DEAR DEIDRE: MY 50-year-old best friend finally admitted that she slept with my husband the night my daughter was born, 40 years ago.
I remember that day so clearly — the birth of my first child.
My husband and I were newly married and delighted with each other and our newborn.
When he left the hospital after giving birth, he told me that he wished he could spend the night, but dad’s rules were that he could not spend the night.
He kissed us both goodnight and promised to be right back in the morning.
He then went to our local pub to wet the baby’s head and obviously had more than a little fun with his friends.
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On his way home, tired, he thought it would be a good idea to call my best friend and tell her our news.
My friend admitted that she was feeling lonely and a little jealous that night, so she invited him inside.
They had a few more drinks to celebrate and then things started to come to fruition.
Now she says that it was “just drunken sex”, nothing more, and that she immediately regretted it.
He insists it only happened once, 40 years ago.
I feel devastated. I wish she had never told me.
But she says that she should have admitted all this because she was diagnosed with cancer and did not want to take any secrets to the grave.
My best friend and I are 69 years old, and my husband is 71 years old.
She has since married and we both have many grandchildren between us.
I haven’t confronted my husband yet, but her story makes sense.
I remember that soon after my daughter was born, there was a strange atmosphere whenever the two of them were in the same room. That awkwardness lasted for years.
I love my husband and my friend, but at this point I don’t think I’ll ever be able to trust either of them again.
DEIDRE SAYS: I’m afraid your friend’s decision to tell you was for her own good and no one else’s – she wanted to assuage her own guilt.
She probably panicked about her recent diagnosis.
But as painful as this news is, you have good reason to believe it was a one-off.
So balance that with the 40 or so happy years you’ve had with your husband.
The only way to get over this pain is to talk to him. Tell him how hurt you feel and listen carefully to his response.
Ask him to go to a relationship counselor with you, to see if there’s a future for your marriage—and even if he doesn’t want to go, you’d still benefit from seeing a therapist yourself.
Tavistockrelationships.org offers reputable advisors.
Categories: Optical Illusion
Source: HIS Education