Mark Harmon Recalls the ‘Cold Call’ That Led to His 36-Year Marriage to Pam Dawber (Exclusive)

When it came to inviting his wife Pam Dawber for the first time, Mark Harmon didn’t hesitate.

Former NCIS star tells PEOPLE that a cold call led to their first date — 37 years ago.

A mutual friend wanted to hook him up with Mork & Mindy star via group date, the author recalled to PEOPLE while discussing his new historical nonfiction book, Ghosts of Honolulu: A Japanese Spy, a Japanese-American Spy Hunter, and the Untold Story of Pearl Harboris released on November 14.

But Harmon, 72, preferred a more direct approach. “I said, ‘Can I just call? Can I get a number and just call?’ And so I did. I got a number, I called and got an answering machine. And I started leaving a message that said, ‘We don’t (all) have to go out. We could have a cup of coffee or something.’ And then she watched and picked it up. We went out that night and have been together ever since.”

The two married a year later “to the day,” he says.

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Mark Harmon and Pam Dawber in 2002.

Ron Galella/WireImage

That fateful first date happened shortly after Harmon was named PEOPLE’s Sexiest Man Alive in 1986. In that cover story interview, Harmon told PEOPLE that while he’s not looking for a relationship, he’s committed to a marriage that lasts.

“I’m really monogamous by nature and I’m fine being single like I am now,” Harmon said at the time. “When I get married, I want her to be everything this town says she can’t be. I don’t like to talk.”

Today, the couple has two children in their thirties, sons Sean, an actor (who appeared on NCIS), and Ty, screenwriter. “I’m proud of our guys,” Harmon says. “They understand the work ethic and are very different.”

What is the secret of his and Dawber’s longevity?

“I have no secrets,” Harmon says. “We laugh. You have to laugh, you have to talk and interact. That’s the fun part. Do we sit and talk about it? No. Maybe you just get lucky and find the right one. We share a lot of things and yet we’re really different.”

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Mark Harmon and Pam Dawber in 2013. Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Family time was a big factor in his initial decision to play Special Agent Gibbs NCISwhich ultimately became a 19-season series starring Hamon.

“It was important to be able to make pancakes on a Saturday morning,” says Harmon, who would go on to share scenes with Dawber on NCIS during her storyline as reporter Marcie Warren.

“And there were times when that meant not sleeping. You just got home, took a shower and went back downstairs. And yet I look back on it and I don’t miss sleep. I still missed things, I was working, but I was part of it [my sons’] lives. I could have spent more time with them. In many ways, we had a great opportunity to grow as a family.”

Gratitude, Harmon says, remains a constant in his life. “I’m so happy,” he says. “I never wake up without thinking that.”

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Harmon’s book, co-authored by retired real-life NCIS Special Agent Leon Carroll Jr. Ghosts of Honolulu: A Japanese Spy, a Japanese-American Spy Hunter, and the Untold Story of Pearl Harbor it is available on November 14 wherever books are sold.

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Source: HIS Education