Idea for 2024 Instead of parliamentary elections, referendums, reality show votes and popularity contests, we simply let the BBC choose the most alert contestant as the winner.
Do you have a problem with that suggestion?
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We all knew from the first picture that night that Mary Earps was going to be named Sports Person of the Year, due to the fact that she told someone to “snap out of it” while she was losing the World CupCredits: PA
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Hosts Alex Scott, Clare Balding and the excellent Gabby Logan, who has the happy ability to make ‘Hear hear, Fatima’ sound exactly like ‘Shut up, Fatima’ Credit: Getty
Bad luck.
We’re already halfway there, as confirmed by the canonization of Mary Earps at the Sports Person of the Year on Tuesday night.
A once-mighty BBC1 special that’s scaled back from its arena days but still has to be co-hosted by Clare Balding, Alex Scott and Gary Lineker, all it really needs is the superb Gabby Logan, who has the happy knack of making “Hear Hear, Fatima” sounds exactly like “Shut up, Fatima”.
There was also music by Pete Tong, whose presence is often a sign that the BBC is trying to be young and funky, which was one of two things they did for A Question Of Sport recently.
The second, of course, was the leap of political correctness.
While it was lurking in the background on A Question of Sport, it was slapped in your face on Sports Personality during the Unsung Hero category where they covered every possible real base, including a woman in a burqa who was beaten by a guy-from-the-Windrush-generation, who seems to outdo all in the Beeb’s game of awakened best trumps.
However, this was just a warm-up act for the main event, the Women’s World Cup — a segment that opened with a minute of hate for Luis Rubiales (the lip-kissing Spanish FA) and a Maya Angelou quote delivered with what sounded more like smug indulgence than genuine outrage, Alex Scott, who seems to have realized that she has no good currency unless she offends.
You could only imagine her level of anger, then, if Mary Earps didn’t win — an outcome that was never likely, given that the shortlist had already eliminated Josh Kerr, whose 1500m win over Jakob Ingebrigtsen was one of the few BBC Sport to kick me out in 2023, and the great Ronnie O’Sullivan, who would have rocked the occasion if he’d been on.
The fact that he wasn’t suggests that one of two things was at play here.
The “panel of experts” was either extremely stupid and ignorant, or it wasn’t and was doing something much more calculated and political. However, the outcome was that we all knew from the first picture that night that Mary Earps was going to be named Sportsperson of the Year, due to the fact that she told someone to “snap out of it” while she was losing the world cup.
Harsh, I admit, but I’ve watched every England game and can confirm that, contrary to the praises of the BBC and ITV, they were awful.
Luckily for them, every team they played apart from Spain was even worse, especially China whose goalkeeper, Zhu Yu, was such a comically disoriented figure that I half thought he was going to be the subject of ITV’s Vanishing Act this week , until it turns out that there is another one-legged corpse on the loose in Australia.
That’s not an opinion you could ever express at the BBC, where they believe uncritical, blind adoration is the way forward, even if all it really does is betray the network’s insecurities about the women’s game, which it apparently thinks it can’t even stand the least supervision.
Cult leaders
They are wrong. Football will always survive and thrive because it is occasionally magnificent, beautiful and exciting, but also very, very funny, so you should never feel like you are being lectured by a cult leader, as happened on Tuesday.
The closest anyone came to challenging BBC dogma, however, was my gruff old hero King Kenny Dalglish who, with an audible sigh, muttered: “It’s not about participating, it’s about winning.”
However, the most eloquent contribution of the night came from 2006 champion Zara Tindall, who said: “To win Sports Person of the Year? I thought, is this a joke?”
Yes it is.
Bias is hard-wired
You could tell by the fact that they let him dance last that the BBC wanted Layton Williams and Nikita Kuzmin to win Strictly Come Dancing.
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Viewers are all too aware of how important the BBC thinks representation is and are very sick of being lectured on the subjectCredit: BBC
But as well as his professional background, Layton carried an air of arrogance about himself and a political agenda that the Beeb clearly saw as an asset, but he made me cross his name out when he said: “I don’t think people realize how important the national team is. We challenge gender roles and stereotypes.”
Because viewers are all too aware of how important the BBC thinks presentation is and are sick of being lectured on the subject.
They also sense favouritism, so they probably noticed that the show’s other winner was Bobby Brazier, who was labeled “EastEnders actor” just so you wouldn’t mistake him for “actress Ellie Leach”.
However, the great thing about the British public is that the more you push them in one direction, the more likely they are to turn the other way and vote for Ellie, even if she almost brought herself to Stoke Mandeville with her showdance dismount.
