PREMIER League star Michail Antonio has revealed he is in therapy after he started hating football.
The £85,000-a-week West Ham and Jamaica striker, 34, said he even prayed he would get injured so he wouldn’t have to play.
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I hated football so much that I prayed to get injured, Michail Antonio revealedCredit: Getty
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West Ham’s then-captain Declan Rice lifted the trophy last June Credit: Getty
Antonio, who reveals how personal trauma caused his mental pain, said: “I just started to like the game. I started therapy because I was really struggling.”
The West Ham star says mental problems prevented him from celebrating the club’s epic European win with his team-mates last year – and slept instead.
In a brutally honest interview, the star says he even hoped the injury would prevent him from playing.
He believes that his problems partly stem from being betrayed by his school friends and his divorce from his wife.
Antonio — who was called up to England before deciding to play for Jamaica — says he expects to see his therapist for another two years because it has changed his life.
The London-born star — known for her happy-go-lucky public appearance — opened up about her mental turmoil in a very candid interview with TV presenter Jake Humphrey and writer Damian Hughes.
He said everyone associated with West Ham enjoyed wild celebrations last June after they won the European Conference League final – their first major trophy in more than 40 years.
But Antonio — the club’s all-time top goalscorer for the Prem — was so exhausted by events off the pitch that he fell asleep on the coach on the way back from the Prague stadium and then went to bed in his hotel room.
He recalled, “I was going through a divorce and stuff, and I honestly couldn’t figure it out. After we won, the whole team went out, the gaffer came out, caught fire, a couple of guys didn’t sleep for two days, they just got drunk for two days — I slept on the bus and went back to the hotel.
“I was mentally drained because of everything that was going on outside of my football and then I went back to the hotel and went to sleep while everyone was out partying.”
Michail Antonio slept during West Ham’s celebrations after their Europa Conference League triumph
It was six months before he began to appreciate the magnitude of the Hammers’ brilliant 2-1 win over Fiorentina. He said: “It wasn’t until probably December that I was in a better place where I said ‘Oh my God, I’ve won the European Championship’.”
In an interview that can be heard on today’s High Performance podcast, Antonio said it dawned on him that he had lost interest in football during a game in December 2022, when his form began to slip.
He said: “I think we even won the game but I didn’t have my best game.
“And I was like to myself, ‘I don’t enjoy football.’ During the game, I said, ‘I’m really not enjoying this.’
“I was just feeling pretty negative. I am a very positive person myself.
“I didn’t score from December until I think it was March, April. And I just felt like exhausted. And then I went with Jamaica because I enjoyed playing football with Jamaica for some strange reason. But I was actually praying for an injury.
It’s all these things that go through your head. You think, ‘Is this the end for me? Is this my football career over?
“I thought, ‘I just want to get hurt, I want time off’.
“And then I went with Jamaica and I did my medial (knee ligament, in November 2023).
“I thought to myself, ‘I’m 33 years old. I can’t afford to perform like this, otherwise I won’t get another contract’.
“So it’s all these things that go through your head. You think, ‘Is this the end for me? Is this my football career over?’”
He said his football problem primarily comes down to taking such short breaks from the game he’s been involved in for 16 years – and the constant monitoring.
And his troubles worsened with the separation from his wife Debbie Whittle (34), whom he married in 2017.
He said: “I’ve just started to like the game. But since football is just a constant, you are always in it. As soon as your life depends on it, as soon as you have people constantly beating and criticizing you, it becomes work.
“So it doesn’t matter how good it is, it doesn’t matter how much you love the game, it becomes a real job for you.”
Antonio said he sought help around Christmas 2022 – seeing several therapists before finding one he liked.
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The West Ham star says he was unable to celebrate the club’s epic European win last year due to mental problems
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Striker with Conference League trophy Credit: Richard Pelham / The Sun
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Antonio said it dawned on him that he had lost interest in football during a game in December 2022. Credit: instagram/Michail Antonio
He spoke to club doctors and physios, while West Ham and the PFA also had specialist advisers available. But he wanted someone independent and so he started paying for his own.
