Love Is Blind’s Clay Explains Why He Came on Show Despite His ‘Self-Doubt’ About Marriage (Exclusive)

Warning: This story contains spoilers from the Season 6 finale Love is blind.

Clay Gravesande sheds more light on his personal problems Love is blind.

The Season 6 star has been open about his hesitance to get married and stay committed throughout his time on the show — right up until his wedding day.

In the season six finale, which aired Wednesday, Clay finally said no to fiancée Amber Desiree “AD” Smith at the altar, claiming he’s “not ready” and still needs to “work on” himself before committing to marriage.

Love is blind Season 6: See Couples’ Wedding Photos Before They Say ‘I Do’ or ‘I Don’t’ (Exclusive)

Although he didn’t leave the show married, Clay (31) has now revealed to PEOPLE why he decided to come on the show, given his worries about commitments and what was going through his head before his wedding day.

“I think I struggled a lot,” he explains. “All the time I have conversations with myself where I can make a commitment, and then inside myself, taking that commitment, I doubt myself.”

“So I think what you’re seeing is a moment of self-doubt, based on how I was raised,” he continues. “My parents were also married for 24 years, but I [spoke about] I saw my dad have a few moments of infidelity on the show. Well, I think I made a commitment to myself, but when I was actually in it, I asked myself, ‘Can I really do this?’ So there was a lot of self-doubt.”

AD and Clay on ‘Love Is Blind’.

Courtesy of Netflix

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Looking back on his journey with AD, Clay notes that one of the biggest lessons he learned about having a fiancée was “to include her in my life.”

“I think when we had problems when sometimes I couldn’t stay in the townhouse we moved into,” he shares. “I’m allergic to dogs, and her dog loved me, he was always in my nose. I loved her dog too. But there were a couple of fights we had, [especially] in my work schedule. But when I started inviting her to spend the night in my real house and she came to my place, came with me to the lake, our relationship became much better.”

“And I think that if I had just turned it on [from the start]we’d have a much smoother ride if we moved to the Charlotte area,” he notes.

And while there are things he wishes he’d done differently, Clay says he’s extremely proud of how he performed on the show.

“I will stand by everything. I think it was like a roller coaster for me, but I went through those obstacles of emotions and it made me a better person, so I wouldn’t change anything,” he says.

Clay and AD on ‘Love Is Blind’.

Courtesy of Netflix

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On Wednesday’s Season 6 finale, Clay and AD made it to the altar, but AD said “I do” to her fiance before he shockingly said “no.”

“I don’t think it’s responsible to say ‘I’.” But I want you to know that I’m rocking with you,” he said at their wedding. “I just don’t think it’s responsible to say ‘I do’ when I still need a job. I still need to get to the point where I’m 100 percent in … I’m going to put in the work for you, and we’re going to get through this together.”

“I’m not going there with you when I’m not ready. I can’t say yes right now. I’m sorry,” he continued, later adding in the confessional, “A lot of the work that needed to be done was my emotional empathy… I looked looked into the mirror and said: ‘Am I the husband?’ and the answer was no. ‘Am I deeply in love?’ And the answer was no. Those are two things, if you can’t say yes to them, why are you getting married?”

As AD broke down in front of her family and friends, Clay asked why the timeline was “important” and urged them to continue dating anyway. AD wasn’t on the same page — she’d previously been honest about not wanting to date after that if he said no at the altar — and ended up breaking off his courtship for good.

“I love him, I really do. I’m really sad that I wasn’t enough for him to make amends,” she said in an interview after the rejection. “I can’t pull him, I can’t force him and I’m not fucking begging him to fucking pick me.”

“I don’t regret saying yes to him. My love is blind. There is nothing he could have shown me, said to me, that would have changed my answer,” she added. “I don’t see myself continuing to date him. You don’t want to choose me? Someone else will. I am done. My heart is broken.”

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Love is blind season 6 is now streaming on Netflix. Love Is Blind: The Reunion will air Wednesday, March 13, at 9:00 PM ET/6:00 PM PT on Netflix.

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Source: HIS Education