When Nicole Avant sat down to write her book about surviving the grief of losing her mother Jacqueline, one person encouraged her to share even the uncomfortable parts of that relationship – Gwyneth Paltrow. It was the founder of Goop who was on hand to help You think you will be happy the author explores that mother-daughter dynamic even further at the Beverly Wilshire Hotel on Wednesday.
“Gwyneth definitely understands me as a woman and understands how important it is to respect our female sisterhood,” Nicole told PEOPLE backstage at the Visionary Women’s International Women’s Day Summit before their “fireside chat.” “She understands the importance of all relationships, especially mother-daughter relationships.
“I wanted to have someone who was focused and honest and obviously a very dear friend to talk to me, especially on my mom’s birthday.”
Nicole Avant (center) at the 2015 event with her late parents Jacqueline and Clarence.
Eric Charbonneau/Getty Images for Netflix
Had she lived, Jacqueline Avant would have turned 84 on March 6, the same day that Nicole – the former US ambassador to the Bahamas – turned 56. Three years earlier – the last time they celebrated a joint birthday together – mother and daughter healed old wounds. Sitting down to lunch, the philanthropist apologized to Nicole for not “acknowledging” his “feelings” when years earlier the author said she wished her mom had paid her “a little more attention” when she was growing up.
Months after that heartfelt discussion, Jacqueline was murdered by an intruder in the home she shared with music director Clarence Avant.
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Nicole says Paltrow encouraged her to include that bittersweet moment in her book. “She gave me the courage to write funny things about my mom or unusual things. She was the one who convinced me to talk about my mom taking responsibility when she hurt my feelings.
“I didn’t know if it was too much to put in the book, and sometimes you need a friend to remind you that other people are going to need this. If it’s to heal someone, not to make fun of someone, but to help someone, then why not?”
Later, during a fireside chat, Nicole and Paltrow discussed a topic they hoped would be helpful to other people — co-parenting. Or, more precisely, the challenges they both faced as stepmothers. (Nicole, who is married to Netflix co-CEO Ted Sarandos, is the mother of his children Sarah and Tony. Meanwhile, Paltrow — who shares daughter Apple, 19, and son Moses, 17, with ex-husband Chris Martin — is helping her husband Brad Falchuk raise his teenagers Isabella and Brody.)
On stage at the summit, after asking the audience how many of them were stepmothers, Paltrow quipped, “Yeah, that’s a bitch, isn’t it, folks?” She added, “[I’d] I really love talking about this because it’s one of my biggest learnings as a human being, and my area of personal growth came from the initial difficult relationship I had with my stepchildren.
“And now they are like my children. I adore them. I would do anything for them.” The actress, who has been married to Falchuk for six years, admitted that “the road to get here was really difficult.”
Nicole, whose stepchildren were 14 and 12 when she married their father in 2009, agreed. Although mum Jacqueline told her to “set boundaries” and “take back” her power, she said “it was hard”. Said Paltrow: “But it’s a beauty [my mom] he told me, ‘One day they will appreciate you and the more you respect yourself and set your boundaries with love, they will turn around…maybe it will be years later’, which they did. And now I’m closer to them than ever.”
After their fireside chat, Nicole told PEOPLE that she loved that Paltrow opened up about the topic, which included advice on how to deal with it. (The Goop founder said she learned to “embody the spirit of the sun and just give and expect nothing in return.”)
“I love that she shared what she learned because I think we all put on a front that everything is fine or say ‘everything is hard’ but we don’t really talk about the tools we will use during that stage of our lives if we find ourselves like a stepmother,” Nicole said.
“It’s hard for men too. I think the importance of sharing stories is that everyone gets a new tool. We all have a toolbox in life and know which tools to grab from which situation, and I didn’t have the stepmother’s tool.” She added: “My mum couldn’t give me advice because she wasn’t a stepmother, and then women just didn’t talk about it.”
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Nicole Avant with her late parents Jacqueline and Clarence.
Rob Latour/Variety/Penske Media via Getty
Although Jacqueline didn’t have the first-hand experience of the stepsisters, her presence and ability to inspire was still strongly felt at the event. For example, Sharon Stone, who was honored by Nicole as a 2024 Changemaker of the Year for her philanthropy and leadership, donated a $40,000 check she received to the Jacqueline Avant Center for Children and Families in Los Angeles.
In her acceptance speech, Stone (65) tearfully remembered the philanthropist, noting that “every time she spoke to you, it was like pearls were falling from her mouth.” The actress added: “She was the president of the Neighbors of Watts organizing center. She created a safe place for children who were in trouble, children with mental and substance abuse problems.
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It’s a legacy that daughter Nicole wants to celebrate every day, especially every March 6, the birthday she shares with her mother. “For me today, it’s about giving to others who are in need in any area of their lives. We also celebrate just, the idea of being alive, being with friends, sharing information, meeting people, being fully human,” said Nicole. “That’s what Jacquie embodied all along. She really loved being alive.”
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Source: HIS Education