Game of Thrones’ Kristian Nairn Knows He’s ‘Not Going to Top’ Playing Hodor: ‘It’ll Always Be Different’ (Exclusive)

Kristian Nairn had no idea what he was signing up for when he landed his first acting gig.

The Northern Irish actor and DJ, 48, remembers auditioning for the role of Hodor in the Game of Thrones thanks to his mother’s encouragement.

“She read the books in their entirety and that’s what really got me into what the show was going to be. I had no idea,” Nairn tells PEOPLE. “I was always interested in auditioning, [but] I definitely would have been more enthusiastic about the whole audition process if I had known [what was to come]. But I don’t think any of us knew. None of us knew what it would turn into.”

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Nairn, who is a whopping 6-foot-10, admits that no one in the cast of the groundbreaking HBO series was aware of what was to come.

“For the first few years I felt like I was walking a plank. It was like trepidation. And then after that, [there] there were few expectations. After that, we all kind of wanted to make sure it was as good as the previous season.”

Isaac Hempstead Wright as Bran Stark, Kristian Nairn as Hodor in ‘Game of Thrones’.

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Hodor unexpectedly became a fan favorite in the run-up to his death in Season 6, one of the show’s most emotional moments. Looking back, Nairn says he’s “happy with what I did with him” — and knows not to expect anything like that Game of Thrones ever again.

“Coming from a show like Game of Thronesit’s like — I’m not going to top this. That was my first big acting role,” he says. “But I think for me, because of the character that Hodor was, I don’t think I’ll ever top him, but it’s always going to be different, because Hodor is very different. Everything I Say is going to be a very different role than Hodor, because I’m never going to play a silent role again.”

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The actor who recently starred in Our flag means deathhe reflected deeply on the half-decade he spent as a pseudo-member of the Stark family while “doing the deep dive” for his memoir, Beyond the thronewhich appeared on the bookshelves on September 24.

He is the first Game of Thrones alum to look back on the series in a memoir, and admits it’s not something he ever specifically envisioned doing.

Kristian Nairn as Hodor in ‘Game of Thrones’. Courtesy of HBO

“I never thought of myself as the type of person who would write a book or even wanted to, but during my travels around the world with my manager, I would talk at dinner all the time, talking only about my past. I remember the night when I just looked up from what he was eating and said, ‘Kristian, this is not normal, this is not a normal life, it would be good to hear this.’ And that was enough for me.”

Nairn was “worried when I started writing that my memory wouldn’t be good enough to remember everything that happened” on Thronesbut he surprised himself.

“I was really doing it like a domino effect. I would remember one thing and then it would take me off on a tangent,” he shares. “And you have to believe that my bedroom wall looks like a serial killer [wall]. It was like literal pins trying to connect, because I tried to connect the stories Game of Thrones stories from my life in a coherent way. So that was a big challenge.”

The memoir follows his life story, from growing up in Northern Ireland during the Troubles, his love of music as a DJ and performing as a drag queen to his first acting gig in Game of Thrones.

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When he reflects on Hodor’s journey in the memorable Season 6 episode “The Door” — which finally revealed why the Stark family’s servant only said one word, “Hodor” — Nairn is left in awe.

“Where else in the world would a character who says one word, kind of be in the foreground of the background for five seasons, become one of the show’s top scenes?”

Recalling the “crazy” fan reaction to the revelation of Hodor’s backstory and death, Nairn admits he’s still not entirely sure how it all turned out in the end.

“People asked me to explain what happened there, and I said, ‘Well, it’s not real. I don’t have a scientific explanation.’ I know we never skipped time, if we did, it certainly didn’t make it into the media,” he says. “I have no explanation… Think of it as a great quantum leap.”

Kristian Nairn as Hodor in ‘Game of Thrones’. HBO

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The episode revealed that Bran Stark (Isaac Hempstead Wright) time traveled to the past and saw a teenage Hodor in Winterfell. The vision caused an overlap in Hodor’s past and future consciousness, and as he fell into a seizure, Meera (Ellie Kendrick) and Bran’s repeated command to “hold the door” blended together into “Hodor,” and when the seizure subsided, it was the only a word he ever said.

“I read the script and I was like, ‘Okay, this is really cool.’ But I couldn’t imagine how cool it would be,” Nairn recalls. “Even the filming, it was monumental. It was a big scene to shoot. It took weeks. But I still didn’t expect such a reaction.”

“It’s bizarre, it really is,” he says of the end of Hodor’s story. “But you know what? It’s such a privilege to touch people in that way. If I’d never left a mark on the world — which I already have, so I’m happy about that — but even if I did, I think I’d be happy.”

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Game of Thrones you can transfer in full on Max and Nairn’s memoirs, Beyond the throneis now available.

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