Lil Nas X’s Complicated Family Dynamics and More Revelations from His ‘Long Live Montero’ HBO Documentary

Lil Nas X lets fans into his world.

The musician’s new HBO documentary Lil Nas X: Long live Montero was released on Saturday, and the film offers a quick look at his first concert tour, as well as insights into his upbringing, family dynamics, views on religion and more.

Co-directed by Carlos López Estrada and Zac Manuel, the documentary features interviews with Lil Nas X, 24, as well as footage from family members including his father, stepmother and brothers, who all talk about watching the performer (born Montero Hill) go from a toddler to a huge superstar .

Below, we bring five big discoveries from HBO Lil Nas X: Long live Montero.

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‘Lil Nas X: Long Live Montero’ poster.

Courtesy of HBO

Lil Nas X wanted to be a surgeon before he started making music in college

Reflecting on his pre-fame ambitions, Lil Nas X revealed that he considered going into healthcare before he got into music. “When I was a kid, I said, ‘I want to be a surgeon.’ I wanted to be a cardiovascular surgeon because my grandmother and many family members had heart problems,” he said in the film.

However, when he started attending college, his thoughts changed. “I was, like, immediately bored, I made a song for fun and immediately put it on Twitter,” the Grammy winner recalled. “I told my parents, ‘Oh yeah, I’ll just take a semester off.'”

In the same year, Lil Nas Xu’s grandmother died, which led him further into music. “I’ve never had anyone close to me pass, and my grandmother passed. Then I started having severe anxiety attacks and s— and then I found music,” he explained. “I feel like music has been a great escape from that as well. I felt a fucking spiritual presence over me, that [said], ‘OK, this wasn’t a mistake. This is what I should be doing in life.”

‘Lil Nas X: Long Live Montero’.

Courtesy of HBO

He welcomed spirituality into his life despite accusations that he was a Satanist

Following the release of the music video for Lil Nas X’s 2021 hit single “MONTERO (Call Me by Your Name),” in which he descends into hell and lap dances with the devil, the artist has been accused of being a Satanist — but that’s far from the truth.

“Around 2019, I became a lot more spiritual and I started to trust what I would see as spiritual signs and guides and what not, and I feel like getting out of sight was very important if I wanted to keep moving forward,” Lil Nas X said in the documentary.

According to the star, music further helped him find his way back to faith in a higher power. “When I turned 16 or something, at first I kind of left religion completely and I was like, ‘Oh my God. I don’t believe in this. None of this is real,’ he recalled. “But when I started making music, I can’t explain it, but I felt a presence bigger than myself, and I said, ‘I know for sure this is going to work.'”

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Lil Nas X.

Courtesy of HBO

He didn’t know that “Old Town Road” was sampled by Nine Inch Nails’ “34 Ghosts IV” before the hit was recorded

The beat for Lil Nas X’s breakthrough hit “Old Town Road” had already been crafted by producer YoungMio before it reached his ears. Little did he know that the Southern hip-hop instrumental — which he bought online for $30 — contained a sample of Nine Inch Nails’ 2008 song “34 Ghosts IV.”

“At first I didn’t even know it was a pattern, so when I realized it was a pattern, I was like, ‘Oh my fucking God, I’ve failed.’ Luckily, Nine Inch Nails didn’t know the song blew up yet, but they probably would have taken 99%,” said Lil Nas X, who later got Nine Inch Nails’ Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross to clear the sample.

Despite not being aware that the instrumental “Old Town Road” was sampled by the band, he clearly connected with the sound. “I think the moment I heard the loop, the original instrumental of that song, that feeling that I always talk about, it was on an astronomical level,” explained Lil Nas X. “I guess that’s why I’m so spiritual right now — you can’t mistake the feeling that… When I heard it, I got a feeling, and it’s just a loop and drums. I just say, ‘Oh my God, this is going to be great.'”

Lil Nas X.

Courtesy of HBO

He had mixed feelings about anti-LGBTQ+ protesters outside his concerts

On the Boston date of Lil Nas X’s Long Live Montero tour, a group of anti-LGBTQ+ protesters stood outside the venue and preached against the musician’s art and sexuality. He and fans alike mocked the protesters at the time both live and online, but privately he tried to understand them.

