Jill Duggar Dillard Says Her Reality Shows Nearly Tore Her Marriage Apart: ‘Another Wake-Up Call’ (Exclusive)

Jill Duggar Dillard opens up about the cost of filming her family’s reality shows, 19 Children and counting and its spin-off Count on, took over her relationship with husband Derick Dillard.

“It caused a lot of frustration in our marriage,” Jill, 32, tells PEOPLE exclusively in this week’s issue. “Especially early on, when you’d feel a certain way about shooting something. I’d say, ‘I hear you, I feel you, I also don’t want to do everything they’re asking us to do. . . But we have to.'”

In his new book, Cost calculation, the couple reveals all sorts of bombshells about their time starring on the popular TLC show about the large, ultra-conservative Christian Duggar family. One of the main takeaways is that after they got married in 2014, they really didn’t want to be a part of it at all. Instead they wanted to start their own lives, have their own business and family, and not feel obligated to be available 20 hours a week for the camera.

“It started to feel like a burden,” Duggar writes in the book, which hits shelves on September 12.

Jill Duggar Dillard and Derick Dillard’s new book, ‘Counting the Cost’.

Courtesy of the book gallery

Jill Duggar Dillard Opens Up About Distance From Her Family: ‘I Didn’t Expect This To Happen’

She tells PEOPLE that it doesn’t help that she was raised to believe you should always respect your parents and do what they say, as part of the teachings of the Institute for Basic Life Principles (IBLP), the religious organization her family followed. As a result, it was difficult for her to say no to her father, Jim Bob Duggar, and the demanding demands of filming the show, even if she wanted to just walk away.

“It definitely came between us,” she says of how she and Derick started fighting over the show. “Regardless of your age, you have to listen to your parents’ wishes and you even have to ask them for their blessing for any important moment in your life. It can be buying a house, moving to another country, where to go to school. We have dealt with it a lot as we were trying to make decisions for our family, and we really wrestled back and forth with that.”

Jill Duggar Dillard and Derrick Dillard at their home on August 21, 2023.

Larsen & Talbert

Jill claims that her father started trying to drive a wedge between them, and Derick agrees.

“Whenever we didn’t go against what her dad thought we should do with the recording, he would say things that would be very hurtful,” Derick says. “He would weaponize the relationship and say, ‘Is this you, Jill, or is this you, Derek? Are you leading your wife astray and doing things that don’t support the marriage?’ And I think that was a red flag.”

In a statement to PEOPLE, Jim Bob and wife Michelle Duggar say, “We love all of our children very much. As with any family, few things are more painful than conflict or problems between those you love… We don’t believe that the best way to resolve conflict, facilitating forgiveness and reconciliation or communicating through difficulties is through the media or in a public forum, so we will not comment.”

Jill Duggar Dillard at her home on August 21, 2023.

Larsen & Talbert

Jill Duggar Dillard admits she ‘cried and begged’ after seeing the printed manuscript of her upcoming memoir

Jill says relations became so strained that she felt she had to choose a side.

“I saw how deep we were in a fight one time, and I said, ‘Whoa, this isn’t right,'” she recalls of her and Derick’s falling out over the show and the later fights they had with Jim Bob about it paid off for years. working on it.

“When I saw how it was affecting our marriage, I think it was another wake-up call for me,” she adds. “It was like, okay, we either have to fight this battle together, or they’re going to tear us apart. So yeah, we had to join forces at that point.”

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Jill Duggar Dillard and husband Derick Dillard at their home on August 21, 2023.

Larsen & Talbert

Jill Duggar Dillard says she’s ‘incredibly grateful’ for husband Derick as docu-series examines her family

The couple, who now live on the border of Arkansas and Oklahoma and are raising their three sons, have found their happy place, away from the cameras and the spotlight. They admit that they are nervous about the reaction to the book, but they feel that the time has come to own their story.

“I know there will be naysayers, but I feel called to do this,” Jill says of writing the book. “We really wanted to tell our story for my siblings, because some of them will be facing similar challenges, if they haven’t already, that I’ve faced.”

And while Jill and Derick left IBLP in 2020, now doing things their own way and “trusting in God,” both say it took a little therapy to get to such a good place.

“Therapy was a gift we didn’t know we needed,” says Jill. “We initially went into it with the goal of reconnecting with my parents, but when we went there, the therapist said, ‘I think maybe we should do a little more processing, a little more tidying up here. You have to figure out who you are.’ Which was so wise. It helped us so much.”

For more on Jill Duggar Dillard and Derick Dillard, pick up the latest issue of PEOPLE, on newsstands Friday, or subscribe here.

Jill and Derick’s Memoirs, Cost calculationit will be available for purchase at all sales points on Tuesday, September 12.

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Source: HIS Education