As a child, Melissa Gilbert was known as the sunny “Half Pint” Laura Ingalls in the beloved TV series Little House on the Prairiebut the actress says that behind her wide smile she was secretly struggling.
Everyday noises, such as chewing sounds, popping gum, snapping fingernails—even clapping hands—will make her angry. When shooting scenes for the play in a schoolroom, “if any of the kids were chewing gum or eating or tapping their nails on the table, I would want to run so badly,” Gilbert tells PEOPLE. “I would turn beet red and my eyes would fill with tears and I would just sit there feeling absolutely miserable and terribly guilty that I felt so much hatred for all these people – people I loved.”
It was “a really dark and difficult part of my childhood,” says Gilbert, 60.
Melissa Gilbert as Laura Ingalls in Little House on the Prairie.
NBCU/Getty Photo Bank
Many years later, she learned that her intense reactions to certain sounds were the result of a true neurological disorder known as misophonia, a condition in which sufferers experience strong and unpleasant emotional, physiological and behavioral reactions to sound and sometimes visual triggers.
“I sobbed when I found out there was a name for it and that I wasn’t just a bad person,” says Gilbert, who hopes to raise awareness about the disease with Duke University’s Duke Center for Misophonia and Emotional Regulation. Drug.
For years, her family thought she was just a restless child who would “just glare at my parents, my grandmother and my siblings with hateful eyes,” she says. “I really just thought I was being rude. And I felt really bad. And with guilt, which is a huge component of misophonia, the guilt you feel about those fight-or-flight feelings. It’s a really isolating disorder.”
Her condition became more intense as she entered menopause, when, she says, she began to whiplash. “I was more sensitive,” says Gilbert, co-founder of lifestyle brand Modern Prairie, who is married to actor Timothy Busfield. “As the estrogen leaked out, the anger seeped in and started to really affect me on a daily basis with loved ones.”
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“I sobbed when I found out there was a name for it and that I wasn’t just a bad person,” says Gilbert, who hopes to raise awareness about the disease with Duke University’s Duke Center for Misophonia and Emotional Regulation. Drug.
For years, her family thought she was just a restless child who would “just glare at my parents, my grandmother and my siblings with hateful eyes,” she says. “I really just thought I was being rude. And I felt really bad. And guilty, which is a huge component of misophonia, the guilt you feel about those fight-or-flight feelings.”
Her own children knew that even a simple chew could set her off. “I had a hand signal that I would do, turning my hand into a puppet and I would make it look like it was chewing and then I would gag it – like gag!” she recalls. “My poor kids spent their entire childhood growing up with me doing this. They weren’t allowed to have gum.”
Her reactions to sounds became even more intense as she entered menopause, when she says she had a seizure. “I was more sensitive,” says Gilbert, co-founder of lifestyle brand Modern Prairie, who is married to actor Timothy Busfield. “As the estrogen leaked out, the anger seeped in and started to really affect me on a daily basis with loved ones.”
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Although she knew there was a name for the condition, she didn’t know there was a way to treat it until last year when she discovered Duke’s Center for Misophonia. “I typed in randomly and said, ‘I need help. Please help me,'” says Gilbert, who shared a video of her experience on the center’s website.
The center’s director, Dr. Zach Rosenthal, responded to her by saying, “There is help. You’re not alone.” That, she says, “was huge.” She learned that cognitive behavioral therapy was an effective treatment for misophonia and underwent 16 weeks of “intensive” CBT therapy.
“This is an emotional issue. It’s about self-regulation and self-control,” says Gilbert, who urges other sufferers to avoid “snake oil” salesmen who claim they can offer treatment or drugs to get rid of the condition. With CBT therapy, “I realized that I can ride out those waves, but they won’t go away. They never go away. But now I have all these tools that allow me to feel more comfortable and less anxious. It makes me feel in control.”
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Melissa Gilbert and husband Timothy Busfield in 2023.
Pascal Le Segretain/Getty
For example, she has learned to recognize that one early sign that she is feeling stressed is that she clenches her feet. “So as soon as I start to feel it coming, I relax my feet,” she says. “And when for some reason I have control over my feet, I can do everything else.”
Because of the tools she learned in CBT, “everyone around me doesn’t have to walk on eggshells,” she says. In fact, last Christmas she gave her children a special gift: packs of gum to chew without fear of her reaction. – That changed my whole life.
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Source: HIS Education