Holly Madison Defends Not Mourning Hugh Hefner: ‘Every Interaction He Had with Me Was About Control’ (Exclusive)

In the nearly 15 years since Holly Madison left the Playboy Mansion, she has become The New York Times bestseller author, mother of two children and presenter Girls next level podcast with my friend Bridget Marquardt.

But Madison spent some of her most formative years in a relationship with Hugh Hefner, trapped in what she described as a fake Playboy paradise.

When Hefner died in 2017, Madison kept quiet about his death — a decision she still stands by today.

“When he passed away, everyone expected me to have some big reaction or post about it on social media, and it was weird. I was no longer emotionally attached to him in any way,” she tells PEOPLE exclusively.

Hugh Hefner. Kirk McKoy/Los Angeles Times/Getty

Before his death, Madison also went public with the trauma she faced after dating Hefner in her book Down the rabbit hole.

“I would say that this is a toxic relationship for me,” she says. “Why should I post a memorial on my Instagram?”

Holly Madison says Playboy mansion was ‘iconic’: ‘We were all blown away’

Still healing from her years in the Playboy mansion at the time, Madison — who says she developed body dysmorphia because of Hefner’s constant judgment — felt a range of emotions when he died.

“There was no relief at all, because I felt like I got out of that universe pretty solid. But it was a very strange time,” she recalls. “For me, after I left that relationship, I kind of felt like he always communicated with me in such a fake way. Because his every interaction with me was all about control or his relationship fantasy. It kind of felt like playing house.”

Holly Madison and Hugh Hefner. J. Merritt/FilmMagic

Even after Madison left the mansion and the relationship, she still worked for E!, the same network that produced her show The girls next door.

“The spinoff was produced by the same guy who produced it The girls next door, so he would want to do crossover episodes,” she says. “So I did a few of those, and it felt safe because the cameras were on, and it’s semi-scripted, so that was fine, but if I was in a meeting with him in the office, he’d always say, ‘Why don’t I get Hef on the phone?’ Why don’t you talk?’”

Madison says she had no interest in talking to Hefner until that point.

Hugh Hefner and Holly Madison. Laurence Cottrell/FilmMagic

“Why would I want to talk to a robot? Everything he tells me will be designed to get a certain reaction, designed to keep me on his good side. It just didn’t feel authentic,” she says. “Before he passed away, maybe five or six years passed where I didn’t talk to him at all. He became a completely different character in my mind.”

Holly Madison claims women were pressured to sleep with Hugh Hefner to be co-star of the year

It wasn’t easy for Madison to share her side of the story: her book was met with a wave of backlash, and there are still people today who are “mean” to her, she says.

“There are still people who want to attack me for telling the truth, even if it has nothing to do with them. Just because when you come from the mansion, it’s a high-stakes environment where people attach who they are to that title of playmate or Playboy affiliation, so they don’t want to hear a bad word about it,” she says.

“Even now it gets really catty with some people, but those people aren’t in my life, so it’s okay.”

Holly Madison.

Denise Truscello

Thanks to her Girls next level podcast and her co-host and longtime friend Marquardt, Madison says she was also able to “relive some good times” from her 20s.

“[When] Bridget and I became friends, we decided we really wanted to change the script. So I started meeting all the new game partner candidates at the door when they showed up and taking them on a tour, and that really changed the atmosphere,” she says. “We made a lot of friends with a lot of people, a lot of friends, and it’s totally changed the atmosphere.”

Categories: Trends
Source: HIS Education