Love Is Blind’s Clay Says It ‘Broke My Heart’ to Hurt AD and Admits She’s ‘the Love of My Life’

Warning: This story contains spoilers from the Season 6 reunion Love is blind.

Clay Gravesande apologizes for breaking Amber Desiree “AD” Smith’s heart.

Love is blind fans were left shocked after Clay, 31, said “No” to AD, 33, at the altar in the Season 6 finale. During Love Is Blind: The Reunion, that aired Wednesday, he addressed his missteps and apologized for hurting his ex-fiancée.

“Throughout this whole process, one of the biggest things I struggled with was getting out of the way,” he said. “AD always … made me feel like the best person, but I couldn’t leave my side. I kept looking in the mirror and saying, ‘I’m not the type to deserve love and marriage.’ ”

“She’s honestly the love of my life, and I made the mistake of going down the aisle and saying no,” he continued, adding that he was in therapy “to be a better person” before apologizing once again. “It was a big disappointment and I apologize. I love you. You are the love of my life and it was a mistake.”

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After they parted ways on their wedding day, Clay told the cameras, “I looked in the mirror and said, ‘Am I the husband?’ and the answer was no. ‘Am I deeply in love?’ the answer was no. Those are two things, if you can’t say yes to those answers, why are you getting married?”

As for AD, she said she loved Clay very much in the confessional. “I don’t regret saying yes to him. My love is blind. There’s nothing he could have shown me, said, that would have changed my answer,” she said. “I don’t see myself continuing to date him. You don’t want to choose me? Someone else will. I am done. My heart is broken.”

Clay and AD on ‘Love Is Blind’.

Jackson Lee Davis/Netflix

When it came to watching their wedding, AD said at the reunion that it was “really hard” to do, adding, “The love I had for this man, it was hard to watch because it was so important such a crazy disappointment.”

Clay agreed, noting that he was embarrassed to see it all unfold again. “I felt like I was disrespecting her family…I wasted their time, it definitely hurt.”

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More than a year later, AD said she is in a better place. Although the two didn’t speak for weeks after their wedding day, Clay eventually reached out to them and the two worked through some of their issues.

Still, Clay’s apology on Wednesday moved her to tears. “Knowing there was nothing more I could do and hearing him say it was a mistake, that’s what I’m supposed to do with that information?” she pointed out.

When co-host Vanessa Lachey asked him if he would give Clay a second chance, AD remained silent and looked at Clay. “Next question!” she joked before Clay confirmed that he would “one thousand percent” date AD again.

That prompted her to set the record straight, telling him, “You had your chance, there’s nothing I wouldn’t give you, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. And quietly, respectfully, you played in my fucking face.. . because you knew you didn’t want to get married.”

Clay denied the theory, saying, “Like [the wedding] happened, I look at you and think, I don’t know if I can appear to you every day.”

Courtesy of Netflix

But while he wasn’t ready at the time, Clay said he’s ready for marriage now after “putting in the work” and going to therapy. “I want to be a good boy, I want to be the best version of myself that I can be and it’s a shame I wasn’t that for you,” he said through tears. “It wasn’t intentional… it broke my heart to break your heart.”

“I came out as a different person and I have AD to thank for that. When someone changes your life, you don’t turn your back on them,” he added.

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Later during the reunion, AD reacted to an emotional scene between Clay’s parents. “That conversation really closed the circle for me,” she explained. “There were a lot of pieces missing that I just couldn’t understand…listening to that conversation really showed me that he was struggling with things that I couldn’t do anything to take that stress off of him.”

“I didn’t want to, with all due respect, be Clay’s mom long-term,” she added. – I didn’t want it to be my story.

Clay and AD on ‘Love Is Blind’.

Courtesy of Netflix

Clay previously told PEOPLE why he decided to come on the show, given his commitment worries and what was going through his head before his wedding day.

“I think I fought a lot,” he explained. “All the time I have conversations with myself where I can make a commitment, and then inside myself, taking that commitment, I doubt myself.”

He added: “And so I think what you’re seeing is a moment of self-doubt, based on how I was raised,” he continues. “My parents were also married for 24 years, but I [spoke about] on the show I saw my dad have a few moments of infidelity. Well, I think I made a commitment to myself, but when I was actually in it, I asked myself, ‘Can I really do this?’ So there was a lot of self-doubt.”

Courtesy of Netflix

Although he made “mistakes,” Clay told PEOPLE he’s proud of how he handled himself Love is blind. “I’ll stand by everything. I think it was like a roller coaster for me, but I got through those emotional hurdles and it made me a better person, so I wouldn’t change a thing,” he said.

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Love is blind season 6 is streaming in its entirety on Netflix.

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Source: HIS Education