Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue's Marriage: All About Their Decades-Long Relationship

Actress and activist Marlo Thomas married TV host Phil Donahue in 1980.

The couple first met in 1977 when she was a guest on his talk show, and married just a few years later. They were together for more than 40 years before his death on August 18 at the age of 88 after a long illness. Donahue’s family confirmed in a statement he received TODAY that he died in his home surrounded by his family, including Thomas.

About 40 years after they said “I do,” the couple was prompted to reflect on their marriage and began talking to other couples about everything that goes into a successful relationship.

In 2020, they published their first joint project, a book called What Makes a Marriage Last: 40 Celebrity Couples Share Their Secrets to a Happy Life. They also co-hosted a podcast called Double date with Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahuewhere they talked to couples about their keys to lasting marital happiness.

“If there is any common theme for [interviews] we had, you have to want have a long marriage,” Donahue said AARP magazine in 2020

When the couple celebrated 43 years of marriage in 2023, Thomas told PEOPLE about the “three L’s” they followed throughout their romance: “Love, listening and lust.”

“It’s three L’s,” she explained. “You have to listen and then you will know what the other person is really thinking and what they are going through. You have to love each other. And without lust, you have nothing.”

In July 2024, Thomas told PEOPLE that she and Donahue were looking forward to a “slower pace” of life after their particularly busy schedules.

“So we’re determined to get back to a slower pace, which means curling up on the couch in front of the TV with a big bowl of popcorn. I like to call it ‘Netflix and Phil,'” she said.

Here’s everything you need to know about Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue’s long-term marriage.

They met in 1977 when she was a guest on Donahue’s show

Phil Donahue and Marlo Thomas circa 1979 in New York. Sonia Moskowitz/PICTURES/Getty

The couple first met in the late 1970s when Thomas appeared as a guest on Donahue’s talk show of the same name. It was clear from the beginning that they had chemistry.

Near the end of the interview, Donahue grabbed Thomas’ hand and said, “You’re really fascinating.” She responded by saying, “You’re wonderful! I said this when we were off the show, but I want to say that you’re loving and generous, and you love women, and that’s a pleasure! Whoever the woman is in your life is very lucky .”

In the interview for 2021 The Drew Barrymore ShowThomas shared, “We just clicked…I just loved his confidence.”

They had a long distance relationship early on

Phil Donahue and Marlo Thomas pose for a photo at Gloria Steinem’s 50th birthday party on May 23, 1984 in New York City. Yvonne Hemsey/Getty

Although they had an immediate relationship, they lived on the other side of the country. During their courtship, Thomas lived in Los Angeles, while Donahue lived in Winnetka, Ill. As they got closer to marriage, they had to decide where they would live together.

“Phil said to me, ‘I can’t live in LA. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life interviewing John Wayne. I can live in New York or Washington,'” Thomas said The New York Times 2023 “And I told him, ‘Well, I can live in New York or LA.’ So it was New York.”

Thomas initially had some doubts about marriage

Phil Donahue and Marlo Thomas at the after party for “Gloria: A Life” on October 18, 2018 at the Gramercy Park Hotel in New York City. Walter McBride/Getty

Speaking to PEOPLE in 1977, Thomas shared that while she was happy in her new relationship with Donahue, she was overcoming some old reservations she had about marriage.

I was always afraid of marriage, she said. “I thought that I would have to become a different person, that I wouldn’t be able to be me, that I would somehow be living a lie. My impression was that you have this jailer that you have to please.”

Later, she considered the idea “crazy”, seeing that it was possible to have both a career and a marriage. Thomas told PEOPLE that she might be open to marrying Donahue if it could be a union of “two whole people, not one and a half people.”

They got married in 1980

Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue circa 1980 in New York. Images Press/IMAGES/Getty

The couple married on May 21, 1980. It was Thomas’ first marriage and Donahue’s second.

Thomas opted for a simple off-the-shoulder white dress and white satin shoes. Donahue wore a black suit and striped tie.

Donahue had five children with his first wife

Phil Donahue and Marlo Thomas with their children. Instagram Marlo Thomas

Donahue was first married to his college sweetheart, Margaret Cooney, for 17 years and had five children with her, according to The Washington Post. When Thomas and Donahue got married, the actress became a stepfather overnight.

In 2011, Thomas told AARP magazine she casually approached her stepmother.

“I decided from day one that I wasn’t going to try to be a ‘mother’ to Phil’s kids in the traditional sense — they already had a mom — but instead I was going to be their friend,” she said. “I’m proud to say that the friendships I made with them are as strong today as they were 30 years ago—even stronger.”

Thomas threw Donahue a surprise party for his 50th birthday

Phil Donahue and Marlo Thomas at The National Arts Club on October 5, 2019 in New York City. Sean Zanni/Getty

For Donahue’s 50th birthday in 1986, Thomas threw a surprise yacht party on the Hudson River. PEOPLE reported that Thomas sang a funny song for her husband, which included the lines, “He’s just my Phil, with 20 pounds of hair” and “Irish piece, so full of guts.”

The couple and their 150 guests enjoyed salmon, veal and tortellini and danced to the Denny La Rue Band. Thomas told PEOPLE, “He’s a pretty good sport when he turns 50.”

They said that communication is the secret of their marriage

Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue at the Emmy Awards, September 8, 1996 in Pasadena, California. Bob Riha, Jr./Getty

In the last few years of their lives, Thomas and Donahue spent a lot of time talking to celebrity couples about their marriages while writing and promoting their book, What Makes a Marriage Last: 40 Celebrity Couples Share Their Secrets to a Happy Life. They also thought about their own relationship.

2020 Thomas said in a YouTube video for AARP“You learn over the years that it’s not that big of a deal, and that this isn’t going to break us up no matter what, so you get used to saying, ‘Okay, let’s just talk about it.’ ”

“The secret to good communication? Screaming helps,” Donahue joked. “Then at least you know if the person you’re screaming at is listening. Then go to the other room and count to 10.”

He also said, “A little humor in a marriage can certainly help.”

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Source: HIS Education