A pleasant outcome, but, from a personal point of view, such that it never managed to save a series that needed the figure of Tony Adams to stab the show’s pomposity and the appalling sycophancy of judges like Anton Du Beke, who outdid himself when he told Bobby Brazier: “I read all about going to Hollywood and becoming a big star. And they would be happy to have you.”
Words that revealed only one thing.
Anton Du Beke clearly hasn’t been watching EastEnders recently.
TV QUIZ. Who said those words and where last week?
“It’s not every day that Johnson gets twitchy.”
A) Anna Richardson on naked attraction.
B) Hugo Keith, KC, when asked about Covid.
Unexpected morons in the packaging area
The Weakest Link, Romesh Ranganathan: “Geographically, Kinder Scout is the highest point in which UK national park?”
Rhys James: “Regent’s.”
Romesh: “In food and drink, Rosie Lee rhymes slang for what drink?”
Hannah Byczkowski: “Whiskey.”
Tipping Point, Ben Shephard: “Equestrian Life is a magazine for riders and lovers of what animal?”
Saleem: “Dogs.”
And celebrity mastermind Clive Myrie: “What’s the first letter of the Greek alphabet?”
Harpz Kaur: “D.”
The next question is, who the hell is Harpz Kaur?
Random TV irritations
SPORTS Personality of the Year failed to include Ray Clemence or a quick header against Wales among King Kenny’s Lifetime Achievement clips.
On Monday night’s BBC One, Russell T. Davies lovingly spins the idea that the 2007 run of Doctor Who was watched by “30.3 million viewers” on Christmas Day (it was 13.8 million).
Beeb News presenter Sophie Raworth utters the funny lines: “This is our LGBT and identity correspondent Lauren Moss.”
And The Last Leg left its flimsy Corner of the Year stunt to a pair of dapper, smiling thugs named Josh Pieters and Archie Manners, who made me feel sorry for Suelle Braverman.
Replace this show with something funny, 2024, Channel 4.
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‘Tess and Claudia are Morecambe and Wise of Strictly’Credit: BBC
BIG TV lies and delusions of the month.
I am a celebrity, Nigel Farage: “If you were a member of the European Parliament, you are treated like an elite. Women throw themselves at you.”
Strictly, vox pop: “Tess and Claudia are the Morecambe and Wise of Strictly.”
And Charlotte in Sunderland, Charlotte Crosby’s dad Gary: “Charlotte has to hold back a bit sometimes.”
Sometimes?
Little??
DEAF subtitle of the week. Christine Lampard “Winner knockbred” (Winona Ryder)’s namecheck on Loose Women has just been beaten by Sky Sports’ Billy Dodds who claims that “James Tavernier takes all Rangers’ penalties and fruitcakes.” Although don’t mock. If there’s one team that’s likely to be rewarded with dubious fruitcakes, it’s definitely the Rangers.
MEANWHILE, at a conga in the middle of a hen party at the Queen Vic, where all the women are wearing blonde wigs, Jean Slater asks: “What’s the collective noun for Sharon’s group?”
It’s a “frump”, Jean. Sharons boyfriend.
Merry Christmas everyone.
Great sports insights
SUPER John McGinn: “To our credit we didn’t play as well as we did on Wednesday night.”
Simon Thomas: “Everton won’t go down – you heard it here first. And Kris isn’t the first person to say that.” And Clinton Morrison: “I don’t tell Haaland how to score goals, but if he heads, he scores.”
(Compiled by Graham Wray)
TV Gold
BILL MAHER’s exciting real-time demolition of “From the River to the Sea” fanatics.
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Simon Brodkin produces what could be the first genuine laugh at a Royal Variety PerformanceCredit: Rex
Channel 4’s 24 Hours in Police Custody reminds us why it’s TV’s best emergency services documentary series.
The beautiful finale of The Crown that caught me off guard with the player’s Sleep, Dearie, Sleep lament for the Queen.
And Simon Brodkin produces what may be the first genuine laugh at the Royal Variety Performance since Will Hay killed George V in a 1930 performance: “People always want to know if my stunts go wrong. Periodically.
“At the end of 2019, I broke into this laboratory in Wuhan. . .”
Things of the week
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Bobby Brazier would certainly shine as a young Mick Jagger. Credits: Delivered
THIS week’s winner is Strictly’s Bobby Brazier and a young Mick Jagger.
- Emailed by Richie James.
Categories: Optical Illusion
Source: HIS Education