“For me, the nomination was really powerful,” the ‘Law & Order: SVU’ star said.
Mariska Hargitay says the process of going public with her story contributed to her healing process.
The Law and order: SVU star wrote a powerful and honest first-person essay for the cover of PEOPLE earlier this month, revealing for the first time that a man raped her when she was in her 30s.
And on Thursday, Hargitay, 59, sat down with Savannah Guthrie and Hoda Kotb on Today in which she explained the relief she felt after sharing her writing.
“I think it’s a matter of physics, isn’t it?” she said. “If we hold a weight, it’s very heavy. But if it’s sand and we all hold a piece of it and carry it for each other in our society, it’s not so heavy. For me, the naming was really powerful, and I feel lighter. And it was time not to wear it.”
Mariska Hargitay shares her experience in her own words: Rape. Calculation. Renewal (exclusive)
In the essay, Hargitay did not name her attacker, but said the man who raped her was someone she considered a friend.
“It wasn’t sexual at all. It was dominance and control. Overpowering control,” Hargitay wrote. “I tried every way to get out of it. I tried to joke, to be charming, to set a boundary, to reason, to say no. He grabbed my arms and held me down. I was terrified. I didn’t want it to escalate into violence. Now I know that it was already sexual violence, but I was afraid he would become physically violent. I went into freeze mode, a common response to trauma when there is no escape option. I checked out of my body.”
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Unable to process what she went through, Hargitay said she “cut it out” and “removed it from my narrative.”
But decades later, she stands by her truth. “Now I have so much empathy for the part of me that made that choice because that part got me through everything,” she said. “It never happened. Now I respect that part: I did what I had to do to survive.”
Although “that experience was horrible” and “a painful part of my story,” Hargitay stressed in her essay that it “doesn’t even come close to defining me.”
Mariska Hargitay on ‘Law and Order: SVU’. Virginia Sherwood/NBC
Already 25 years later Law and order: SVU, Hargitay played Olivia Benson, a police detective (now captain) who strives to bring justice to survivors of sexual violence. Off camera, the advocate built her Joyful Heart Foundation to “help heal survivors of abuse and sexual violence.”
Mariska Hargitay celebrates 25 years Law and order: SVU and turns 60: ‘This powerful woman appeared’ (exclusive)
On Today, said she felt it was important to name what happened to her in her essay. It’s advice given to her by “one of my best friends in the world”, Regina.
“She would just grab me and say, ‘Mariska, list everything. List it,'” Hargitay recalled. “And when she first said it, I wasn’t even sure I fully understood it. But there are times in our lives when people give us these gifts of wisdom. And then we gobble them up, don’t we? The penny drops. And it was so we it is important that I write that article, precisely for that reason — to name him.”
“But also, I said, ‘A man raped me. I was not raped. A man raped me,‘,” Hargitay emphasized. “There’s a big difference.”
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She went on to say that she was finally ready to talk about what happened because she trusted her inner voice – something she suggests others do.
“It took a certain maturity and compassion,” she said. “And they listened to me and, most importantly, I listened to myself. And that’s what I urge people to do is to respect and listen – really listen – to that little inner voice that we all carry. And it will guide you.”
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or go to rainn.org.
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Source: HIS Education