“I think it’s really great when people have a sense of belonging or feel like they’re part of something bigger, and I feel like that’s what these people feel doing,” he explained in the film. “So part of me is like, ‘Oh, I wish they didn’t hate this,’ but another part of me is like, ‘Oh, that’s kind of dope. These people have their own group where they feel like they are doing something to change the world. It’s really nice for them, you know?”

However, in the end, Lil Nas X disagreed with their messages. “I guess I actually paid attention to one of the videos. “I thought, ‘Oh, it’s a bit fucked up what they were saying,'” he said. “It was like, ‘See what he did? He comes out with a kid-friendly song and then he goes and gets super sexual and tries to convert’ — I don’t know, and I was like, ‘That’s not what happened.'”

Lil Nas X.

Courtesy of HBO

His family dynamics are complicated to this day

Lil Nas X’s brothers Lamarco Hill, Tramon Hill and Robert Sleepy, as well as his father Robert Stafford and stepmother Mia Stafford appear in the documentary, hanging out with the musician during his tour. But his thoughts on their relationship are complex.

“My brothers, I feel like our relationship is super strong and now I can do almost anything around them,” he said at one point in the film.

Lamarco offered more insight into how their relationship developed. “We used to have a love-hate relationship, but as we grew up, we started to like each other more, and then boom – he got rich. Here you go – he said.

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Lil Nas X is close with his stepmom, though it’s hard for him to be completely himself with her. “It’s still very weird for me to be flashy or closer to myself that I show most people around her,” he admitted.

Since his career has taken off, he also feels that they are not always themselves around him. “I’ve seen my family be a lot more accepting of who I am and people like me, and I think that’s super stupid and beautiful,” said Lil Nas X. “But I don’t know. I feel like there are a lot of things that people would like to say, but they don’t. They don’t want to lose me as a person’s worth, you know?”

Lil Nas X.

Courtesy of HBO

He also talked about how such pressures inspired the song “Dead Right Now” from his debut album, Montero. “This song, I guess, is mostly a response to a lot of families,” he explained. “When somebody who gets famous and rich and whatnot, everybody wants to hit them, and basically if you don’t call them and talk to them and answer all their needs, then to them it’s like, ‘You’re fake . You are a horrible person. You went to Hollywood. You’re selfish.’”

Robert was the first person Lil Nas X discussed his gay identity with, and his father initially doubted his son’s sexuality. “It was kind of awkward, and you know, he said, ‘Maybe the devil is tempting you’ and whatnot, which I kind of understood,” he said of his father, noting that his foreign family is “more conservative.” “I mean, you have to think about it, your son becomes rich and famous, and suddenly he’s gay. It just sounds like everything the YouTube stuff warns you about.”

Lil Nas X’s brother says the singer helped him come out as bisexual and ‘opened doors for a lot of people’

Later in the film, the “Industry Baby” singer becomes vulnerable about his feelings about his comfort level in the company of his father and stepmother. “I love my mom and dad to death, but I feel disconnected [from] them. Even when I first came out, I still never talked about boys and stuff in front of my family, or anything about the experience at all. It was like the elephant in the room,” he said.

Looking to the past as well as the present, Lil Nas X also expressed gratitude for his parents’ growth. “I feel like even now, I guess, it’s still kind of hard to be open when I’m dating someone or something. My dad actually talked to me about it. He said, ‘You know you can let me know what’s going on over there,’ and stuff like that, so that was really great, but it’s still a struggle to get it out there,” he said. “But we are getting closer.”

Not only has Lil Nas X’s unashamed acceptance of his gay identity in his music inspired many fans, but it has also helped his brother Tramon come to terms with his own identity. “My brother really opens doors for a lot of people. Yes, he opened the door for me,” said Tramon in the film. “What I mean by that is like I’m not gay. Do you feel me? I am bisexual. He helped me to be honest with myself. My brother made me more open to it, you feel what I’m saying?

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Source: HIS Education