Michael Richards gets candid about his life in his memoir In and out, comes out on June 4, and it doesn’t minimize the trauma — including the discovery that he was lied to throughout his childhood about who his father was.
The Seinfeld the star’s mother claimed that his father died in the war, but as he grew up, he realized that the calculation did not add up. Then she told him that he had died in a car accident.
Eventually, after trying to track down the man he thought might be his father, he pressured her to tell the truth, and she admitted that his conception was the result of her sexual assault.
Richards’ mother wanted an abortion, but they were illegal, so she gave him up for adoption at first. Later, however, she changed her mind and raised him as a single mother. The last name Richards was made up, and the actor, now 75, was devastated.
SeinfeldMichael Richards Says Racist Laughter Factory Made Him Face His Insecurities: ‘Pity Was Inside Me’ (Exclusive)
Richards says that the truth had a profound effect on him and that he had felt unworthy of love all his life. He also says that he hid his anger for a long time.
“I had to come to terms with knowing that I was unwanted or that my mother wanted to get rid of me,” he says.
“It’s definitely something I’ve had to explore over the years to discover how my anger stems from feeling inferior. I have a temper, and it comes from that unwantedness, that I’m not acceptable, that I’m not understood, that I’m not good enough to be loved or even loved,” Richards continues.
Michael Richards in high school in 1967.
Seth Poppel/Yearbook Library
The comedian says his insecurities have led him to turn down opportunities. “I said don’t offer stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. I didn’t feel deserving,” he says. “I said no to hosting Saturday night live twice because I didn’t feel good enough.”
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That feeling of not being good enough carried over to his time playing Kramer Seinfeld.
“I felt every week during Seinfeld I was never satisfied with my performance and that I can always do better. And as the stakes got higher, the pressure to always be good was heavy. And to accept myself even when the audience loved me and when the awards, praise and all the offers came — sometimes it seemed almost impossible, too overwhelming,” he says.
“I would think, ‘I don’t like me as much as they like me. They wouldn’t like me if they knew the real me, the person behind the character they’re laughing at,'” Richards continues.
In and out it will hit shelves on June 4 and is available for pre-order now, wherever books are sold.
To read more about Michael Richards, pick up the latest copy of PEOPLE on newsstands now.
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) or go to rainn.org.
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Source: HIS Education