Setting boundaries helps maintain healthy relationships and improves your well-being.[10]
dr. Brown suggests that you define your limits on borrowing money with an “I-statement.” He says this helps you “refrain from using language that is accusatory” and that “suggests that they are to blame for the boundary” even if “You set the boundary because of someone else.”
- Once you set a boundary, Brown recommends giving the person time to “process and digest the request.” He says, “Remind the individual that you care deeply about them and that this is not a reflection of their worth. Let the person know that it’s important and that you wouldn’t ask for it otherwise.”
- For example, you could say, “I’m not comfortable lending money to anyone, and I don’t appreciate you trying to guilt me into doing something I’m not comfortable with. Please understand that I care about you and that this is not personal. I will be happy to help you in other ways, if you ask.”

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