The father of four said: “I started therapy because I was struggling a lot. And as I grew up, there was never anything. I thought therapy was for crazy people. But therapy changed my life. It was awkward at first, I won’t lie. You were sitting in a room, someone was there and asked: “How are you?”
The Courage of Michael Antonius
Author: Jack Rosser
MICHAIL ANTONIO has always been known as West Ham’s joker in the dressing room, so it’s incredibly shocking to hear him talk about such terrible mental trauma.
The 34-year-old is a real man for a laugh or a great quote at West Ham.
That the life and soul of the team was unable to celebrate the crowning glory of his career – winning the Europa League Conference League title in Prague last June – with his teammates shows just how bad things have become.
The most shocking thing to read is that the attacker “prayed” for the injury, considering that it has too often ruined his career.
Considering all this and the fact that Antonio has always been in the macho world of men’s football, it is so brave to reveal and speak about it.
Football often shied away from opening up and talking about personal problems.
Players have traditionally been told to drop things and move on – leaving egos and problems at the door.
Things are changing but for many it is not fast enough so Antonio should be applauded and supported – as he will be at West Ham – for speaking out.
“And your natural response is ‘Good.’ Well, he’s like, ‘So why are you here?’ I said, ‘To be honest, like, football, I’m struggling with football, I’ve split up with my lady’.”
Antonio, who joined West Ham for £7m from Nottingham Forest in 2015, continued: “My football has always been my escape from everything that has happened in my life. My dad died and stuff like that, I went to football and I could black it out for the two hours I was there or the four hours I was there.
PROFESSIONAL HELP
“But then my life turned a bit upside down because obviously I’m separating from my lady, my wife, and also, I’m not playing on the court and things just aren’t going well for me.
“And then I’m the kind of person I would never cry with. And while I was talking to him, I just burst into tears. It was uncontrollable. That brought me some sort of relief. And then it was as if my chest was cleared.”
He started weekly sessions, which will continue for another two years. But his therapist wants him to cope with time without them.
Antonio said: “It’s crazy that I’ve always been portrayed as a very confident person, and what they’ve taught me is that I’m basically always setting goals, always looking for missions because I always need something to get done. I can’t relax inside myself.
“Because growing up there were a lot of traumas that I had to deal with. So I avoid sitting inside myself. And that’s one thing I learned through therapy because it was true.”
He said he “never could just sit at home”, which “said something about my confidence”. He continued: “I’m looking for something. And just hearing that irritated me. I was in tears again.”
When I was 14, I thought these people were my friends, these guys ended up stealing the bike. They grouped together and said I did it.
Interviewer Jake said, “That’s hard to hear though, isn’t it?”
Antonio replied: “A little. I always believed that I was the luckiest person alive.”
Through therapy, he learned that his difficult upbringing in South London left him psychologically scarred. He said: “There were certain things that happened in my childhood.
“Let’s just say that I struggled to make friends when I was in elementary school. There was no one who was, I would say, my best friend until I was 12 years old, and then that person somehow left.
“When I was 14, I thought these people were my friends, these guys ended up stealing the bike. People are caught with bicycles.
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Antonio said he sought help around Christmas 2022 – seeing several therapists before finding one he liked Credit: Getty
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He learned through therapy that his difficult upbringing in south London left him mentally scarredCredit: Premier League
“They grouped together and said ‘Michail did it’. I’ve been friends with them for three years, I go to school with them every day, so that’s why I started to distrust people.”
Antonio told Jake and Damian that he would never have been able to open up to them before therapy.
With his mind in a much better place, he said he feels he has three years left to play and is happy at West Ham, who will soon have a new manager.
- LISTEN to the full interview on the High Performance podcast on all major platforms starting today.
You are not alone
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide
It does not discriminate, it touches the lives of people in all corners of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and football players.
It is the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, deadlier than cancer and traffic accidents.
And men are three times more likely to take their own lives than women.
Yet it’s rarely talked about, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage if we don’t all stop and pay attention now.
That’s why The Sun launched the You Are Not Alone campaign.
The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all help save lives.
Let’s all pledge to ask for help when we need it, and listen to others… You are not alone.
If you or anyone you know needs help with mental health issues, the following organizations offer support:
Categories: Optical Illusion
Source: HIS Education